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Monday, March 11 2010

Barbara and Henry have just "invented a new Olympic sport" in Henry's room when Katie knocks on the door.  Henry asks Barbara to hide in the bathroom and Katie accuses Henry of spending his money on "booze, chocolate, and hookers."  After she leaves, Barbara is upset and slams the door on Henry's fingers.  He goes to the hospital and is treated by Dr. Reid, who accuses Henry of being in love with Katie and dares him to call her.  Instead, he finds Barbara at the Lakeview.

Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Susan Dansby.


Transcripts from TVMegasite  


Barbara: Oh, I think we've just invented a new olympic -- sport, and you've just won the gold medal. Henry? Henry?

Henry: You know, olympians use electrolytes. I get my stamina from chocolate and champagne.

Barbara: You know, eventually, we are going to have to do something constructive.

Henry: We are doing something constructive. We're laying the foundation for a whole new relationship one kissing, panting, heavy-petting moment at a time.

Barbara: A relationship that is superficial and consensual, with no strings attached.

Henry: Couldn't have said it better myself.

Barbara: You sure you don't want something a little more substantial?

Henry: Substantial? Yeah, I -- I tried "substantial" when I offered the Stenbeck money to Katie, and then she threw it back in my face. So from now on -- why? Do you want something more substantial?

[ Cork pops ]

[ Barbara laughs ]

Barbara: Henry --


Henry: Enough of the deep conversation, okay?

Barbara: Okay. Keep it shallow. Keep it light. Is that it?

Henry: Yeah. Does that work for you?

Barbara: Works for me.

Henry: How about this?

Barbara: Oh.

Henry: How about this?

[ Barbara moans ]

Barbara: Oh, my god. [ Knock on door ] Oh, oh!

Henry: Wrong room. Come here.

Katie: Henry, I need to talk to you.

Barbara: Get rid of her.

Henry: I need you to hide.

Barbara: I'm not going to hide!

Henry: Shh!

Barbara: I don't care if you want to see -- I don't care if she sees me, but you care. Obviously you care.

Henry: Shh! Just do this for me, please? Please, just do me this little favor. Please, please, please?

[ Barbara groans ]

Henry: Okay, okay.

Katie: What is taking you so long?

[ Whispering ]

Henry: Hurry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I, uh -- I'm indisposed. Decent now.

[ Henry laughs ]

Katie: May I come in?

Henry: Uh, why don't I throw some clothes on? We can go downstairs?

Katie: Oh, you know, it will just take a second.

Henry: Uh, right. Um, where's Jacob? Didn't -- you didn't leave the kid with that -- that Dr. Do harm, did you?

Katie: No, he's with Nancy. Um, and don't insult Reid.

Henry: Why?

Katie: Because he's the reason I'm here. I have been thinking -- what have you been --

[ Katie sniffs ] Oh, that's disgusting.

Henry: What?

[ Henry stammers ] I've been binging on chocolate. What's so bad about that?

Katie: Well, you haven't been doing it by yourself. And don't try to deny it, 'cause nothing hangs in the air worse than cheap perfume.

Henry: Look, why --

if you want to rather go downstairs, it would be more comfortable.

Katie: Is this what you've been doing with your inheritance -- spending it on booze, chocolate, and hookers?


Henry: What do you care what I do with my money, okay? I offered it to you. You said no. You said it was cursed.

Katie: Because it is.

Henry: Then -- then what better way to spend Stenbeck's fortune than on champagne and morally challenged women.

[ Knock on door ]

Katie: What was that?

Henry: That's noisy neighbors. They're horrible neighbors. Look, the point is, I want to make this very clear, okay? The woman I was with today is very classy, very nice. Very special woman.

Katie: Oh, yes, I'm sure she was. Right, so all this, and you have the nerve to look down your nose at someone like Reid?

Henry: Well, yeah, I am sorry that we can't all make the lame to see and the blind to walk like the great Dr. Oliver. But I'm telling you, my opinion, my original opinion, I'm sticking with it. I don't trust the guy. And the fact that he's living in your house --

Katie: I didn't come here to talk about Reid.

Henry: Okay. Uh, what did you come to talk about?

Katie: I wanted to let you know that I have been reconsidering your offer about the money.

Henry: Just like that?

Katie: Reid talked me into it.

Henry: Uh, really? Um, what's in it for him?

Katie: Nothing! Stop criticizing him, Henry. He is my friend.

Henry: A better friend than I am?

Katie: Lately, yes. Oh, I really thought I could do this, but after seeing what you've been doing here, I don't want a part of it.

Henry: Katie, Katie --

Katie: No. To see that you've still been so thoughtless about this money, it's an insult to brad and to me.

Henry: Kat -- Katie, no.

Barbara: "A morally challenged woman"? That's what you think of me!

Henry: No, that's what I said to get her out of here. Did you hear the rest of it? [ Henry stammers ] Did you hear the rest of the conversation I had with the woman?

Barbara: You know what? I guess it's okay to run a marathon in your bed, but god forbid that she knows you're running it with me. Is that it?

Henry: Please. Barbara, just calm down. Will you listen, please?

Barbara: You know what the really good thing about having an uncommitted relationship is? I can say good-bye when I want. Good-bye.

Henry: Barbara, Barbara -- ow! Ow! Mm!


Henry: Doc! I need a doctor here for my damaged digits! They're throbbing like a -- oh, no, no. Not -- not you. Come on. Anyone but you.

Reid: Can we keep the yelling to a minimum? It scares the bleeding people.

Henry: I want a doctor! I want another doctor. I want a likable doctor. I want an ethical doctor.

Reid: We're all out of those. It's either me or an intern who can't pin on his own name tag.

Henry: Fine. I'll take my chances with the intern. The last time I let you near me, you had me quarantined for tuberculosis.

Reid: Come on. You're a better man for it. Smashed finger. Ooh! How did that happen?

Henry: Listen, I'm not kidding around, all right? I want that intern in here. Give me that intern. Get him in here!

Reid: That embarrassing, huh? Let's see the hand.

Henry: No.

Reid: Would you rather go to the end of the line, behind all the really sick people?

[ Henry sighs ]

Henry: Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Reid: I'm not even touching you.

Henry: Yeah, you were thinking about touching it.

Reid: Can you move it?

Henry: Ow!

Reid: Well, no bones sticking out. Here's the real test. Can you do this?

Henry: What, are you kidding me?

Reid: Yeah, I am. I'm kidding you, hank. Looks like a sprain to me.

Henry: What? And I'm just -- I'm just supposed to take your word on that?

Reid: Well, if you want a second opinion, there will be a shift change in, ooh, about 6 1/2 hours.

Henry: Are you going to give me anything for the pain?

Reid: Breathe, hank. It hurts a lot less that way.

Henry: You're a quack. You know that?

Reid: And you have a real gift for getting your finger caught in slamming doors, don't you?

Henry: What are you talking about?

Reid: This pitiful little situation you have going on with Katie.

Henry: What, what, what? What situation?

Reid: Oh, come on. It's so obvious that -- that you're in love with her. And yet you keep finding ways of screwing it up.

Henry: No. I don't know what you're talking about.

Reid: I'm sending you to x-ray. Breathe.


Henry: Katie is my friend. That is all she is. And that is why I'm trying to warn her about you.

Reid: Relax. If my hearing goes well tomorrow, I'll be out of here before you can sober up and figure out another way not to go after her.

Henry: You mean you might actually win? You might leave here permanently?

Reid: Why does it matter to you?

Henry: Because you're a horrible human being, and -- and you don't deserve Katie! That's why.

Reid: Come on, hank. You're just jealous. Believe me, I get it. But truth is, even if I move out, you still don't stand a chance in hell of taking my place.

Henry: Why, why? You're irreplaceable?

Reid: No. I know you. You're never going to make a move, 'cause deep down in that shallow little soul of yours, you know that you're not good enough for Katie.

Henry: And you are?

Reid: If you disagree, call her. Prove me wrong.

[ Henry sighs ]


Henry: I deserved it.

Barbara: Deserved what?

Henry: Uh, just -- just know before I show you that there is no insult intended.

Barbara: How did -- when I was leaving?

Henry: Note to self -- never get between an angry woman and a large door.

Barbara: Well, I am -- I am sorry.

Henry: Don't be. Don't be sorry. Don't be. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I asked you to hide from Katie. I -- I should never be ashamed to be seen with you.

Barbara: Well, thank you.

Henry: The fact is, we're pretty good together. Better than a lot of other people, anyway. I know it's been pretty wild and crazy up in my room the last day or so, but you know what?

Barbara: What?

Henry: It's made me happy.

Barbara: Me too.

Henry: Do you think if we went public with whatever it is we have, that that would ruin it?

Barbara: I can only imagine what Paul would say, and Emily, and Kim, and Bob --

Henry: And Katie.

Barbara: Oh.

Henry: Yeah.

Barbara: You know, maybe you were right to lock me up and make me hide. No hard feelings.

Henry: Tell it to the finger.

Barbara: Your room?

Henry: I'll go first.

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