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Monday, March 20, 2006
Today’s episode was directed by John O'Connell and written by Judith Donato.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: What is it you want me to do this time? Emily: Kill someone. [ Henry gasps ] Henry: I'm sorry. I must have that hearing virus. It's a senior thing. Did you -- I thought you said kill, as in the big sleep? Emily: I need a problem eliminated. Henry: Well, here's your opportunity to be the bigger person, Emily, and walk away. You can say bad things behind their back. Emily: No, that won't get the job done. Henry: Who could you possibly hate enough -- oh, my god, Meg Snyder? You want me to whack Meg Snyder?
Emily: Keep your voice down! I never said a name. Henry: Well, who else have you seen kissing Paul Ryan? Emily: Do you want your money, huh? Or are you gonna start lecturing me on the evils of revenge, Henry? Henry: No, wait a second. I have a healthy respect for revenge. When you and I, remember, put Babs Ryan in that cottage in the woods? I was the trigger man with the water gun. Hmm? Emily: Yeah, well, this time, I need something more than water in the gun. Henry: And you want me to pull the trigger? Emily: You do this, you won't regret it. Execute this one little detail, and you will be swimming in cash, Henry! Henry: Execute, that's such a -- that's such a fascinating choice of words, Emily. Maddie: Yeah. Who's executing what around here?
Emily: Maddie, I can't believe you and I haven't gotten to know each other. Maddie: Yeah. Emily: Henry's told me so much about you. Henry: I have? Emily: Yeah. Henry: I have! Emily: Yeah, and -- you're just adorable. She has your smile, Henry. Anyway, I'd love to take you to dinner. Maybe the three of us can go? You go to Oakdale Latin, right? Henry: Yeah, she sure does. And I bet she's got a lot of homework to do. Did you get the rest of the stuff put upstairs? Maddie: Yeah, no drawer space. Henry: Just shove my stuff underneath the bed, okay? Maddie: The bed -- Henry: Yeah. Maddie: That's another thing. Where am I supposed to sleep? Henry: We'll get a cot. Maddie: Can't. Fire restrictions. I already asked. Henry: Okay, then we'll get a bigger room. Could you excuse us for just a minute? Emily: Sure, family first. Henry: Yeah. Hi, I need to upgrade to a larger room. It's Coleman, room 624. Desk clerk: Of course, Mr. Coleman. Henry: Yeah. See, we'll just get a couple of doubles there, and then we'll double the closet space, we'll double the drawer space -- Desk clerk: No, we're pretty full. I have a couple of five star rooms. They're suites, one and two bedroom. Henry: Oh, I wasn't planning on spending that much. Emily: Excuse me, could we have just a little sidebar? Henry: I'm busy right now. Emily: It won't take but a moment. You could be living in the penthouse, Henry, if you do this one little favor for me. Maddie: Penthouse? Henry, we're moving into the penthouse? How'd you pull that one off?
Maddie: Can I just borrow him, just for a second? Thank you very much. Emily: Oh, sure, just make sure you bring him back. Maddie: What is her deal? Henry: What do you mean, "her deal"? Maddie: She has this weird look in her eye. You know, there are certain women who seem to be able to get guys to do their dirty work for them. Is that what's happening here? Has Emily gotten you mixed up in something that you shouldn't be mixed up in, Henry? Henry: No, no, no, of course not. Maddie: Then why did she say that you can get the penthouse? Henry: She thinks big. Maddie: Did you tell her about B.J.'s money? Henry: No, no, shh, no. Maddie: What did I -- I told you -- Henry: You told me not to touch a dime. And you can trust me, I have not touched anything. Maddie: Well, then why is she saying that you can afford the most expensive room here? Henry: Because she was trying to get me to take a job at this tabloid that she works for from time to time. Maddie: Oh, yeah? When she's not in jail? Henry, I read the papers. I know this woman has a whole lot of history. [ Cell phone rings ] Henry: Don't worry about Emily, okay? Go ahead and answer that, and keep an eye on your minutes. Maddie: I'm under. Henry: They kill you with the overcharges. Just take it. I'll take care of her. Maddie: Yeah, well, your trouble is, you have a thing for blondes. Henry: Yeah, not since my 12-step. It's just brunettes and redheads from now on. Will you answer that? Maddie: Okay! I'll be right back. Emily: Well, she seems like a great kid. Henry: She's a smart kid, Emily, and she sees right through you like cheap cellophane. Now, I do not have a dark side, and I don't want to be any part of yours. If you want to put out a hit out on Meg, you call the mob. And if you ever reveal any of your twisted schemes in front of my little sister again, I will call the mob myself.
Emily: This would all go away, Henry, if you would just do what I ask. Henry: Eliminate the competition? Emily: God, you are so dramatic. Henry: You're calling me dramatic? Emily: Will you just admit it? Without me, your life would be a bore. Henry: It would be a filthy rich bore. Emily: Well, after I hand over the cash, believe me, you'll miss our little visits. Henry: I'll miss you like a bad rash, Emily. Look, repeat after me. Prison is bad. Freedom is good. Emily: No, no, you repeat after me. Poverty is bad. Money is good. Henry: Then show me the money, Emily. Until then, I'm not swatting a fly. It's my money, anyway. I earned it. Emily: You stole it. Henry: From a bigger screwball than you. Emily: You know what, I may be a screwball, but who's sleeping on the floor tonight, big brother? Henry: You think you want this thing done, but you don't have it in you, okay? Now, a crime of passion when you're jilted at the altar? That's one thing. But this is something completely different. You know what, give yourself a spa day. Massage those demons out of that muscle tissue. Maybe some eucalyptus aromatherapy -- I love that. And take some deep breaths. In, out. In, out. Yeah? Relax. Emily: I'll take care of it myself. Henry: Yeah, good luck with that.
Maddie: She's gone? Henry, are you having an affair? Henry: With Emily Stewart? Maddie: You know, you can tell me if you two are. Henry: Not. Maddie: Good. I don't really like her. Henry: She has that effect on people. Maddie: But I do think she has the hots for you. Henry: She does not have the hots for me. She has her talons dug into some other poor slob. Maddie: Really? Henry: Yeah. She's crazy about him. Literally. It couldn't happen to a nicer guy.
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