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Wednesday, February 19, 2003 Today looks like the beginning of the end for Simon and Katie, and Henry has a reluctant role in it. Simon is drinking at the Lakeview Lounge bar when his old "friend" Bartleby arrives to harass him about getting rid of his wife. Simon says he's waiting for someone to help him, when Henry walks in. "There he is now," says Simon dismally. "Him? He doesn't look like he'd be much help to anyone," sneers Bartleby. Simon tells him to leave, he'll take care of it.
Henry is taking pictures of a couple sitting at a table. "C'mon, man, kiss her! Yeah, that's good," he says as he snaps away. Suddenly Simon steps in front of him and Henry tells him to get out of the way. Simon says he needs to talk to him now. Henry tries to put him off but Simon insists, and asks what he's doing with the camera. "Close encounters of the hanky panky kind," answers Henry. "Her husband hired me to get proof that she's cheating on him, and I just caught her canoodling with the brother-in-law." Simon says that's interesting and takes Henry's camera. Henry protests that he needs that, and Simon takes out the film and drops it in a martini sitting on the bar. Henry asks him what he's doing, and Simon responds that he's giving him an assignment. "No, I'm not working for you and Katie anymore, it's too confining. That's why I'm resigning from Early Bird Surveillance, effective two weeks ago." The couple Henry was spying on leaves, and Henry laments that there goes his case. "Forget them, I'll give you a case that's the easiest buck you've ever made," offers Simon. Henry admits he's curious and asks Simon what the case is. "Your specialty. Follow an unfaithful husband and report everything back to the wife." Henry agrees and asks if he knows the people. "You could say that," answers Simon. "The husband is me."
"You're cheating on Katie and you want me to record it? No thank you, my life is kinky enough as it is," says Henry. Simon insists that this is not a game, and Katie cannot know he hired Henry. "She won't because you haven't," answers Henry. "Listen, mate, I don't have a lot of options right now, OK? You've gotta help me out," begs Simon. Henry asks for details. Simon tells Henry he needs to convince Katie he's a lousy husband, and he has his reasons. All Henry would have to do is record Simon's indiscretions and go to Katie with the tape. "She'll hate me!" says Henry. "She'll hate me," responds Simon. "It's for her own good, do it because you care about her." "I do?" questions Henry. "You do care about her, and this is your chance to show it," says Simon. Henry reluctantly agrees and wonders what he would charge for this kind of job.
The bartender arrives to take away the martini and Henry grabs the film out of it. "Most people prefer olives," remarks the bartender. Simon gives Henry some money and tells him he'll get the other half when the job is done. Henry agrees, saying, "You've hired yourself a detective, or a cameraman, whichever pays more." Simon tells Henry not to turn his phone off and starts to walk away. "Simon," Henry stops him, "Don't you love her anymore?" "More than ever," says Simon sadly.
Later, after a forced argument with Katie, Simon calls Henry and tells him to meet him at Yo's with his camera. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Craig Heller.
Transcripts from TVMegaSite Bartleby: What do you think you're doing? Simon: What does it look like, genius? Don't ask me to buy you one. Bartleby: I thought you were supposed to be getting the little missus to give you the old heave-ho? Simon: I'm waiting for someone who's going to give me a hand with that, so why don't you just get out of my face. There he is now. Bartleby: Him? Doesn't look like he'd be much help to anyone. Simon: Why don't you let me worry about that, okay? Bartleby: The time's running out, Simon Frasier. Now either you get rid of that wife of yours, or I'm gonna do it for you.
Henry: Come on, man, kiss her. Yeah -- yeah, that's good. That's so good. Now just one more for good luck. Simon: Henry -- Henry: Simon, Simon, get out of the way. Simon: I need to talk to you now. Henry: In a minute. Simon: No, now. Henry: Would you please move it? Simon: No, I -- what's with the camera? Henry: Just a little close encounters of the hanky panky kind. Her husband hired me to get some proof that she's been cheating on him. And I just caught her canoodling with the brother-in-law. Simon: Oh, really? That's real interesting. Real interesting. Henry: Simon. Simon, Simon, I need that. I need that. Simon: What you need this tape? Henry: Yes. Simon: This one? Henry: It's very important to me. Simon: I'll give it to you in a second. Henry: What are you doing? Simon: You won't be needing it anymore, Henry. I'm giving you a new assignment. Henry: No, no you are not. Simon: Yes, I am. Henry: No. I'm not working with you and Katie anymore. It's too confining. That's why I'm resigning from early bird surveillance, effective two weeks ago. Oh, great. There goes my case. Simon: Just forget about them. All right? I'm giving you a case that's going to be the easiest buck you ever made. Piqued my interest. What am I supposed to do? Simon: Your specialty. Just follow an unfaithful husband, report it all back to his wife. Henry: All right, sure. You know these people? Simon: Yeah, you could say that. The husband is me.
Henry: You're cheating on Katie, and you want me to record it? No, thank you, my life is kinky enough as it is. Simon: This is not a game, Henry. And Katie can't know that I hired you. Henry: Well, she won't, because you haven't. Simon: Listen, mate, I don't have too many options right now, okay? You've gotta help me out. Help me out. Henry: I think maybe you should tell me what this is all about. Hmm? Simon: I need to convince Katie that I'm a lousy husband. Henry: Because? Simon: I have my reasons, and you -- all you gotta do is record my various indiscretions, then go to her as a concerned friend and show her the tape. That's all you gotta do. Henry: She'd hate me. Simon: She'd hate me. That's the point. It's for her own good, Henry. It's for her -- just do it because you care about her. Henry: I do? Simon: You do. You do care about her. And now this is a chance to show it. Henry: All right. Okay. This sounds easy enough. But -- Simon: But what? What -- you need to know more? I can't tell you any more. Henry: No, no, I just want to know how much to charge you for something like this. Bartender: Can I get you something, Mr. Frasier? Simon: No, I'm fine. Thanks. Bartender: Are you finished with that, Mr. Coleman? Henry: Yeah, yeah. It was delicious. Bartender: Most people prefer an olive. Simon: This should cover your initial costs. I'll give you the other half when the job is complete. Meet me at Yo's tonight. I'll call you with the time. Henry: You've just hired yourself a detective, or a cameraman, whichever pays more. Simon: Just don't turn your phone off. Henry: Simon -- Simon -- don't you love her anymore? Simon: More than ever.
Simon: Yeah, Henry, it's Simon. We're on. Meet me at Yo's. Don't forget the camera. I am so sorry, baby. This is the only way. |
