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Tuesday, January 21, 2003 On yesterday's show Katie and Simon invited Henry over for dinner. Today he shows up, but it's not what he expected! Simon answers the door and warmly invites Henry in. He brought two bottles with him, "one for the host, and one for the hostess." They protest that he shouldn't have, but Henry says, "I couldn't resist. This is the first dinner party I've been invited to since I came back to this little cow town." He notices that Katie and Simon look agitated and asks if they're having problems with raccoons again. Simon says no, just snakes. "Oh," says Henry and quickly changes the subject. "What's for dinner? It smells like... air freshener. I thought we were having pot roast." Katie replies that the only dead meat here tonight is him! "Unless you can tell us why Mike Kasnoff wanted a piece of you last night," adds Simon.
"I just remembered, I'm on a diet," fibs Henry. "I hate to not eat and run, but..." He tries to leave but Katie and Simon stop him, saying they love having company, it's so lonely out in the country. Simon comments that they just had another visitor, Jack, and he was wondering why Mike went after Henry. Henry assures them that Jack was over-reacting, he and Mike were just talking, like guys do. Simon asks him if he had a good time. "Better than I am now!" says Henry. "What's up with the hospitality, kids? Your warm welcome is a little light on the warm part." Henry tries to leave again but Simon stops him. He says he has a good idea of why Mike was so upset with him, which he can confirm or... He twists Henry's arm behind him and leads him back into the room, noticing that his coat is cashmere and made in England. Simon pushes Henry down on a chair and demands to know where he got the money. Henry reminds them that he told them he did a job for Rosanna Cabot. "You blew that paycheck on martinis and bimbos long ago, fess up!" says Katie. "My mother told me it's impolite to discuss finances," demurs Henry.
Simon finds some expensive Cuban cigars in Henry's coat pocket and crushes them. "Those cost 75 dollars!" squirms Henry. "Remember what Mummy said, no discussing finances," taunts Simon. Henry looks away, unable to watch. "Poor Henry, do you need a drink?" asks Katie as she pours the bottle Henry gave her into a plant. "That's a 200 dollar bottle of brandy, your grandfather was not born when that was distilled," cries Henry. Next Katie and Simon go after Henry's coat, threatening to cut off a sleeve to make a scarf. Henry finally caves and admits that Carly gave him 50,000 dollars. "50,000 blackmail dollars," corrects Simon.
"Can we use a different word? Blackmail has such an ominous sound," says Henry. Simon asks why Carly paid him the money, and Henry says it was her idea. "She volunteered to be blackmailed?" asks Katie. Henry clarifies that it was a thank you gift for forgetting something he saw, something incriminating that involved her. Simon asks what he saw. "I forget," answers Henry slyly. Katie asks what Mike Kasnoff has to do with it. Henry says he doesn't know and asks for his coat back. Katie demands he explain and when he doesn't, she snips off a corner of his coat.
Henry admits that Carly told Mike about it. Simon reminds Henry that Katie warned him to leave Carly alone. Henry clarifies that he wasn't supposed to pester Carly at Rosanna's bidding, and this latest business has nothing to do with Rosanna, "just me, the little entrepreneur that could." He says he tried to tell them before, but now, "boy oh boy, boys and girls, the plot has thickened! Let's just say there's a growing development that will make itself known very soon." Katie stops him, saying they don't want to know any more information about Carly.
"Information? What information? 50,000 dollars makes me forget," says Henry. Katie tells him his memory loss must be contagious, because she forgot to make dinner, he'll have to eat elsewhere. "Fine," says Henry, offended. "I didn't want your dried out pot roast. Listen, kids, the next time you think about inviting me to the enchanted cottage from hell, don't!" He slams the door behind him as he leaves, and can be heard outside yelling, "get off me you little varmints!"
Katie and Simon discuss the situation and figure out that Carly must have had an affair with Mike, and may possibly be pregnant. Simon wants to tell Jack but Katie convinces him not to, saying she knows what it's like to be in a desperate situation like Carly is. They visit Carly and Jack to tell Jack that the Mike/Henry connection is no big deal, and he proudly tells them that he and Carly are having a baby. Katie whispers to Carly, "your secret is safe with me," and they leave. Today’s episode was directed by Steven Williford and written by Meg Kelly.
Transcripts from TVMegaSite Simon: Henry, my good man. Come on in. Welcome. Henry: One for the host. Katie: Oh, you shouldn't have. Henry: One for the hostess. Katie: You really shouldn't have. Henry: I know, but I couldn't resist, guys. Believe it or not, this is the first dinner party I've been invited to since I got back to this little cow town. [ Door closes ] oh, you -- got problems with the raccoons still trying to break in here? Simon: No, Henry, we haven't got any problem with them. Just -- snakes. Henry: Oh. Well, hey, what's for dinner? Smells like air freshener. I thought we were having pot roast. Katie: Well, no, actually, Henry, the only dead meat here tonight is you. Henry: Me? Simon: Yeah. That is, unless you tell us why Mike Kasnoff wanted a piece of you last night.
Henry: You know what I just remembered? I'm on a diet. And I hate to not eat and run, but -- Simon: But you just got here, Henry. Katie: And we love our company. It gets so lonely way out here in the country. Simon: But we've been kind of busy tonight, haven't we, honey? Because -- Katie: Right. Simon: -- Jack Snyder was here earlier, and he was wondering why Mike Kasnoff went after you last night. In fact, we're all wondering why. Henry: Really? Detective Snyder, he way overreacted there. And Mike and I, we were talking, you know, just like guys do. Simon: Oh, you had a good time, did you? Henry: Yeah. A lot better time than I'm having right now. What's up with the hospitality, kids, huh? Your warm welcome is -- a little light on the "warm" part. So Simon, if you'll just stop blocking the door -- Simon: You see, I've got a pretty good idea why Mike was itching to get his hands on you, but you can either confirm my suspicions -- Henry: Well, you know -- Simon: Or, or, or, I can -- Henry: What's so -- wait a minute. Simon: Henry, Henry, Henry, this is a very nice jacket. What is it? Cashmere? Katie: It sure is, and made in England. Henry: Fine, I'll buy American next time, okay? Simon: Where did you get all the money, Henry? Henry: Huh? What -- what -- what -- what -- I told you. I did that job for Rosanna Cabot. Katie: Oh, you blew that paycheck on martinis and bimbos long ago, Henry. Just fess up. Henry: My mother always said it was impolite to discuss personal finances. Simon: Whoo. Katie: Hmm. Simon: The sweet smells of Cuba. Henry: Yeah. Yeah. And, Simon, I got one for you, as well, for when we're done with dinner. Simon: Oh. Katie: Oh. Henry: They're worth $35 there! Simon: Remember what mommy said -- no discussing personal finances. Henry: Oh, man, I can't look. Katie: Oh, poor Henry. Want a drink? Henry: Yes. Katie: I wasn't talking to you, silly. I was talking to the plant here. Henry: Katie. Katie, aw, Katie, that's $200 worth of brandy there. Your grandfather wasn't born when this was distilled. Katie: Well, no wonder planty loves it. Simon: Look at this coat here. Katie, I think we could make quite a nice scarf out of this. What do you think? It's cashmere, after all. Katie: Beautiful. Simon: You got the scissors handy? Katie: Right over here, darling. Simon: Nice one. Always handing out scissors. All right, just the sleeve. I think that will do just fine. A one -- Henry: All right, Carly paid me! Katie: How much? Henry: $50,000. Simon: 50,000 blackmailed dollars.
Henry: Couldn't we use a different word? "Blackmail" has such an ominous sound to it. Simon: Why'd you do it, Henry? Huh? Henry: It was Carly's idea. Katie: Oh, Carly just volunteered to be blackmailed? Henry: Well, she volunteered to give me a gift. A thank-you present. Simon: $50,000, that's a lot of thank yous. Henry: She was very grateful. Katie: For? Henry: For forgetting something that I had seen. Something incriminating that involved her. Simon: What was it, Henry? Henry: I forget. Katie: And how did Mike Kasnoff enter into this picture? Henry: I -- I don't know. He must have heard about my agreement from Carly. Can I have my coat back, please? Katie: Explain. Henry: Look, I -- I -- I don't know -- look -- okay, look -- she must have told Mike, okay? Katie: He's all yours. Simon: Henry, Henry, Henry -- what did Katie tell you about leaving Carly alone, huh? Henry: No, no, no, no, no. Katie told me not to pester Carly on behalf of Rosanna Cabot. And I complied. And my current business with Ms. Tenney has nothing to do with Rosanna, okay? It's just a little freelance operation. Katie: You're sure Rosanna's not a part of it? Henry: Yes, I am sure. Just little me, the entrepreneur that could. And I tried to tell you about it, but you didn't want to hear -- and boy oh boy, boys and girls, the plot has thickened. Simon: And what's that supposed to mean, Henry? Henry: Well, let's just say that there is a growing development that will make its presence known very soon. Katie: No, don't say another word. I don't want any more information about Carly, all right? Henry: Information? What information? $50,000 makes me forget. Katie: Yeah, well, that amnesia must be contagious. 'Cause I forgot to make dinner, you can eat elsewhere. Henry: What -- Simon: See, I think that's your cue to leave, Henry. Henry: What? Okay, all right, fine. Fine. I didn't want any dried-out pot roast anyway. And listen, kids, next time you want to invite me to the enchanted cottage from hell -- don't! Get off me, you little varmint!
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