Wednesday,
May 2, 2001
Once again, Katie asks Henry for advice about how to keep
Simon. And once again, Henry comes
up with an idea.
Katie and Simon are in Craig’s suite at the Lakeview, and
Simon is on his way out to “work.” Katie
tries to convince him to stay for breakfast and spend 
some time with her.
She even tied his shoelaces together, but that didn’t detain him for
long. Once again, he tells her not
to follow him, and this time she doesn’t.
“Good riddance! Why
won't he take me seriously?” she wonders.
As always when she’s in trouble, she calls her old friend, Uncle Henry.
“Henry? Hi, it's Katie.
How are you? No, I don't need anything, just the pleasure of your company.
Oh, come on. What else do
you have to do with your life? Uh,
Craig's letter of recommendation? Yes,
actually, that's why I'm calling. I
have it right here in front of me. Yeah.
So why don't you come over to the Lakeview to Craig's suite?
Okay. Toodle-oo.”
She hangs up the phone and scrounges around in the desk for a document
with Craig’s signature. She finds
one and forges his name on a letter of recommendation she wrote.
Looking at her
creation, Katie observes, “Not bad. ‘I
take pleasure in recommending Henry Coleman – ‘ blah, blah, blah, yada, yada.
‘For his many outstanding qualities, including his tenacity –‘ when it
comes to sticking his nose where it doesn't belong. ‘An ability to work well
with others –‘ when you bribe him. ‘And
an enthusiasm which is infectious –‘ so be sure to sterilize after he
goes.” There’s a knock on the
door; it’s Henry. “I must say, I'm stunned, Katie. You
managed to worm your way back into big brother's cushy feathered nest after
all,” observes Henry. “And the
bathroom has a Jacuzzi in it, adds Katie smugly. “Really? Let's try it out!” says Henry excitedly as he
starts to undo his tie. Disgusted,
Katie says, “Oh, don't be insane! And
please, promise never to threaten to undress in front of me again.”
Instead, Henry 
asks Katie to order him room service.
She tells him to order it himself. Henry
calls room service and says, “Hello, room service?
Hi, yes. I'd like a Caesar
salad, dressing on the side, and also a martini, very dry.
Actually, make that an apple martini.
It's not quite noon. Pectin,
it's good for you,” he notes to Katie. He
hangs up the phone and asks Katie for his letter.
She hands it to him and he reads, “’An enthusiasm which is
infectious?’ Well, I guess I do
have a sort of
let-them-eat-cake insouciance, don't I?
Still, this is awfully effusive for
you that huge favor – “
“Uh, uh, uh. Not so fast, babycakes, says Henry.
“This letter of recommendation was only part of the payment.
You still owe me the $500 that we gave to the doctor to help fake your
pregnancy.” Katie says she
hasn’t forgotten about that, she just needs his help to keep Simon from
leaving town. “Still?” asks
Henry. “Why, Katie? He's a ruthless cad. Come
on.” “Who is wanting to change,
and I can be the woman he changes for,” says Katie defensively.
“You know, there's a word people like you,” observes Henry.
“It's ‘delusional.’ Or
have I told you that before?” Katie
pleads with Henry, telling him he’s done it before and he can do it again.
Henry says that she knows Simon better than he does; all she has to do is
figure out what gets to
Henry is eating his
salad and drinking his martini. “You're
right,” observes Katie. “As
long as Lily Snyder is still in his heart, it's like Simon has blinders on.
Until he gets her out of his system completely, he'll never see the woman
that's right in front of him that's been there all along, never wavering in her
devotion to him.” “Katie the
stalwart. Katie the brave,” says
Henry sarcastically. “I just need
to find a way to distract him from his pain,” insists Katie. “I tried the sex thing, but, except for that one time, he's
just not
interested.” Henry
laughs and Katie protests, “What? He
can't give his body without his heart.” “Gumdrop,
you have a lot to learn about men,” notes Henry.
Katie says that she’s been a great wife, cooking and cleaning and doing
his laundry. “Have you thought
about maybe changing your perfume,” suggests Henry, “'cause -- you're
wearing eau de hausfrau, and Simon, he has a yen for -- for yen. It's the scent of greenbacks that really s him on.
That's why he's racked up all those wives and fiancés.
Now, soft spot for Simon is any woman with a big, voluptuous bank
account. So all you have to do is go make yourself a fortune, and he's
all yours.”
“So it's really
that simple, huh?” wonders Katie. “I
just need to be rich.” “Well,
you were wondering what Lily had that you didn't -- buckets of money.
It's an age-old incentive.” “Ooh,
and just think, if I were rich, I'd be pulling all the strings, and Simon would
find me irresistible,” dreams Katie. She
asks
Henry where she could get all this money, and he responds, “Well, I was
about to consider robbing a bank, but then this lovely letter of recommendation
fell into my lap. And now, I'm free
to pursue gainful, legal employment. And
as for you – “ Suddenly,
there’s a noise outside the door to the suite.
Katie realizes it must be Simon, and she pushes Henry out the back door.
Simon can tell she’s up to something, but she denies it.
“I was thinking – “ says Katie.
Simon interrupts her, “Ah, ah, ah. Ooh, don't do that.”
She continues to make her pitch, but is interrupted by Simon’s cell
phone – it’s Lily. He leaves to
go meet her.
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