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Monday, May 3, 2004 On today's show, Henry and Katie stake out Pilar's hotel room which they bugged. Unfortunately she's onto them and is feeding them only what she wants them to hear. Henry and Katie are in a car, cleaning up junk food wrappers from the dashboard. Looking into one of the bags, Henry accuses Katie of eating all the blue ones. Katie denies it and Henry says, "Find me a blue one, Katie. I dare you. You can't because you ate them all." "Relax, Henry, we have more important things to worry about. What are you doing?" she asks as he reaches for the ignition. He tells her the stakeout is over and she says, "You start that car and I swear I will never let you drive again." "Fine, I'll walk home," pouts Henry. "No, Henry, please, don't go," begs Katie. "I will buy you a lifetime supply of blue ones. I'll pick them out myself and keep them in jar with a padlock on it in the freezer." Katie reminds him that she needs to prove that Pilar is up to something. "By listening to her drapes? Her pillow cases? The senorita is not home," says Henry. "She'll be home soon, I can feel it," says Katie. "And then, because you were so smart and such a good friend and planted that bug in her room, we will get a recording of Pilar doing something terrible and then Mike will believe me, and then..." "And then what, Katie? You'll get over yourself and tell the man you love him? No. So what's the point?" says Henry, frustrated. "Just because I can't marry the man, doesn't mean I have to let him get killed," protests Katie. Suddenly they hear a noise and Katie asks Henry if he thinks Pilar is home. "Well, unless the maid has a maid service, it's Pilar," he answers. Pilar calls Mike and asks him what he's doing. "Please be busy, Mike," pleads Katie. "He'd be up to his eyeballs if a certain blonde..." says Henry before Katie shushes him. Pilar suggests dinner and a movie and Katie protests, "Dinner and a movie? That's a date. That's not just hanging out. She can't do that." Pilar suggests Mike come over and again Katie pleads, "Say no, Mike! Come on, you're busy. You had a long weekend. You have to pay bills or do laundry." "Great. See you soon," says Pilar, hanging up the phone with a smug smile. "No!" moans Katie. "One phone call, Katie, and he'd forget all about her," says Henry. Mike comes over with a bottle of wine. "That is so sweet. I'd love a glass of wine. But then you always could read my mind," says Pilar. "Gag me with a corkscrew," says Katie. Pilar goes to get some glasses out of the bathroom and Katie says, "How can he not see through her? She's such a phony." "Oh, I hate to break it to you, Bubbles, but men line up for that kind of phony," says Henry. "If you can't say anything encouraging, don't say anything at all," orders Katie. There is silence and Henry sighs, bored. "What are they doing? What are they doing, Henry?" wonders Katie frantically. "We should have put the camera in there." "Paris Hilton, here we come," comments Henry. "I'm not talking about that and you know it. Russell Terry said that Pilar wanted to kill Mike. She ran up to me and said pretty much the same thing. Who's going to protect him if we don't?" says Katie. Back in the room, Pilar asks Mike if he's heard from Katie and he says she's keeping her distance. "You okay with that?" asks Pilar. "I don't want to talk about her. I want to relax, have a nice evening," says Mike. Pilar takes off her shoes and complains about how tired she is from being on her feet all day. She realizes she still has the room keys and Mike offers to take them back to the office for her. When he leaves she gets out her cell phone and makes a call directly over the bug. "It's Pilar. He's here. You know what to do," she says cryptically. "Russ is still in jail, right?" says Henry worriedly. "She must have gotten herself a new partner. Damn it, Henry, we should have tapped the phone!" says Katie regretfully. "Perfect. By the time he figures it out, it'll be too late," says Pilar. "Henry, she's gonna kill him tonight!" cries Katie. Katie is struggling to get out of the car and Henry is trying to stop her. "Will you calm down?" he says. "No, I can't calm down when Mike's life is at stake! I've got to go, Henry! We don't have any time!" she cries as she escapes from the car and runs toward the hotel, with Henry calling after. Meanwhile, back in the room, Pilar has conveniently opened the drapes for Katie to look through the window. Mike produces a corkscrew to open the wine and Pilar sweetly says, "What would I do without you?" "All right, Pilar. One false move, you're the one who's dead," mutters Katie. Mike leaves to get some ice and Pilar obviously and deliberately opens a vial of something and puts it in Mike's glass. "Oh, my God. She's poisoning him," concludes Katie, just as Pilar wanted her to. Today’s episode was directed by Maria Wagner and written by Elizabeth Page.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: You ate all the blue ones. Katie: I did not. Henry: Find me a blue one, Katie. I dare you. You can't because you ate them all. Katie: Relax, Henry, we have more important things to worry about. What are you doing? Henry: This stakeout is officially over. Katie: You start that car and I swear I will never let you drive again. Henry: Fine, I'll walk home. Katie: No, Henry, please, don't go. I will buy you a lifetime supply of blue ones. I'll pick them out myself and keep them in jar with a padlock on it in the freezer. Henry: Good. Katie: Please, I need to prove to Margo and Mike and everyone else that Pilar is up to no good. Henry: By listening to her drapes? Her pillow cases? The senorita is not home. Katie: She'll be home soon, I can feel it. And then, because you were so smart and such a good friend and planted that bug in her room, we will get a recording of Pilar doing something terrible and then Mike will believe me, and then -- Henry: And then what, Katie? You'll get over yourself and tell the man you love him? No. So what's the point? Katie: Just because I can't marry the man, doesn't mean I have to let him get killed. Henry: Shh! Katie: Do you think she's home? Henry: Well, unless the maid has a maid service, it's Pilar. Pilar: Hey, Mike. It's me. Yeah, I'm done with work. You busy? Katie: Please be busy, Mike. Pilar: I thought maybe we could hang out. Henry: He'd be up to his eyeballs if a certain blonde -- Katie: Shh! Pilar: Dinner would be great, or a movie, um, whatever -- Katie: Dinner and a movie? That's a date. That's not just hanging out. She can't do that. Pilar: So why don't you come over here and we'll decide. Katie: Say no, Mike! Come on, you're busy. You had a long weekend. You have to pay bills or do laundry. Pilar: Great. See you soon. Katie: No! Pilar: And Michael, I'm really looking forward to it. Henry: One phone call, Katie, and he'd forget all about her.
Pilar: Hey, Mike. Mike: You still a chablis girl? I figured since the Wagon Wheel isn't exactly a mini-bar kind of place -- Pilar: That is so sweet. I'd love a glass of wine. But then you always could read my mind. Katie: Gag me with a corkscrew. Henry: Ouch. Mike: You got some glasses in the bathroom? Pilar: You stay. I'll get them. Katie: How can he not see through her? She's such a phony. Henry: Oh, I hate to break it to you, Bubbles, but men line up for that kind of phony. Katie: If you can't say anything encouraging, don't say anything at all. [ Henry sighs ] What are they doing? What are they doing, Henry? We should have put the camera in there. Henry: Paris Hilton, here we come. Katie: I'm not talking about that and you know it. Russell Terry said that Pilar wanted to kill Mike. She ran up to me and said pretty much the same thing. Who's going to protect him if we don't? Pilar: Have you heard from Katie? Mike: She's keeping her distance. Pilar: You okay with that? Mike: I don't want to talk about her. I want to relax, have a nice evening.
Pilar: Um, let me just change my shoes. Mike: You okay? Pilar: I'm just not used to being on my feet all day. [ Pilar groans ] Mike: What? Pilar: I was supposed to return these to the office. Mike: I'll take them. You relax. Pilar: You're too good to me. It's Pilar. He's here. You know what to do. Henry: Russ is still in jail, right? Katie: She must have gotten herself a new partner. Damn it, Henry, we should have tapped the phone! Pilar: Perfect. By the time he figures it out, it'll be too late. Katie: Henry, she's gonna kill him tonight.
Henry: Will you calm down? Katie: No, I can't calm down when Mike's life is at stake! I've got to go, Henry! We don't have any time! Henry: Katie, Katie, Katie! Mike: A room with a view. Pilar: I hope you don't mind. It can get a little claustrophobic in here. Mike: It's fine. You decided what you want to do? Pilar: If it's okay, I'd like to put my feet up for a little while. We could have some wine. Mike: That's why I brought it. You got a corkscrew? I've got one, actually. Pilar: What would I do without you? Katie: All right, Pilar. One false move, you're the one who's dead.
Pilar: To new beginnings. Mm. This wine is wonderful, but maybe we should get some ice. Mike: I -- I told them to chill the bottle. Pilar: It's not your fault. It's warm in here. Mike: Does the air conditioner work? Pilar: It's noisy. Mike: You want me to take a look at it? Pilar: Another time. There's an ice machine down the hall. Mike: You need to talk to the manager about getting you a better room. Pilar: You're right. Katie: Oh, my God. She's poisoning him.
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