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Monday, April 18, 2005 On today's show Craig confronts Henry and Katie about what they know about Jennifer's pregnancy, and Katie lets on more than she wanted to. Henry walks into the gym and drops a handful of coins on the counter. "I could make more money mowing lawns," he mutters. "The grass is always greener, Henry," quips Craig. "How is the brother-in-law?" asks Henry. "Not happy -- with you, or my sister," answers Craig. "Well, how could you not be happy with us? We're such a fun couple," jokes Henry. "You lied to me, Henry. You and Katie," says Craig. "Lied to you?" questions Henry. "All right. You failed to disclose the fact that Jennifer is pregnant. And you know what hurts me, Henry, is you thought I didn't deserve to know," says Craig. "Jennifer is pregnant?" asks Henry in mock surprise. "Try to give it a rest, Henry," sighs Craig. "Wow, a baby. Well, Mike must be so happy. Can't you just see him down on the floor, playing airplane?" says Henry. "And the reason you didn't tell me, Henry, is because you assumed I was the father. Why is why you and Katie were unusually weird the last time I was here. You didn't want me to know. Don't you think I deserve to be happy, huh?" asks Craig. "You know, just because you and Jennifer had a moment doesn't make the baby yours," Henry points out. "No, you're right," agrees Craig. "I am? I'm right about what?" asks Henry. "The child isn't mine," says Craig sadly. "You want to run that by me again?" asks Henry. "The baby is not mine," repeats Craig. "Yes! There is a god!" cries Henry.
Meanwhile, at Dr. Samuels' office, Katie "accidentally" sees Jennifer's file and questions Dr. Samuels about her. She finds out that Jen is indeed pregnant, 5 weeks, and was very concerned about the due date. ''We didn't know anything for sure," says Henry truthfully. "You knew Jennifer and I..." says Craig. "Look, I've done the wild thing. Craig, if for every time I took a girl around the park, I had to buy a stroller, I'd really be broke," says Henry. "Your sensitivity is touching," admires Craig. "Oh, you know, did you deserve to know? No. Because the baby isn't yours. And if by some miracle of timing, it was, it is still up to Jennifer to tell you," says Henry. "Do I smell morality here, Henry? Since when do you do the far, far better thing?" asks Craig. "I resent that, Craig. I skipped town so Mike could have a shot with Katie," Henry reminds him. "Oh, maybe once in your life," says Craig. "And I'm a changed man for it," adds Henry. "The only reason you didn't tell me is because you were afraid it was true," accuses Craig. "Yeah, you're right. I was very afraid. You're a decent brother-in-law, Craig. But you're no prize as a father. I had to think of the baby," says Henry. "You don't care about that baby. You just don't want Mike and Jennifer to break up. Because if they do, then Mike would want Katie back and your marriage would be over before faster than you could say 'better man,'" says Craig. "I take it back. You're not a decent brother-in-law," says Henry. "Well, where's your loyalty, Henry?" asks Craig. "What? Where is yours? Katie's happy," replies Henry. "Oh, okay, you keep telling yourself that little fairy tale. Because deep down, inside, you know she is still in love with Mike. And Mike is in love with her. And Jennifer knows it. One reason she came to me," theorizes Craig. "You think Jennifer wants you, Craig? Look around, okay? This town is littered with women who hate your guts. There is not a female from here to Chicago who wants anything to do with you. And Jennifer is no exception," snaps Henry. They're interrupted by Katie who runs in excitedly and says, "Henry, guess what I just..." She sees Craig and stops talking. "Craig, he just stopped in to say that is not the father of Jennifer's child. Isn't that great news?" says Henry pointedly. "Oh. Really?" says Katie. "Yeah. He just talked to Jennifer and she confirmed it. It's Mike's baby," says Henry. "Yeah, so it seems," sighs Craig. "Now, if this isn't cause for celebration, I don't know what is. What do you say to some champagne? Hmm, anyone?" offers Henry. "Sure," says Katie, and Henry runs out to get some. Unfortunately, while he's gone, Katie puts her foot in her mouth. She lets it slip that Jennifer is only 5 weeks pregnant, not 10 as Jen told him, which means that Craig could be the father. Today’s episode was directed by John O'Connell and written by Elizabeth Page?.
Transcripts from TVMegasite [ Coins hitting table ] Henry: I could make more money mowing lawns. Craig: The grass is always greener, Henry. Henry: How is the brother-in-law? Craig: Not happy -- with you, or my sister. Henry: Well, how could you not be happy with us? We're such a fun couple. Craig: You lied to me, Henry. You and Katie. Henry: Lied to you? Craig: All right. You failed to disclose the fact that Jennifer is pregnant. And you know what hurts me, Henry, is you thought I didn't deserve to know. Henry: Jennifer is pregnant? Craig: Try to give it a rest, Henry. Henry: Wow, a baby. Well, Mike must be so happy. Can't you just see him down on the floor, playing airplane? Craig: And the reason you didn't tell me, Henry, is because you assumed I was the father. Why is why you and Katie were unusually weird the last time I was here. You didn't want me to know. Don't you think I deserve to be happy, huh? Henry: You know, just because you and Jennifer had a moment doesn't make the baby yours. Craig: No, you're right. Henry: I am? I'm right about what? Craig: The child isn't mine. Henry: You want to run that by me again? Craig: The baby is not mine. Henry: Yes! There is a god!
Katie: I knew it. Jennifer's pregnant. Five weeks along. Oh, I wish this thing said who the father was. Dr. Samuels: Be right with you, Mrs. Woods. Katie. Katie: Hi. Dr. Samuels: Aren't you gonna get changed? Katie: Oh, yes. Of course. I was just about to, when I got a call from my good friend Jennifer. Jennifer Munson. She's so excited about the pregnancy. Dr. Samuels: Oh, really? That's encouraging. I'm glad to hear it. Katie: I know that, of course, when you saw her, she was not quite used to the idea. You know, this being her first baby, and -- you know, the whole situation. It makes sense that she wouldn't be exactly overjoyed, given the circumstances. You must see this kind of thing all the time, right?
Dr. Samuels: Katie, you -- you understand that I can't discuss Jennifer's situation with you. Katie: Oh, no. Yeah, right. I was just excited to hear from her, and then you walked in, so I thought I'd share the joy. 'Cause that is what it is. A baby, it's a wonderful thing. Assuming that that's what you want, you know. If the particulars are all what you want. And, um -- I guess timing is everything. And Jennifer has this huge job, and -- you know, with the father, and everything. So I was just happy to hear that -- that she wasn't as upset as she was when she was here. Dr. Samuels: I never said that she was upset, Katie. She was a little tense, maybe, but that's normal. You said it yourself. She's got a very demanding career. It makes sense that she'd want to pin down the due date. Katie: Due date. Dr. Samuels: And that's all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you'd like to get changed -- Katie: Yeah, you know what? Actually, sorry. My fault. We've been talking so long that I've just realized -- I'm gonna have to get going. All right. I'll see you soon.
Henry: We didn't know anything for sure. Craig: You knew Jennifer and I -- Henry: Look, I've done the wild thing. Craig, if for every time I took a girl around the park, I had to buy a stroller, I'd really be broke. Craig: Your sensitivity is touching. Henry: Oh, you know, did you deserve to know? No. Because the baby isn't yours. And if by some miracle of timing, it was, it is still up to Jennifer to tell you. Craig: Do I smell morality here, Henry? Since when do you do the far, far better thing? Henry: I resent that, Craig. I skipped town so Mike could have a shot with Katie. Craig: Oh, maybe once in your life -- Henry: And I'm a changed man for it. Craig: The only reason you didn't tell me is because you were afraid it was true. Henry: Yeah, you're right. I was very afraid. You're a decent brother-in-law, Craig. But you're no prize as a father. I had to think of the baby. Craig: You don't care about that baby. You just don't want Mike and Jennifer to break up. Because if they do, then Mike would want Katie back and your marriage would be over before faster than you could say "better man." Henry: I take it back. You're not a decent brother-in-law. Craig: Well, where's your loyalty, Henry? Henry: What? Where is yours? Katie's happy. Craig: Oh, okay, you keep telling yourself that little fairy tale. Because deep down, inside, you know she is still in love with Mike. And Mike is in love with her. And Jennifer knows it. One reason she came to me. Henry: You think Jennifer wants you, Craig? Look around, okay? This town is littered with women who hate your guts. There is not a female from here to Chicago who wants anything to do with you. And Jennifer is no exception. Katie: Henry, guess what I just -- Craig. Craig: Yeah! Henry: Craig, he just stopped in to say that is not the father of Jennifer's child. Isn't that great news? Katie: Oh. Really? Henry: Yeah. He just talked to Jennifer and she confirmed it. It's Mike's baby. Craig: Yeah, so it seems. Henry: Now, if this isn't cause for celebration, I don't know what is. What do you say to some champagne? Hmm, anyone? Katie: Sure. Henry: Great, I'll be right back. Katie: This is why we didn't say anything when you were here before. We had no way of knowing -- Craig: It doesn't matter. Katie: Are you relieved? You and Jennifer haven't exactly been getting along. Craig: Ha, ha, ha. Yeah, well that's good. I think most men would be relieved. But you know what? I would have loved to have had a chance at another child.
Craig: Of course, having a baby with princess Jennifer would be slightly less than ideal. She does hate. Katie: There's that. Craig: Another chance. A baby. You know what yesterday was? Katie: Sunday? Craig: Brian's birthday. Katie: That's right. I'm sorry. I should have called you. Craig: Yeah. Saw sierra. Lucy called. Katie: How is she doing? Craig: She's on the debate team. What a surprise! Katie: She still wants to be a lawyer? Craig: She might settle for the supreme court. Katie: Good for her! Craig: I miss her. Katie: Why don't you go see her, Craig? M sure they have family visiting. Craig: Not the same. She's all grown up. I did have another chance there for a little while up in the cabin. I love Cabot. Katie: Me too. Me too. Craig: Wishful thinking, but knowing what I know now, to raise another child. Katie: So why don't you find someone else and start a new family? Craig: There's not a woman in this town to have dinner with, let alone have my baby. Katie: That's why they have cars so you can date outside of your zip code. I switched your appointment to 5:30 on Thursday. If there is a problem, thank you. Call me. Craig: But Jennifer-- Katie: But she is. Craig: She's ten week-- Katie: Five weeks. Craig: Five? Katie: Yes. She's five weeks' prosecuting.
Craig: What do you mean she's five weeks pregnant? How do you know that? Katie: That she's pregnant? Craig: That she's five weeks along. Katie: Why? What difference does it make? Craig: Because I was with her five weeks ago! Katie: But that doesn't necessarily mean -- Craig: How did you find out? Did Jennifer tell you? Or Mike? Katie: No. I didn't even know for sure that she was pregnant until today. Craig: So how'd you find out? Katie: If Jennifer told you that you're not the father, then you're not the father. Craig: I'm asking you, Katie -- as your brother. How did you find out that Jennifer was five weeks pregnant? Katie: I saw her file in the doctor's office.
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