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Tuesday, April 5, 2005 Henry has decided to get a job as a limo driver. Mike is upset about Jen and Craig and is taking it out on the punching bag at the gym. He tells Katie he doesn't want to talk. She sees Henry and asks him, "What are you still doing here? The workforce awaits." Henry observes that Mike doesn't look so good. "No. But I'm sure he'll feel a lot better after he knocks the stuffing out of that bag. You'd better get to that limo place. You don't want them to give the job to someone else," says Katie. "No. No, I'm not going to leave you alone with him, with that. With that kind of anger, Katie. I'm not going to leave you here. Undefended, in harm's way," says Henry.
"Job or girl?" asks Katie. "Huh?" asks Henry. "The Coleman division of the universe? You once told me that life is very simple. Anything in the world can be divided into two categories -- job and girl," explains Katie. "Right. Some girls are jobs, some jobs are girls. Yeah," agrees Henry. "And how would you know that?" asks Katie. "I was told. But, you know, you're right. That is the Coleman theorem. I am so flattered you remembered that," says Henry, "That was a long night. Man, way too many martinis, I'll tell you what." "Henry, what's going on? What's on your mind? Why are you hiding out here? And don't tell me it's because you think Mike's going to explode," says Katie. Henry says it's a possibility. "Not at me. Come on. Do you still think that every time Mike and I are alone together that our marriage is in danger?" asks Katie. "No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Fidelity might be at risk," jokes Henry. Katie tells him it's not going to happen, and Henry says that he believes her. "Okay. Okay, then you're ducking out on this job interview, aren't you?" accuses Katie. "No, I am trying to be a loving and supportive spouse," says Henry. "Paychecks are supportive," says Katie. "And I'm trying to be a good friend to my buddy, Mike. Look at him. You know, he's working up a thirst there. You know what I should do? I should buy him some brewskis," says Henry. "Brewskis? Oh, that's funny. You couldn't even order a beer, much less drink one," laughs Katie. "That is not true, sweetheart. I'll buy the man whatever he wants," says Henry. "Go. You go get a job. I will take care of Mike," says Katie. "You sure you'll be safe, hmm?" asks Henry. "I'll keep my cell phone handy, okay?" Katie assures him. "All right," says Henry, throwing a fake punch and leaving Katie alone with Mike.
Mike tells Katie that Craig stole Jennifer's designs and is trying to put her out of business. Katie agrees that her brother is a jerk and will do anything for money. But she realizes that Mike is most upset about what Craig did to his relationship with Jennifer. "Well, if you're having second thoughts about staying, maybe you shouldn't. It is a lot to forgive what Jennifer did," says Katie. "Yeah. She's sure having trouble with it. I mean, she walks around the house like she's waiting for me to throw her out of there at any minute," says Mike. "It's so unfair. You work so hard to build something, like you said, piece by piece, and it's just one mistake, one bad minute. Takes so long to get back from. Boy, I've been there," says Katie knowingly. "Me, too," agrees Mike.
Mike decided to try to make things work with Jennifer, and Katie takes her turn with the punching bag. Henry, wearing a limo driver's uniform, sneaks up behind her and says, "Tell me you're working off your sexual frustration. Seems like hours since I've been here, doesn't it?" "Yep, and I've missed you terribly. But these punches are not for you," says Katie. "Don't tell me -- Craig," guesses Henry. "Yeah, I think I'm taking off where Mike left off," says Katie. Henry asks how Mike was doing, and Katie says he was worn out. "Wow!" she says, turning around and seeing Henry for the first time. "You like?" he asks. "I love a man in a uniform," smiles Katie. "Looks like you got the job." "You're looking at the newest driver for the Apex Limousine Service. At your disposal. The limo's parked out front," brags Henry. "What? You're kidding. You got to drive it home?" asks Katie. "I had to, actually. I'm responsible for cleaning it," says Henry. "Oh. Oh, I know this is hard on you," says Katie, giving him a hug. "I get a salary and pay-stub," moans Henry. "Oh, I'm so proud of you and so grateful," says Katie. "How grateful?" asks Henry. "Well, I'm gonna get to live out one of my fantasies. I'm a rich socialite. My husband's out of town. And I'm so lonely. I have the driver for the night, who has to cater to my every whim," says Katie. "You close up, I'll start the engine. We'll take the rest of the afternoon off. You don't have anymore, like, friend duty or sister duty or anything like that, do you?" asks Henry. "No, no, no, no. They can all fend for themselves. I think the best thing for me to do is to appreciate what I have," smiles Katie. "That would be me," observes Henry. "That it would," agrees Katie.
Today’s episode was directed by John O'Connell and written by Melissa Salmons.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Katie: How do you know Craig stole Jennifer's designs? Mike: Are you going to defend him? Katie: No, I'm just asking. Mike: I -- I -- I just don't feel much like talking about it, all right? Katie: Okay. What are you still doing here? The workforce awaits. Henry: Well, Mike doesn't look so good. Katie: No. But I'm sure he'll feel a lot better after he knocks the stuffing out of that bag. Henry: Hmm. Katie: You'd better get to that limo place. You don't want them to give the job to someone else. Henry: No. No, I'm not going to leave you alone with him, with that. With that kind of anger, Katie. I'm not going to leave you here. Undefended, in harm's way.
Katie: Job or girl? Henry: Huh? Katie: The Coleman division of the universe? You once told me that life is very simple. Anything in the world can be divided into two categories -- job and girl. Henry: Right. Some girls are jobs, some jobs are girls. Yeah. Katie: And how would you know that? Henry: I was told. But, you know, you're right. That is the Coleman theorem. I am so flattered you remembered that. Katie: Henry -- Henry: That was a long night. Man, way too many martinis, I'll tell you what. Katie: Henry, what's going on? What's on your mind? Why are you hiding out here? And don't tell me it's because you think Mike's going to explode. Henry: He might. It's a possibility. Katie: Not at me. Come on. Do you still think that every time Mike and I are alone together that our marriage is in danger? Henry: No! No, no, no, no, no, no. Fidelity might be at risk, but -- Katie: Henry, it's not going to happen. Henry: I believe you. Katie: Okay. Okay, then you're ducking out on this job interview, aren't you? Henry: No, I am trying to be a loving and supportive spouse. Katie: Paychecks are supportive. Henry: And I'm trying to be a good friend to my buddy, Mike. Look at him. You know, he's working up a thirst there. You know what I should do? I should buy him some brewskis. Katie: Brewskis? Henry: Yeah. Katie: Oh, that's funny. You couldn't even order a beer, much less drink one. Henry: That is not true, sweetheart. I'll buy the man whatever he wants. Katie: Go. You go get a job. I will take care of Mike. Henry: You sure you'll be safe, hmm? Katie: I'll keep my cell phone handy, okay? Henry: All right. Katie: All punched out? Mike: Almost. Katie: Listen, I know Craig can be morally challenged, but this could just be business. Mike: Look -- if Craig was just doing this for business, he could've taken the money from Barbara and started up anywhere, you know? Instead, what did he do? He stole Jennifer's designs. He took everything that she had for that show. You know, he's trying to pass them off as his own. He even took the ad campaign with my picture on and put some other guy's face on them. Katie: No. Mike: Yes. He's down at the Lakeview right now, selling Jen's design at bargain basement prices and trying to ruin her. That's not business, it's personal. Katie: Okay. I'm going to paint Craig's picture right here. And just hit it. Come on, hit it. Throw in a left for me.
Katie: Mike, I'm so sorry about all this. Mike: Don't worry about it. It's all Craig. Katie: Yeah, well, I do share a gene pool with him. I feel responsible, somehow. Mike: Hey, don't. Katie: I just -- I don't know what he's thinking. I mean, you're right. If he was going to be booted out of street jeans, why not just take his money and do something else? Mike: Because it's not about the money. You know, Craig's always sitting around. He's whining to everybody about how nobody trusts him, everybody's in his way, he puts up with all this flack. You know, then he finally gets a chance to be free, and what does he do? Katie: Stays in the same place and does everything he can to provoke everyone. Well, is there anything that Jennifer and Paul can do? Mike: Paul's got his lawyers on him, and Dusty's got his legal staff at worldwide. But you know Craig. You know, he's smart. He's probably just enough within the law where he cannot be stopped. Katie: Jennifer must be going crazy. Mike: Yeah. Katie: Well, you know what? The best revenge is to live well. What he stole from Jennifer this time, he can't duplicate. She's the talent. All she needs to do is just design some new clothes, and you guys can live happy. Don't worry about Craig. Don't let him win. Mike: He won't. Katie: Good. Mike: You know why? 'Cause I am not gonna be satisfied until I see that he has built something, piece by piece, and then he just has it snatched from away from him in one second. Katie: Whoa. Are you talking about what Craig stole from Jennifer, or what he stole from you?
Mike: Jen and I were in such a good place, Katie. You know, we had it all figured out. You know, at least we thought. How to have a life and her still have the career that she deserves. You know, I was going to build her a studio by the cottage. Katie: Well, you still could. If you want to. Mike: It seems pretty naive now. Katie: Well, if you're having second thoughts about staying, maybe you shouldn't. It is a lot to forgive what Jennifer did. Mike: Yeah. She's sure having trouble with it. I mean, she walks around the house like she's waiting for me to throw her out of there at any minute. Katie: Well, it's gonna take her some time. You need time, too. I mean, it's gonna get better. It just takes a while. Mike: Well, that's what I want. That's what we want. Katie: It's so unfair. You work so hard to build something, like you said, piece by piece, and it's just one mistake, one bad minute. Takes so long to get back from. Boy, I've been there. Mike: Me, too. Katie: And Jennifer's living it for the first time. That's rough.
Henry: Tell me you're working off your sexual frustration. Seems like hours since I've been here, doesn't it? Katie: Yep, and I've missed you terribly. But these punches are not for you. Henry: Don't tell me -- Craig. Katie: Yeah, I think I'm taking off where Mike left off. Henry: How was he when he left? Katie: Pretty worn out. I guess that'll have to do for now. Wow! Henry: You like? Katie: I love a man in a uniform. Henry: Whoa, well -- Katie: Looks like you got the job. Henry: You're looking at the newest driver for the apex limousine service. At your disposal. The limo's parked out front. Katie: What? You're kidding. You got to drive it home? Henry: I had to, actually. I'm responsible for cleaning it. Katie: Oh. Oh, I know this is hard on you. Henry: I get a salary and pay-stub. Katie: Oh, I'm so proud of you and so grateful. Henry: How grateful? Katie: Well, I'm gonna get to live out one of my fantasies. Henry: Yeah? Katie: I'm a rich socialite. My husband's out of town. Henry: Ooh. Katie: And I'm so lonely. Henry: Ooh. Katie: I have the driver for the night, who has to cater to my every whim. Henry: You close up, I'll start the engine. We'll take the rest of the afternoon off. You don't have anymore, like, friend duty or sister duty or anything like that, do you? Katie: No, no, no, no. They can all fend for themselves. I think the best thing for me to do is to appreciate what I have. Henry: That would be me. Katie: That it would.
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