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Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Henry and Vienna are living with Brad and Katie so they can take care of "their baby."  Kim stops by to check on their documentary about having a baby, and they decide to make it about the process of surrogacy.  Henry is against the idea; this is hard enough without having it captured on camera!

Today’s episode was directed by Chris Goutman and written by Peter Brash.

 

Transcripts from TVMegasite  

Brad: Katie, you see my gym bag?

Katie: Shh! Wait. Brad, keep your voice down. Henry and Vienna are still asleep.

Brad: Are you kidding? It's noon.

Katie: They're taking it easy today. Thought I'd bring them brunch in bed. Oh, where is the little rose I had?

Brad: I mean, I think it's great that Henry and Vienna moved in with us, but don't you think we're taking the "pamper the pregnant woman" routine just a little too far?

Katie: No, not at all. Vienna needs her proper rest. She needs lots of nutrition, vitamins -- O.J. vitamins, O.J. We want our baby to be born healthy and strong, don't we?

Brad: Yeah! Yeah, sure, I do. Yeah. I mean, I -- I think they're great. I love them. You know that. It's just I don't see why we had to give them our bed. I mean, liberty's bed is so tight, and my shoulder is -- it's like -- ow!

Katie: Aww! I'm sorry. Poor baby!

[Voice breaking]

Brad: It's really bad!

Katie: Come here.

Vienna: Good morning! Isn't it a beautiful day?!

Henry: Not until I get some coffee.

Katie: You guys weren't supposed to come out. I was gonna surprise you with brunch in bed.

Vienna: Oh, that's so sweet! Aren't we lucky, Henry?

Henry: Where is the coffee?

Katie: Vienna can't have caffeine. But I made all of your favorites, including that Swiss muesli that you love.

Vienna: Oh! Ooh, it looks delicious! Oh, this is wonderful. We're like a little, cozy family.

Henry: Yeah. Mama bear, papa bear, yogi, boo boo. And now, just be forewarned, papa bear gets a little cranky when he's hungry.

Katie: Hey, Brad, can you bring me those cinnamon buns? Oh, and I have organic milk for your muesli. You just say when.

Brad: Would you like some more O.J., Vienna?

Vienna: Mm-hmm.

[Doorbell rings]

Katie: Kim, hi! How are you?

Kim: Okay, good!

Katie: Good. You're just in time for brunch. Come on in.

Kim: Sorry, I'm interrupting.

Brad: No, not at all. Would you like -- the cinnamon buns are delicious.

Henry: Are they? I wouldn't know.

Kim: Are you having a sleepover?

Katie: Well, sort of. Henry and Vienna are living with us temporarily.

Brad: Until the baby comes.

[Kim gasps]

Kim: You're having a baby? Oh, my gosh, that's wonderful!

Katie: Yes, it is.

Kim: Oh, my golly. Oh. Well, that certainly puts a new light on the documentary we're making about you trying to have a baby. When were you planning on telling me?

Katie: I'm sorry, Kim. I'm so sorry we kept you out of the loop. We did have to change plans.

Brad: We had a little setback.

Katie: But the good news is, our best friend, Vienna, volunteered to have our baby for us. Isn't that sweet?

Kim: Oh, my gosh! Oh, my goodness. Vienna's having your baby.

Katie: Well, we used Vienna's egg, but Brad's the biological father.

Kim: Oh.

Brad: Strictly A.I.

Katie: Artificial insemination. That's why Henry and Vienna are staying with us right now. We -- Brad and I want to be hands-on during the whole pregnancy, so I guess we're not gonna be able to finish that documentary after all.

Kim: Are you kidding? This is a much better story. I mean, wouldn't you like to all make a documentary about the four of you having this baby together?

Brad: Yeah, why not?

Vienna: Absolutely.

Henry: No way!

Henry: I still don't think this is a good idea.

Katie: Why not, Henry?

Henry: Because making a film -- it's very difficult. We have to think about Vienna.

Vienna: I'm fine! I want to do this! And think about the publicity you can get for your book.

Katie: Ooh, yes. Absolutely. We can totally talk about "The man from Oakdale," if that's okay with you.

Kim: Of course. I thought it was a terrific book. I couldn't put it down. I mean it, Henry. It kept me up all night long.

Henry: Thanks. You really liked it?

Kim: Oh, Henry, you -- you have a wonderful way with words. Which is a reason that you would be such a great addition to our documentary.

Henry: Well, no, that's -- that's very nice of you to say. But -- look, the book is one thing, but what's happening with Vienna and I -- and Brad and Katie, of course -- it's -- it's very personal. I don't know if I want to share that with the world.

Vienna: Yeah, but we have no secrets, Henry!

Henry: I don't know about that.

Brad: I had something to do with making this baby, too, remember?

Henry: Yeah. I don't know about that, either.

Katie: What are you saying, Henry?

Henry: I am saying that I don't think Vienna understands what an invasion of privacy this is gonna be, and that kind of pressure is bad for the baby.

Vienna: No, I don't think there's anything to be worried about. And I -- I'm perfectly happy doing this documentary. And if I'm happy, the baby's happy, too.

Katie: Good. Then it's settled.

Brad: One more thing, all right? Does our original deal still, you know, hold? I mean, if I do this documentary, will you give me my old job back on "Oakdale Vow"?

Kim: That was the deal, and I will stick to it.

Katie: Fantastic. So it's win-win for everyone.

Henry: Almost everyone.

Kim: All right. You know what I'm gonna do? I'll go back to the studio. I'll get everything set up. When you are all ready, come meet me there, and we'll shoot our first segment. How about it?

Katie: Perfect.

Kim: Okay.

Katie: We'll see you there.

Kim: See you soon.

Katie: I want to freshen up, and you should change your shirt.

Brad: Oh, after you.

Henry: I still don't think this is a good idea!

Vienna: Why not?

Henry: Why? For a million reasons. It's a lie, first of all. That's not Brad's baby inside of you. It's mine.

Vienna: No, it's not! I'm still carrying this baby for Brad and Katie, and it's theirs in every way that counts!

Henry: You say that now. Later on --

Vienna: You specifically said you don't want a baby. Have you changed your mind, Henry?

Henry: No! But --

Vienna: But what? But what? Is there something I should know about?

Henry: No, no, not -- I just don't like this.

Brad: Are you guys ready?

Henry: Uh, Vienna is. I -- I'm not going.

Katie: Are you serious?

Vienna: Yes, he is. He's serious. But we can do this without him, okay? Come on, guys.

Kim: We all set? Okay, roll it when you're ready. For some time now, we've all been following Katie and Brad's progress on the journey towards having a baby.

Katie: A long, bumpy journey.

Kim: Unfortunately, you've had some twists and turns, I know.

Katie: But we haven't given up.

Brad: And we're lucky to be getting help from a friend.

Katie: Our dear friend, Vienna Hyatt, our surrogate mother.

Vienna: Hello, everybody.

Kim: Well, now, having a surrogate mother is quite common, but I think it's rare to have it happening this way. Do you want to explain how this all came about?

Katie: Well, I'm sure our audience remembers how devastated I was when I found out that I couldn't have children.

Brad: Yeah, well, we thought about hiring a surrogate, but that would be someone that we didn't know. And then Vienna just, well, sort of volunteered.

Vienna: Yes, well, I always wanted to experience having a baby, and so this is something i wanted to do for my friends.

Katie: That generosity does not happen every day.

Kim: No. Agreed. Uh, so, how did it all work?

Brad: Well, we're using Vienna's egg, and I donated my -- my --

Katie: Sperm. It's okay, Brad. You can say it.

Brad: Yeah. So -- so medically and biologically, I am the father. You name it.

Vienna: I'm -- I'm only the mother until the baby's born. That's -- that's the agreement.

Kim: I see. And Katie, does it bother you, not having that biological connection?

Katie: Um, it's different. But I love the baby already, and Brad is the father, so as far as I'm concerned, that makes me a mom.

Brad: And I think it's gonna be nice to have a little Brad or Bradlina.

[Kim laughs]

Katie: We're still picking out names.

Brad: I think Bradlina's very --

Katie: Bradley, no, no.

Brad: It's very feminine.

Katie: I don't think so. I just want to say though that this is all because of Vienna. We wouldn't be able to take this journey without her.

Kim: And Vienna, have you given a lot of thought to the day that you're gonna have to give that baby away? Even thought how you're gonna feel about that?

Vienna: You know, I am -- I'm totally at peace with this, because this is not my child. This is Katie and Brad's baby.

Kim: Excuse me. I should explain that Vienna's partner is Henry Coleman. He is the author of the new book "The Man from Oakdale." So, Vienna, how does Henry feel about this?

Vienna: Oh, he's fine with it. He's on board 100%.

Henry: Oh!

Katie: Oh!

[Henry chuckles]

Vienna: What are you doing here? I thought you didn't want any part of this.

Henry: How can I not be when it's my -- my partner having the child, now in front of the entire viewing public.

Kim: You know, Henry, we would all love to have you join us.

Henry: I don't think that's such a good idea.

Katie: Oh, come on, Henry. Don't be so shy.

Brad: Yeah. You can talk about your book.

Henry: Okay. Uh, as long as you shoot my good side. Or just shoot me.

Vienna: Come on. Sit next to me.

Katie: Are you okay?

Henry: Yeah, yeah. I'm peachy. The show must go on, right?

Brad: Hey, so how does it feel to be back in the limelight again, you know? The spotlight, the -- you know, the cameras? I mean, when was it? Last time, you were, uh, marrying Katie and I on live TV. And a year later, you guys are pregnant with my baby.

Henry: Yeah. Who knew?

[Laughs]

Kim: Okay. You can roll it when you want. Uh, you may have noticed we have added a friend to our conversation, Mr. Henry Coleman. Henry, thank you. We're delighted you joined us. Thanks for coming. As I mentioned earlier, Henry is the author of the new book "The Man from Oakdale." And any of you who've read his book, you know that Vienna is the love of Henry's life. And so Henry, how do you feel about having your partner be a surrogate mother for your best friends?

Henry: It's complicated.

[Kim laughs]

Kim: I bet it is. I mean, even though artificial insemination was used, your partner and your best friend made a baby together.

Henry: Yeah. No, no, no, no, no.

Kim: Cut, cut, cut!

Henry: I, uh -- I can't do this. I, uh --

Kim: Henry, what's the matter?

Henry: Sorry. It's -- it's -- I have stage fright, guys. Horrible stage fright. I'm sorry. Just -- just -- just go on without me.

Katie: Strange.

Brad: Okay, I think I know what that's about. Let me, um -- see what I can do. Okay, we need to have a man-to-man talk.

Henry: I am not in the mood.

Brad: I think I know exactly what's bothering you.

Henry: Really?

Brad: You're a guy. I'm a guy. Katie's my wife. Vienna's your woman.

Henry: Brad, let's stop with the birds and the bees. Just get to the point, okay?

Brad: I got her pregnant. I got Vienna pregnant. Well, at least, you know -- I mean, my -- my sperm did.

Henry: Yeah. That's what you think.

Brad: And I know it may seem all very clinical, with the latex gloves and the turkey baster thingies, but still, you know, on some level, it's got to feel maybe like Vienna's cheating on you.

Henry: "Cheating"? Is that what you think?

Brad: Yes, and I think it's perfectly natural to feel weird about Vienna carrying some other guy's baby, especially when in nine months or so, that baby's gonna come out of her body looking like the spitting image of me.

Henry: Brad, trust me. That is not the problem.

Brad: Then what is?

 

Brad: Well, obviously, something's bothering you that you haven't shared with us. I mean, we're all in this together. So why don't you just -- come on, Henry. Put your cards on the table.

Vienna: Excuse me, Brad. Can I have a moment alone with Henry?

Brad: Yeah, yeah. Okay, okay. I mean, if you want -- if there's anything at any time you need to get off your chest, I really -- I'm here for you.

Vienna: Were you about to tell Brad something right now?

Henry: No, but I should have, because that's not Brad's in there. That is mine. And I'm -- supposed to disappear, just pretend I don't exist?

Vienna: But what does it matter? You don't want it!

Henry: That's not the point!

Vienna: Then what is?! Please, tell me.

Henry: There's nothing to tell.

Vienna: Are you sure? Are you sure?

Henry: Yes, yes, I'm sure!

Vienna: Okay, okay. Well, then, why don't you come back out and be your charming, funny, adorable self? Okay? Okay. This time is for real. Henry is ready for his close-up.

Kim: Would you elaborate on how you feel you've prepared yourself emotionally for the day you have to give the baby away?

Vienna: Well, Henry and I -- we've decided not to have children. But it's always been a dream of mine to experience what it would be like to feel a new life growing inside of me and giving birth. And -- and now I can do that and share it with Katie. And -- and it just seemed like the perfect compromise.

Katie: You're making me cry.

Vienna: I'm sorry. But, you know, the best part is that I know that this baby is going to have the most wonderful parents. And also knowing that Katie and Brad will let us be part of this baby's life, it's -- it's not going to be the same as -- as being a mother, but it will certainly make me very, very happy.

Kim: And Henry, I assume you feel the same way?

Henry: Oh, yes. I'm -- I'm happy, too -- deliriously.

Kim: Well, you know, this is an amazing story, and I just know that we're all gonna look forward to checking in on you during your adventure, and we want you to come back often.

Katie: Absolutely.

Brad: We'll be here.

Vienna: Yeah, with -- with bells.

Henry: Can I go now?

Vienna: Why did you take off without saying good-bye?

Henry: Don't ask me. Ask Mr. Martini.

Vienna: If you've changed your mind about having children, now would be the time to speak up.

Henry: No, I haven't changed my mind. I've told you a million times. I don't want offspring.

Vienna: Well, Brad and Katie do. So why don't you just be a man and get used to this?

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