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The Day After the Stalker Story (April 6, 2000) 

Katie: What now, Henry?

Henry: Read it, my little golden goose. It's the overnights from your stalker profile -- "portrait of a stalker's victim."

[Henry singing.]

Henry: Dum, dum, dum, dum! We are number one! Dum, dum, dum, dum, dum!

Katie: Wow, that's terrific.

Henry: And the phone calls we've been getting into the studio, about brave Katie going on just the day after her stalker's arrest -- what courage. Oh, yeah, and that phone number we set up for stalkers' victims, it's been inundated. You, my darling, are the champion of the abused woman. You know what? You need to get yourself a hot-shot agent, because the buzz is that the network wants to buy this piece.

Katie: Stop it, will you? Okay? How can you be enjoying this?

Henry: Katie, what's not to relish? The culprit is in jail. Nobody suspects a thing. And even those phony death threats that we wrote have been linked to that copycat stalker, Hughes. And the best part is, he's not snooping around about those pics that you took of him and Molly.


Henry (referring to Katie and Margo): That is such a touching show of family solidarity.

Katie: Henry, you just really don't know when to quit, do you? Because of you, because you have pushed this thing so far, everybody is scared to death for me.

Henry: So, milk it, Katie. As I keep reminding you, no one knows about our clever use of magazine letters and crazy glue to make those bogus death threats. And since the guy that we inspired to really stalk you is behind bars, where he can't expose you, you're safe, Katie Peretti. So, take the time to reap the rewards of our brilliant partnering. Fred and Ginger couldn't have done it better.

[Henry singing.] 


Henry: Hey, Katie, I need --

[Katie screams.]

Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa -- relax. I thought you and the big sis made up.

Katie: It's not that.

Henry: Listen, you can play the damsel in distress when Holden gets back from France, all right?

Katie: No, it's not that, either. I feel like someone was watching me earlier.

Henry: Katie, that's a bit too much method acting, sweetheart. You're starting to live the part. Let it go, all right? Your shadow is in lockup. And the only person watching you right now is me. But because I'm in awe of your eminent success. Next stop, "60 Minutes." Tick, tick, tick. Production meeting, let's go.


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