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Friday, May 27, 2005 Henry has told Katie their marriage is over. Unable to accept it, Katie resorts to her old scheming ways to win him back.
Alison is at Metro when there's a knock on the door. She calls out that they're not open yet, but the person knocks again. She opens the door and says, "We're not open yet. I'm sorry, we don't open..." Henry says hello and walks in, dressed in his limo driver uniform. "Oh. Henry. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with the hat," says Alison. "I'm meeting a client. The dispatcher said to wait for him here. Where is he?" asks Henry. "Well, like I said, we're not open yet," says Alison. Katie comes in and says, "Sorry, I'm late. Can we get two regular coffees to go? Extra sugar for Henry. I'm so glad you were free -- I have loads of errands to run today." Katie smiles at Henry as if nothing is wrong, and he shakes his head. "No, no and no," he says.
"You tricked me," accuses Henry. "No, I hired you," says Katie. "You can't hire me. I'm your husband!" says Henry. "Exactly. And when a wife wants to talk to her husband and he refuses, she has the right to use any means possible, including hiring him to drive her around all day," explains Katie. "Well, find yourself another chauffeur, honey, because I quit," says Henry. "You can't quit. We need the money," says Katie. "We?" asks Henry. "Yes, we. You can't just un-we us because you're mad at me," says Katie. "Mad at you? Katie -- this is ridiculous," says Henry. "No, this is normal. It's what couples go through. It's called a period of adjustment. And news flash -- I chose you, I married you, and we're happy. Henry, please, I missed you so much last night," begs Katie. "Well, that's interesting, because I didn't miss you at all," says Henry. "Because of Ivy?" asks Katie. Henry says yes, and Katie accuses him of lying. "Well, be that as it may, we're history, honey," says Henry, turning to go. Katie grabs him and kisses him. He pushes her away and swats at her with his hat. "What do I have to do, get a restraining order on you?" he asks. "You were not with Ivy last night. You were not with anyone last night. You love me. I can feel it," insists Katie.
"You love me," repeats Katie. "See, that's the projection, Kathryn. You love me, so you assume that I must love you, but I've been cured. I don't think about you. I don't dream about you. I don't long for -- for anything. I've got my life back. And I intend to keep it that way. So back off, baby, I'm a free man," says Henry, putting on his hat and leaving the bar. Alison comes out from the back and tells Katie she's sorry things didn't work out. "Oh, it'll work. It's just going to take a little bit longer than I thought," says Katie confidently. "But I thought that he said it was over," says Alison, confused. "Alison, let me tell you a little something about men. Don't ever listen to them. Really. They don't know what they want. Have you ever seen a guy shopping for a shirt? 'Red, yellow, blue, hmm?' They're clueless. Why? They don't know who they are. They don't know what they want. They don't know what they need. But they need us -- to figure out their lives for them. Henry wants me. He's just -- he's hurt because I panicked when Mike got married. Not that Mike knows what he wants either, but that's beside the point. I love Henry and Henry loves me, he's just too hurt to admit it," explains the wise Katie. "Right. Only from my experience, which is nothing compared to yours -- when men get their pride hurt, they tend to do what Henry did last night," says Alison. "You mean the bimbo at the bar last night? That just proves that he misses me," says Katie. "But if he's all wrapped up with her...." "How am I going to get near him? Good point. If he sees me coming, he's going to run. So -- he can't see me. Which means -- I can't be me," says Katie, with that look on her face. "Say what?" asks Alison. "Watch and learn, Alison. It's time to bring out the big guns," smiles Katie. Katie is looking through last night's receipts, and Alison is nervous. "You're basically stealing this woman's credit card number. That's illegal," she says. Katie explains that it's OK because people give her their credit card numbers all the time at the gym. "Yeah, but Ivy Churchill did not come into the gym," says Alison. "No, but she could have. And what I'm doing with the number is what's important. Fixing Henry's life -- that's worth it," justifies Katie. "I don't know, Katie. This sounds like something I would do. And believe me, given my track record..." says Alison. Katie explains that this is about love, just like her and Aaron. "Everybody knows that Henry loves you. Henry knows it. But that's not the point," says Alison. "And I love him. I do. Okay, it's not the same as it was with Mike, but Henry's a different person, so it makes sense that my feelings for him would be different. Henry's funny. That's just him. Mike's not. He's intense and very tender. Not that Henry's not tender, it's just that Mike...." "...Is married," says Alison. "Is that what you think this is? That I only want Henry because I can't have Mike, or that I'm just too afraid to be alone? Alison, that's not it. Henry and I are best friends. We love the same movies, the same ice cream, the same -- let's just say there's no problem in the bedroom. We just have fun together, make each other happy. And if anything ever happened to him, I -- I don't know what I would do. I mean, when I thought he had a heart attack..." says Katie. "I know that you love him," says Alison. "I do. So you'll help me? Please, just this once," begs Katie. Alison reluctantly agrees. "I knew it. You are the best! If I can get Henry to see me the way I want him to, we will name our next rabbit after you," smiles Katie as the two leave the club. They show up at the Lakeview Lounge, where Henry is looking forlorn sitting at the bar alone. "Do I know my husband, or do I know my husband. Okay. Go do what you have to do," Katie tells Alison. She goes up to the bar and sits down next to Henry. "You're too young to be served, so you must be here to apologize," guesses Henry. "I had nothing to do with that whole thing this morning," says Alison. "Oh, come on. Save it, Alison. You and Katie go way back," says Henry. "Henry, I -- I'm just here to give you this. Somebody left it for you at Metro," says Alison, handing him a note in an envelope. Henry opens it, reads it, and rips it up. "That's it?" asks Alison, while Katie watches from behind a magazine. "What do you want, sweetheart? You want a pat on the back? It was a nice try," says Henry.
Katie motions to Alison to continue, so she asks Henry what she should tell her. "Who, Katie?" asks Henry. "The woman who left the note -- Ivy something -- if she calls?" says Alison. "Thanks, but no thanks," says Henry. "You're not interested?" asks Ally, and Henry says no. "Why not? I mean, if you're a free man," says Alison. "Alison, why are you so interested in my status?" asks Henry suspiciously. "I'm not. I'm just, you know -- if Ivy wants to know why, because that's the way women are. They want to know answers to everything. They want to know how and why and why not. I need to know what to tell her if she just breaks down crying in the middle of Metro," explains Alison. "Did Katie put you up to this? I've got to tell you, this has Katie written all over it," says Henry. Alison not so subtly looks over his shoulder, and Henry stands up and turns around to see what she's looking at. But Katie is gone.
Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar and written by Elizabeth Page.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Alison: We're not open yet. I'm sorry, we don't open -- Henry: Hello. Alison: Oh. Henry. I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you with the hat. Henry: I'm meeting a client. The dispatcher said to wait for him here. Where is he? Alison: Well, like I said, we're not open yet -- Katie: Sorry, I'm late. Hi. Alison: Hi. Katie: Can we get two regular coffees to go? Extra sugar for Henry. I'm so glad you were free -- I have loads of errands to run today. Henry: No, no and no.
Henry: You tricked me. Katie: No, I hired you. Henry: You can't hire me. I'm your husband. Katie: Exactly. And when a wife wants to talk to her husband and he refuses, she has the right to use any means possible, including hiring him to drive her around all day. Henry: Well, find yourself another chauffeur, honey, because I quit. Katie: You can't quit. We need the money. Henry: We? Katie: Yes, we. Alison: I'll be in the back if anyone -- Katie: You can't just un-we us because you're mad at me. Henry: Mad at you? Katie -- this is ridiculous. Katie: No, this is normal. It's what couples go through. It's called a period of adjustment. And news flash -- I chose you, I married you, and we're happy. Henry, please, I missed you so much last night. Henry: Well, that's interesting, because I didn't miss you at all. Katie: Because of Ivy? Henry: Yes. Katie: You're lying. Henry: Well, be that as it may, we're history, honey. What do I have to do, get a restraining order on you? Katie: You were not with Ivy last night. You were not with anyone last night. You love me. I can feel it.
Katie: You love me -- Henry: See, that's the projection, Kathryn. You love me, so you assume that I must love you, but I've been cured. I don't think about you. I don't dream about you. I don't long for -- for anything. I've got my life back. And I intend to keep it that way. So back off, baby, I'm a free man. Alison: He's gone? Katie: For now. Alison: I'm so sorry, Katie, I know how much you wanted this to work. Katie: Oh, it'll work. It's just going to take a little bit longer than I thought. Alison: But I thought that he said it was over. Katie: Alison, let me tell you a little something about men. Don't ever listen to them. Really. They don't know what they want. Have you ever seen a guy shopping for a shirt? "Red, yellow, blue, hmm?" They're clueless. Why? They don't know who they are. They don't know what they want. They don't know what they need. But they need us -- to figure out their lives for them. Henry wants me. He's just -- he's hurt because I panicked when Mike got married. Not that Mike knows what he wants either, but that's beside the point. I love Henry and Henry loves me, he's just too hurt to admit it. Alison: Right. Only from my experience, which is nothing compared to yours -- when men get their pride hurt, they tend to do what Henry did last night. Katie: You mean the bimbo at the bar last night? That just proves that he misses me. Alison: But if he's all wrapped up with her -- ? Katie: How am I going to get near him? Good point. If he sees me coming, he's going to run. So -- he can't see me. Which means -- I can't be me. Alison: Say what? Katie: Watch and learn, Alison. It's time to bring out the big guns.
Alison: I'm getting a really bad feeling about this? Katie: Why? Oh, here it is, Ivy Churchill. Alison: You're basically stealing this woman's credit card number. That's illegal. Katie: Oh, contraire. People give me their credit card numbers all the time at the gym when they're getting a new membership or booking a massage. Alison: Yeah, but Ivy Churchill did not come into the gym. Katie: No, but she could have. And what I'm doing with the number is what's important. Fixing Henry's life -- that's worth it. Alison: I don't know, Katie. This sounds like something I would do. And believe me, given my track record -- Katie: Are you or are you not madly in love with Aaron, who is madly in love with you? Alison: Yes. Katie: Well, case closed. This is about love. Henry loves me. Alison: Everybody knows that Henry loves you. Henry knows it. But that's not the point. Katie: And I love him. I do. Okay, it's not the same as it was with Mike, but Henry's a different person, so it makes sense that my feelings for him would be different. Henry's funny. That's just him. Mike's not. He's intense and very tender. Not that Henry's not tender, it's just that Mike -- Alison: -- Is married. Katie: Is that what you think this is? That I only want Henry because I can't have Mike, or that I'm just too afraid to be alone? Alison, that's not it. Henry and I are best friends. We love the same movies, the same ice cream, the same -- let's just say there's no problem in the bedroom. We just have fun together, make each other happy. And if anything ever happened to him, I -- I don't know what I would do. I mean, when I thought he had a heart attack -- Alison: I know that you love him. Katie: I do. So you'll help me? Please, just this once. [ Alison sighs ] Alison: Well, I did ask for you to cover for me. Katie: I knew it. You are the best! If I can get Henry to see me the way I want him to, we will name our next rabbit after you. [ Alison laughs ]
Katie: Do I know my husband, or do I know my husband. Okay. Go do what you have to do. Henry: You're too young to be served, so you must be here to apologize. Alison: I had nothing to do with that whole thing this morning. Henry: Oh, come on. Save it, Alison. You and Katie go way back. Alison: Henry, I -- I'm just here to give you this. Somebody left it for you at Metro. That's it? Henry: What do you want, sweetheart? You want a pat on the back? It was a nice try.
Alison: So -- so what should I tell her? Henry: Who, Katie? Alison: The woman who left the note -- Ivy something -- if she calls? Henry: Thanks, but no thanks. Alison: You're not interested? Henry: No. Alison: Why not? I mean, if you're a free man -- Henry: Alison, why are you so interested in my status? Alison: I'm not. I'm just, you know -- if Ivy wants to know why, because that's the way women are. They want to know answers to everything. They want to know how and why and why not. I need to know what to tell her if she just breaks down crying in the middle of Metro. Henry: Did Katie put you up to this? I've got to tell you, this has Katie written all over it.
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