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Friday, March 6, 2009 After some drama, Henry decides to support Vienna in her decision to be a surrogate (and egg donor) for Brad and Katie. Today’s episode was directed by Maria Wagner and written by Peter Brash.
Transcripts from TVMegasite [ Katie sighs ] [ Doorbell rings ] Henry: It's your best friend, the big jerk. Should I say ex-best friend? Katie: No. Don't be silly. Come on in. Oh, these are beautiful. Henry: That's a peace offering. Katie: For what? Henry: Well -- I acted like a real heel the other day. And I -- it's just the idea of Vienna getting, um -- Katie: Artificially inseminated? Henry: Yeah, yeah, I can't even say it. I can't even think about it. Katie: Well, it's not your everyday situation. Henry: No, it's not. The idea of Vienna having Brad's baby -- carrying it for you. It was a bit much for my brain to absorb. Katie: Yeah, I know, you were kind of freaked. Henry: I know, I'm sorry about that. Look, I need to tell you something. You, come here. You stole my heart, all those many years ago, and you've held onto it ever since. And there's almost nothing I wouldn't do for you. Katie: Really? Henry: Yeah. Katie: Oh Henry, I am so glad you changed your mind. Henry: Changed my --? Katie, what are you kidding? No, no, not in a million years!
Henry: Uh, call me shallow, but I am having a hard time with the idea of Vienna and Brad making a baby together. Katie: You keep making it sound like they're going to have sex together! And that couldn't be farther from the truth. What's going to happen is going to happen in a test tube. Henry: Yeah, they're cells reproducing, their chromosomes co-mingling. I'm sorry, no, I can't help it. No. Katie: Yes, you can help it. You have a choice here. You can give into your childish emotions or you can be a mature adult. Henry: I have never tried to pass myself off as mature, and I'm not going to start right now. Look, all I can see is my Vienna, my sassy Swedish bombshell, with this baby growing inside of her voluptuous body. Katie: Are you worried that Vienna won't be sexy anymore? Henry: No. No, she couldn't stop being sexy if she tried. Katie: So what's the problem? The real problem. Henry: The real problem is that, if they make this new life together, there will be this lifelong connection between them. This unbreakable bond. This irrational intimacy. How can we live with that? Katie: Vienna loves you so much, Henry. She could have any man she wants, and she only wants you. Henry: Yes, after she cross-pollinates with Brad! Katie: I don't think we should worry about this baby being a threat. I think it could bring us all closer together. Henry: A little too close for comfort, I'm afraid. Katie: Doesn't it count for anything that Vienna really wants to do this? Henry: Well, Katie, what if she wants it too much, huh? What if she has the baby and wants to keep it? Have you thought about that? Katie: No, no, don't worry about that. Vienna only wants to do this for the joy of bringing a child into the world. That's it. She gets all of that bliss at no cost to you. You don't have to change a diaper. You don't have to be a father, you get to be a godfather. And then, you get to be Vienna's hero because you made her happy. Henry: I know, that's what she keeps telling me. Katie: But we won't do this if you're not happy. Henry: Oh. Come on, you're killing me here, bubbles. All right, all right, all right, all right. I'll think about it. Just give me some time, okay? Katie: Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much. Henry: Hey, take it easy. I haven't said yes yet. Katie: I know, but you will. I'm know you will!
Vienna: Thank you for being so sweet to me. Brad: Yeah, it's my pleasure. Vienna: For me being so much trouble. Brad: I mean, it's not my pleasure that you're feeling sick. I mean, it's just that -- why don't you lie down under the covers, you know, get some rest. Vienna: I will, but I need one more favor, Brad. Brad: Yeah, sure, just say the word. Vienna: Can you get me the peppermint oil on the table. It's the best cure for nausea. Brad: Peppermint oil. All right. Here you go. Feel better. Vienna: I can't do this myself, silly. Can you rub it on my pressure points? Brad: Your pressure points? Vienna: Yes. Brad: Where are they exactly? Vienna: Just start on the back of my neck and then -- rub it in slowly. And then work your way down the spine. Brad: That smells good. Vienna: Yes, not as good as it feels, though. Ahhh. [ Door opens ] Ohhh. Oh, yeah. Henry: I knew it! This is exactly what I was trying to tell Katie. It's not just the chromosomes that are comingling, it's everything else!
Brad: Henry, Henry. This is not what it looks like. Henry: It looks like soft-core porn! No, I'm lucky I got here before it turned into xxx! Brad: Hold on. Will you let me explain? Vienna wasn't feeling well, I brought her back here. I was just trying to make her feel better. That's -- that's all. Henry: You were trying to feel her up, Brad! Vienna: No! Brad: No! Vienna: No, it wasn't like that. Henry: No, no, you want him to impregnate you, right? So you decided you would just forget about the whole artificial part of the artificial insemination, and then you would go for the gusto the old-fashioned way! Vienna: Stop! I have a headache! Henry: Why couldn't you tell him that? Brad: There is nothing shady going on. Are you okay? Henry: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. You stay away from her, okay? Go impregnate some other woman, all right? Brad: I wasn't impregnating anyone, Henry! Vienna: Henry, stop! He's right! Stop acting crazy! Henry: The only thing crazy is that I ever considered the cockamamie idea of letting you get pregnant by Brad! You know what -- I must be nuts? You know what Brad, go, get out! Brad: No, wait a second, I'm not going anywhere until you start making some sense. What are you talking about? Henry: All right, does this make sense to you! Oh! Vienna: Oh, my god, oh, Henry. [ Henry screams ] Ohh! Are you okay? Henry: No! I think I broke my poker hand! Vienna: Oh, god, come here. [ Phone ringing ] Brad: Hi, Katie. Katie: Brad, when can you come home? I have some wonderful news! Brad: That's great, but I can't talk right now, I'm going to have to call you back. Are you okay? Is there anything I can do? Vienna: No, no, nothing. You should go. I'll deal with Henry. Henry: Yes, Brad, you should go! You should get out, and you should stay out. And to think -- this morning, I almost let Katie convinced me to let you two have a baby. You know what, you can tell Bubbles to forget it! Brad: Come on, Henry.
Vienna: Brad brought me home, I threw up, and then you barged in acting like you were crazy. Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, no, no. How did I become the bad guy here? You're the one who wants to have another man's baby, and I'm suddenly Snidely Whiplash? No. Vienna: You asked me to give up something I wanted very badly. You made me choose between being with you and having a baby of my own. And I -- I agreed. I chose you because I love you. I love you even more than the thought of you and I having a baby together. Henry: You made a great sacrifice, I appreciate that -- Vienna: Yes, yes. And I made a sacrifice of something I've dreamt of since i was a little girl. And what do you do? You imagine that I am cheating on you with one of your friends! Our closest friends -- Brad out of all people. What make you think I would do that? Henry: I'm sorry. Vienna: No. Henry: No, I overreacted a little. Vienna: A little? Henry: I'm sorry, liebchen, I'm sorry. Vienna: Don't you think that I know that you still care for Katie? That you still care for her very, very deeply. And that a part of you will always love your ex-wife. But I don't get jealous. I understand. And I trust you. Why can't you do the same for me?
Henry: I love you so much, I do. And I don't want anything to interfere with our -- unconventional, sexy, and completely fulfilling love affair. Vienna: Well, nothing, nothing, nothing will come between us. And once you'll come around to this idea, you'll be fine. Henry: Why is this so important to you? Vienna: Because if you and I can't have a baby, I want to give Brad and Katie a baby. Henry: You're a good friend, Vienna, you really are. But even friendship has its limits. Vienna: No, no, but Brad and Katie are more than friends. They're family. And they would do -- they would do anything for us? Henry: They're good people. Vienna: Yes, they are. And this -- this would be the greatest gift we could give them. Can't we do this, Henry?
Brad: I'm really, really sorry. I was just trying to help Vienna and I ended up ruining everything. Katie: It's okay. It's okay. Don't blame yourself, Brad. Henry was already freaking out about this. It's fine. I'm fine with it. Really. Actually, I'm really excited. Look at this website. I've been looking at these, and it's so cool, you can pick out your baby's hair and eye color, sex, ethnic background. You can even go for a higher I.Q. Or athletic ability. Brad: It's kind of like buying a car fully loaded. Katie: Yeah, it's going to be amazing. It's going to be great. [ Doorbell rings ] I'll get it. Hey, guys, come on in. Vienna: Hey. Brad: Hey. Vienna: Henry has something to say to you. Henry: Yes. I would like to apologize to Brad for the scene I caused. Brad: No problem. Henry: No, I was way out of line. And I know of course -- Brad: Henry -- Henry: You and Vienna would -- I know you -- Brad: Henry -- forget it. Vienna: Well, Henry has something else to say. Henry: Do I? Vienna: Yes. Henry: Yes. Yes, I do. Um, look, Brad, Katie, you two are like family to us -- Vienna: Not like, you are family. Henry: Do you want to do this? Vienna: No, you're doing fine. Henry: Yeah, okay. Vienna: Go on. Henry: All right. And I trust both of you. And, of course, I trust Vienna. And -- I think I think we should try to make this baby thing work -- Katie: Are you sure, Henry? Henry: -- For all of us. Brad: I mean, you're won't go wacko on us again? Henry: No, I'm not going to go wacko again. And I will try to be supportive. And, yes, I mean it. Katie: Oh, Henry! Thank you, thank you, thank you so much! Henry: You know how much I love you, bubbles, and how much I love Vienna. And I just -- I want you guys to be happy. And if having this baby makes you happy, then I'm happy too. Katie: Oh, my god, this is amazing! Thank you! Thank you so much! Brad: Really, I mean. That's amazing, Henry, man. Thanks, buddy. Henry: Hands off the hand! Brad: Oh. Sorry. Vienna: Okay, so now that we have that settled, there's no time to lose. I know how much Katie wants this baby. So, Brad, let's get me pregnant!
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