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Friday, February 20, 2004 On today's show, Katie is moping around over Mike and her best friend Henry steps in to help her, whether she likes it or not! Katie is sitting on the couch crying over a movie on TV. Henry comes up behind her and turns it off, telling her she's only watching comedies from now on. She tells him to turn it back on but he says, "Why? So you can sob your way through another box of tissues? Hmm? Devour another gallon of ice cream? Actually, that doesn't so sound bad. But it's the crying, Katie. The crying has to stop. Okay?" Katie tells him to go away because she doesn't need his help. "No, you're a classic. I see a new hairstyle just around the corner," predicts Henry. Katie asks what he means and he answers, "It means you've done everything - everything that a woman does to try to forget a man. And nothing has worked. You're still hung up on Mike." "So I'll get over it," says Katie. Henry puts the remote down on the TV, picks up the phone, and hands it to Katie. "Call him. Now," he says.
Folding a blanket, Katie tells Henry to put the phone down, she's not going to call Mike. Henry suggests a singing telegram but she says no to that too. "Okay, e-mails? Smoke signals? I don't care. Katie, you have to make contact," insists Henry. "I wouldn't even know what to say," says Katie. Henry suggests "Hello." "Hello?" questions Katie. "Hello. Hello. That's all you have to say. And then, nature will take its course and you two will never have to say good-bye to each other again," explains Henry. Katie protests that she can't get involved with anyone while Simon is still alive. She sits down on the chair and Henry kneels in front of her, telling her, "Katie, Simon's gone for good. All right? And Mike, on the other hand, never left." "I know. But I can't - I made my decision. I'm sure Mike already feels jerked around enough. It wouldn't be fair for me to go back on my word," says Katie.
Henry asks Katie if she still loves Mike and she says it doesn't matter. "It's the only thing that matters. Life without love is... well, you're looking at it," says poor Henry, laughing. Katie tells Henry she has to go to the hospital to pick up her check. "Thank you, though, for trying. But Mike and I - what we had was amazing. But it's finished. See ya." Katie leaves and Henry throws the phone down, frustrated. All of a sudden a light bulb goes on and he picks up the phone again. He dials the phone and when Mike answers he acts panicked and says, "Hello, Mike? Hey, thank God! It's Henry. Henry Coleman." Worried, Mike asks what's wrong. Henry tells him it's the water heater, he thinks it's going to explode. Mike asks him how he knows that. Henry stammers and then coughs, saying it's too hard to see because of all the smoke. Hero Mike says he's on his way. Henry hangs up the phone, blows on the end of the antenna like a gun, and wonders, "How do you break a hot water heater?"
Henry walks out of the kitchen holding a wrench, tie gone and shirt untucked and soaking wet. "That didn't take long," he says proudly. There's a knock at the door and he answers it, saying, "Mike! Thank God you're here! Thank you!" Mike asks what happened to him, and Henry explains that he tried to fix the water heater himself. "And I was not born to plumb, obviously." Mike starts to take off his jacket and Henry tells him, "Yes, take that off. You don't want to get that leather wet." Mike wonders where the smoke is, and Henry explains that it stopped and he opened the window. Mike asks him if he turned the water heater off. "Was I supposed to?" asks Henry innocently. Mike rushes into the kitchen and Henry observes, "That should keep him busy for a while. Now all we have to do is wait for Katie to get home." He suddenly realizes that he's soaking wet, and he runs upstairs shivering.
Henry comes back downstairs dressed in a dry shirt, tie, and jacket. Mike comes out of the kitchen and asks Henry if he has a sweatshirt he can borrow, since he's all wet now too. Henry says sure and asks him about the water heater. Mike says it's almost fixed. "Great! Great. That's good news, you know, because I really wanted to take a hot bath. My skin gets so flaky, you know, when it gets cold like this. And I just..." Henry notices the blank expression on Mike's face and asks, "Not interested?" "Not even a little bit," says Mike. Henry goes upstairs to get the sweatshirt and Mike takes off his wet shirt. Just then Katie comes home to find a shirtless Mike in her living room!
Today’s episode was directed by Steven Williford and written by Craig Heller.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: That's it. From now on, you are watching comedies only. Katie: Turn it back on, Henry. Henry: Why? So you can sob your way through another box of tissues? Hmm? Devour another gallon of ice cream? Actually, that doesn't so sound bad. But it's the crying, Katie. The crying has to stop. Okay? Katie: Go away. I don't need your help. [ Henry laughs ] Henry: No, you're a classic. I see a new hairstyle just around the corner. Katie: What is that supposed to mean? Henry: It means you've done everything -- everything that a woman does to try to forget a man. And nothing has worked. You're still hung up on Mike. Katie: So I'll get over it. [ Katie sighs ] Henry: Call him. Now.
Katie: Put the phone down, Henry. I am not calling Mike. Henry: All right. How about a singing telegram? Katie: No. Henry: Okay, e-mails? Smoke signals? I don't care. Katie, you have to make contact. Katie: I wouldn't even know what to say. Henry: "Hello." Katie: Hello? Henry: Hello. Hello. That's all you have to say. And then, nature will take its course and you two will never have to say good-bye to each other again. [ Katie sighs ] Katie: As long as Simon's out there, I can't get involved with anyone else. Henry: Katie, Simon's gone for good. All right? And Mike, on the other hand, never left. Katie: I know. But I can't -- I made my decision. I'm sure Mike already feels jerked around enough. It wouldn't be fair for me to go back on my word. Henry: Do you still love him? Katie: It doesn't matter. Henry: It's the only thing that matters. Life without love is -- well, you're looking at it. [ Henry chuckles ] Katie: I have to go. Henry: Where? Katie: I'm going to the hospital. I have to pick up my check. Thank you, though, for trying. But Mike and I -- what we had was amazing. But it's finished. See ya. [ Henry sighs ] [ Henry whistling ] Henry: Hello, Mike? Hey, thank God! It's Henry. Henry Coleman. Mike: Hey, Henry, something wrong? Henry: It's the water heater at Katie's cottage. Man, I think it's gonna explode. Mike: How can you tell? Henry: Um -- well, it's -- [ Henry coughing ] It's hard to see because of all the smoke. Mike: All right, all right. I'm on my way. Henry: All right. How do you break a hot water heater?
Henry: That didn't take long. [ Knock at door ] Mike! Thank God you're here! Thank you! Mike: What happened to you? Henry: I tried to fix the water heater myself. And I was not born to plumb, obviously. So, yes, take that off. You don't want to get that leather wet. Mike: Where's all the smoke? Henry: Oh, it stopped. And I opened the window. So I guess it just -- Mike: You turned off the water heater, right? Henry: Was I supposed to? Now, that should keep him busy for a while. Now all we have to do is wait for Katie to get home. Man!
Mike: Henry? Henry: Yo. Mike: You got a sweatshirt or something? This thing's soaked. Henry: Yeah, sure. Anything you need. How's the water heater coming? Mike: It's almost fixed. Henry: Great! Great. That's good news, you know, because I really wanted to take a hot bath. My skin gets so flaky, you know, when it gets cold like this. And I just -- not interested? Mike: Not even a little bit. Henry: I'll get that sweatshirt. Mike: Good, good.
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