Tuesday, April 17, 2001
In today’s show, Katie is looking for her husband, to
whom she is "truly, deeply connected," and
Henry is trying to convince her to hold up her and of their bargain.
Katie walks into Java Underground looking for Simon.
She knows that he’s out on the town looking for a mysterious Brazilian
woman. She grills sympathetic 
bartender Isaac about her husband’s whereabouts, but he avoids telling her
that he’s seen him tonight. While
they are talking at the bar a customer sitting at a table calls out, “Another
Bombay Blue!” Katie turns to see
Henry and calls out to him. Henry
responds, “Gumdrop, I was wondering when you were going to
notice your Uncle
Henry.” Katie asks why he
didn’t say hello, and he replies, “Because I’m not talking to you…
unless you buy me a drink.” Katie
responds that she’s broke and she’s only there because she thought Simon
would be there. “Oh really,
why’s that, did you book a private room for a meeting of the club?” asks
Henry. “What club is that?” wonders Katie naively.
“The Simon Frasier Wannabe Wives Club!”
Katie is not amused, and asks Henry if he laughs at funerals too.
Henry admits he has a “twisted little funny bone,” but that he was
not amused when he found out Simon had quit working at the garage and they had
moved out of the apartment. “I
was shocked, Katie, shocked, that you would do something like that without
telling moi, your only friend in Oakdale.”
Katie confirms that they have moved into Craig’s suite at the Lakeview,
and claims she was going to call but it all happened so fast.
She tells Henry that Craig offered Simon a job.
“Doing what?” asks Henry in disbelief.
“Let me guess, you and Simon are Craig’s new maid and butler.”
“Don’t be mean,” 
admonishes Katie.
“Mean?” replies Henry. “Mean,
you orchestrate a job with my ex-boss for your bigamous husband and leave me out
in the cold?” Katie claims she
had nothing to do with it. “Look,
if Craig is handing out jobs I should be the first in line.
We had a deal, remember? Now
if you’re welching on that I may have to slip Simon’s ‘Secret Wives’
story to the Intruder, and your fantasy marriage would be nothing but a laughing
stock.” Katie doesn’t seem
worried. “Oh, Henry, you really
have to stop these tired old threats because you know what?
There’s nothing you can do to me now.”
In the next scene, Katie tells Henry, “Oh Henry, Henry,
Henry, it is such a wonderful feeling to know that there is nothing you can do
to Simon and me now. You can plot
and plan all you want but it doesn’t mean a thing.” “Oh really?” asks Henry.
“Does Mr. Bigamist-in-training know that you’ve been checking up on
him?” Katie admits that she
confronted Simon about the wives, engagements, lawsuits, etc. “What? He got
down and cried, and then begged for your forgiveness?
And then bought you a 10 karat emerald!” “Not exactly. But
he did admit to a few marriages of convenience, shall we call
them.”
Henry tries to tell Katie that Simon is a con man who marries women for
money and then skips town. Delusional
Katie replies, “Well that’s one way of looking at it.
But he is mine now, we are truly married, he’s not a bigamist, he got
rid of all of those wives and I forgive him.”
“Oh, you do, do you?” asks Henry, disgusted.
Katie claims that she and Simon now have a good, honest marriage, now
that all those secrets are out in the open.
“Thanks to me,” adds Henry. 
“We
are truly, deeply connected,” says Katie.
“Oh, oh, so you’re finally having sex!” guesses Henry incorrectly.
“Oh, Henry!” protests Katie. “No?
Well I guess you’re not that deeply connected then, huh?
I guess down under the sheets is, what, reserved for paying customers?”
“You’re drunk,” says Katie. “And
you’re broke,” returns Henry. “Simon
only marries women with money and you ain’t got none.”
“I have a lot more to offer Simon than that,” says Katie defensively.
“Come to think of it, you do,” agrees Henry.
“Thanks to you, Simon is living in a suite at the Lakeview, married to
an American citizen, instead of having his keister shoved onto the coach class
of Air Koala and shipped back to that pile of sheep’s dung he calls home.”
Katie gets up to leave, saying, “You know, I can’t deal with you when
you’re in a mood like this.” Henry says that he’s going to stay in that mood until Katie
delivers the letter of recommendation from Craig that she promised him.
“Yeah, well see, the problem is that Craig hates you, so a letter of
recommendation is going to be kinda tricky.
Sorry to end on such a low not but I’ve gotta run.”
She walks
toward the door and Henry yells after her, “Yeah I guess you
have to track down that sex-starved gigolo that you’re so deeply connected to.
You know if you’re looking for your husband why don’t you check out
Yo’s, I hear it’s the biggest pick-up joint in town.”
With that Katie leaves Java Underground, and Henry looks very pleased
with himself.
Katie does indeed go to Yo's, where she finds Simon in the
arms of Ruby. Watch out, Ruby!
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