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Wednesday, June 17, 2009 Brad and Vienna dance the Argentine Tango on "Oakdale Now" while Katie and Henry watch from the comfort of Katie's bed. They're both shocked when Vienna's dress pops open! Henry is so upset he calls the station pretending to be Geneva Swift, a founding member of the "Illinois Citizens Against Nudity." Kim offers Geneva to have her say on the station, so Henry dons a dress, make-up, wig, and heels to play the part. Vienna sees the interview and is very upset at what this strange woman says about her!
Today’s episode was directed by Chris Goutman and written by Peter Brash.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Kim: Don't mess up her makeup. You look fabulous. Henry: Yeah, I thought so, too. Kim: So, are you ready for tango Argentina? Vienna: I can't wait. Kim: What about your costume? How did that turn out? Whoo! Vienna: Whoo! Isn't it fabulous? Kim: Yes. Henry: Where's the rest of it?
Henry: You can't go on TV half naked. Vienna: I am not naked! Kim: Henry, Henry. This is pretty typical for a tango costume these days. And look how beautiful she looks. Vienna: Yeah! Henry: Isn't it -- and it must be uncomfortable. Kim: For Vienna or for you? Henry: Both. Kim: Vienna, do me a favor. Go back to makeup and have them just check. I think there's a little smudge. Vienna: Okay. That was Henry's fault. He's a naughty boy. Henry: That's a naughty dress. Can't you put on a shawl or some kind of lace mantilla? Kim: Hey, listen! Listen to me. Henry, no more. No more scenes. Now, what you need to do is to go back to Katie, watch the show with her. You're gonna be so much more comfortable. Henry: No. I'm gonna stay right here 'cause I have some questions about that wardrobe. I'm her unofficial agent, you know. Kim: Let me put it this way -- get out now!
Katie: It's just a TV show. It's not real life, Henry. You have nothing to worry about. Henry: You sure you're okay with all of this? Katie: Yeah, I'm fine. I'm a professional. So is Brad. Vienna's doing us a huge favor by filling in for me. I owe her a lot. Henry: You're never, ever jealous seeing the two of them together? Katie: No, not at all. Henry: Even with all that cleavage? Katie: No. Doesn't bother me a bit. Henry: Liar. Katie: Okay, maybe a little bit, but only, you know, when Brad stares. Henry: He stares a lot, sweetheart. Katie: Well, can you blame him? Look at her. Let's just watch the show. Whoa! You weren't kidding about that dress. Henry: Mnh-mnh. Katie: Turn up the sound. Celia: Begin with the caminado, the bodies very close. [Dance music plays] Brad: Do it like that? Henry: That's not a dance class. It's sex education! Katie: Keep breathing, Henry. Henry: I'm okay. I'm okay. Celia: Now the gancho and thrust. Henry: Tell me this isn't happening. Katie: It's happening. [Gasps] Oh, my God! Oh, my God! Did we just see Vienna's -- did we really just see Vienna's -- and was that Brad's hand on her -- Henry: Don't say it! Don't even say it!
Katie: Oh, I'm still on hold! Henry: Please tell me that wasn't live. Katie: What's on the monitor is just the feed from the studio. I'm sure we're the only ones who just saw what happened. Henry: That's bad enough, Katie! I'm scarred for life! Katie: Don't worry! They're not gonna let Vienna pop out of her dress and then put it on the air! Henry: It gives the term "broadcast" a whole new meaning. Katie: Max, hi! It's Katie. We were just watching Brad and Vienna, and you guys are just taping, right? That wasn't -- you're kidding? You're not kidding. Okay, thanks. Bye. Henry: No. No, no, no, no. Katie: Yep! Henry: No! Katie: Live on air! I really hope the FCC doesn't shut the show down. Henry: Okay. This is just one of those things. It was a fluke, right? Katie: Right. But wow. Her breast in Brad's hand. Henry: He was trying to be a gentleman. Katie: Obviously, he was just trying to help. Henry: I mean, what was he supposed to do? Katie: Are you okay with this? Henry: Yes! I'm okay. I'm fine. Katie: I'm proud of you. That's very professional. Henry: Thank you, Katherine. Katie: If you can do it, then I will do it. Henry: I will get you some water. Katie: Thank you. [Grunting]
Brad: Honey, I'm home. Katie: We're in here. Brad: Hold on, Henry. Let me explain. Henry: Go right ahead. Brad: It wasn't my fault. I mean, I didn't make it happen. It was just a wardrobe malfunction. Henry: I know. It's okay. I'm fine, really. Katie: He's been amazing. He hasn't freaked out at all. Brad: Really? Really? Henry: Brad, why don't you join me? I'll mix you a drink. Brad: Okay. Yeah, that would be fine. Great. Henry: Just tell me this, Brad. Why, why, did you touch Vienna's breast? No! Answer me! Brad: Calm down. It was not in a sexual way. Henry: What kind of way was it? Brad: It was -- it was just a reflex. Henry: A reflex, Brad? Brad: Look, I was trying to keep her from being humiliated in front of thousands of viewers. It won't happen again. Henry: No. It won't ever happen again, and I'm gonna make sure of that.
Henry: Brad better keep his hands to himself. Why not? [Speaking in woman's voice] Henry: Kim Hughes, please. [Telephone rings] Kim: Kim Hughes. Henry: Yes, hello. My name is Geneva Swift, Ms. Geneva Swift, and I'd like to file a complaint! Kim: Yes, Ms. Swift. Go on. Henry: I was appalled watching "Oakdale Now" today. That brunette co-host, and I use the term loosely, she was downright obscene! How could you subject your loyal viewers to the sight of her -- unleashed frontal appendage, and in high definition, no less! Kim: Believe me, I am -- I'm just desperately sorry that we have so offended you. Henry: Offended is an understatement. It was disgraceful! If I wanted to watch pornography, I wouldn't have blocked it from my TV system! Oh, I thought it was safe, Mrs. Hughes. WOAK used to be a family station. Kim: Please believe me. What happened today was totally unintentional. Henry: Oh, I don't know about that. "Oakdale now" is not what it used to be, madam! Not since you put that Swedish tart on the show! Kim: But this was not Ms. Hyatt's fault. This was an accident. Henry: That hussy and her overactive bosom should be banned and fired! Kim: As I said, this was an innocent mistake, and Ms. Hyatt isn't going anywhere. Henry: Oh, really? Well, I will use every arrow in my formidable quiver to make sure Ms. Hyatt is gone for good! Kim: And just how do you intend to do that? Henry: Are you familiar with Illinois Citizens Against Nudity? Kim: I can't say that I am. Henry: Well, I am a founding member, and we represent concerned women like myself, women of good breeding and moral certitude. There are thousands of members across the state, and we will make our voices heard! Kim: Well, you certainly have the right to express your opinion. Henry: It's not an opinion. It's a fact. Ms. Hyatt needs to be gone, or else we'll picket and protest and stage a boycott! You need to fire Ms. Hyatt! Good day, Ms. Hughes! Kim: Just a minute. Just a minute. If you are that serious, then why don't you come down here to the studio, and we will meet face-to-face. We are committed to giving airtime, absolute equal time, to opposing views. Henry: Well, it's very accommodating, but I don't think I could. Kim: Wait a minute. You just told me that this was really important to you and your membership. Henry: Oh, it is. It is. Oh, it's very important. Kim: Well, I'd like to know if the rest of my audience agrees with you. As far as I'm concerned, I think our audience will understand that this was an honest mistake. But if you want to come down here, state your case as you have just stated it, we'll find out how our audience really feels. Henry: You want me to go on television? Kim: Yes. We'll give you a fair hearing. Henry: And enough people agree with me, you'll consider replacing Ms. Hyatt? Kim: We'll let our audience decide. Henry: Oh, I don't know. Oh, I don't know. I have to check with the membership, with the organization. Kim: Oh, please do. We want everyone's input. Vienna: Darling, I'm home! Henry: Okay, okay. I'll think about it! Vienna: Who's here? Henry: What? Vienna: I heard a woman's voice. Do you have a woman in here?
Henry: A woman? Oh, it was the TV. I turned it off right before you came in. Vienna: Oh. Did you see me on the show today? Henry: Yeah, I saw way more than I wanted to. Vienna: I just hope it doesn't hurt the show. Kim said either it'll boost the ratings or it'll be a total disaster. I could get fired, all depending on the audience reaction. Whatever happens, I'm sure the whole town will be watching tomorrow. Henry: Well, that's just great. Vienna: I missed you today. Henry: Yeah. I'm sorry, baby. I got to go. Vienna: Where? Henry: The dentist. I forgot I have an appointment. Vienna: Oh, poor darling. You hate the dentist. Do you want me to come with you? Henry: No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I don't want you to hear me whine in pain. There are some things a man must be able to do alone. Vienna: Okay.
[Knock on door] Katie: Who could that be? Vienna: Katie? Brad? Brad: We're in here. Vienna: Oh, God. I'm sorry to bother you guys, but I had to come in person and apologize. Katie, honestly, I never meant to bear my bosom in Brad's face today! Katie: Hey, I know you didn't do it on purpose. But one piece of advice -- double-sided tape keeps your girls where you put them. Vienna: Oh, yeah. From now on, I will. Brad: All right. You two may want to watch this. Kim's doing a special interview. Kim: Thank you for joining us. As many of you may know, we had a little mishap on the air earlier, and it's raised some questions about what's appropriate for daytime television. Now, what happened was a complete accident, but a few of our viewers have expressed the opinion that some of our recent episodes have just gone too far. There's concern about too much innuendo, too much blatant sexuality, and, yes, exposing too much skin. And here's one woman's point of view on this matter. Join me in welcoming Ms. Geneva Swift. Henry: [Speaking in woman's voice] Well, thank you, Ms. Hughes. I appreciate the chance to address your audience. Now, I am a long-time fan of "Oakdale Now," but after today' shocking episode, I felt I had to speak out, and I think I speak for the silent majority o fans out there, Ms. Hughes. I think I do. We are horrified, quite frankly -- horrified at seeing what has happened to the program that we love! And who is responsible for the tacky and tawdry -- tawdry sideshow it has become? Well, Ms. Vienna Hyatt, that's who! The appalling lewdness of that Scandinavian jezebel is bringing the show right down in to the gutter! Vienna: Who is this ugly woman, and why is she saying all those horrible things about me? Henry: Put quite simply, Vienna Hyatt must go! Vienna: Oh! Brad: It's okay. It's okay.
Henry: [Speaking in woman's voice] As long as that disgusting woman remains on the air, a loud and vocal protest will be heard! As a founding member of the Illinois Citizens Against Nudity, I will stage a boycott! No more WOAK until Vienna Hyatt is g-o-n-e! Kim: Thank you, Ms. Swift, for joining us. Henry: Thank you. Thank you so much. And, please, let's all send Vienna back home to Stockholm. She's not fit for a wholesome American television. Vienna: How dare that woman call me names, and why on earth did Kim put such a hideous creature on the air? Brad: She was pretty ugly. Katie: Kim probably thinks it'll boost the ratings. Brad: Yeah. You know, I guess a little controversy stirs things up, but she was mean. Katie: She just represents the opposing point of view. It's an FCC rule. Equal time. Vienna: No, no, no. You know what? I feel so humiliated. Katie: She was probably just jealous, Vienna. You're so gorgeous, and she's so not. Vienna: No, no. She's revolting. She's revolting. But you know what? Somehow, she looked familiar. Brad: You own a diner and a bar. Everybody in town must look familiar. Vienna: No, no, no. That's a face I'll remember, and if I ever see that frumpy, old witch again in the flesh, I'll smack her senseless!
Vienna: Henry, did you see it? Did you see that horrible woman? Did you see how cruel she was to me? Are you okay, darling? [Henry groans] Vienna: What? Oh, God. The dentist was terrible. Henry: My whole face hurts! Vienna: Oh, poor baby. Let me see. Henry: No, no. I'm just gonna put some cold water on it. Vienna: Geneva Swift. How can anyone be so mean? She's a monster! Henry: Come on. She couldn't have been that bad. Vienna: No! She was a nightmare! I'd like to kill that woman! Henry: [Cellphone rings] WOAK. Oh, my God. [Speaking in woman's voice] Yes, hello. Kim: Is this Ms. Swift, Ms. Geneva Swift? Henry: Yes. Yes, it is. Kim: Ah, Ms. Swift. This is Kim Hughes, and we've been looking for you. Henry: Oh, you have? Well, please tell me that slut Vienna Hyatt is off the show. Kim: Well, Ms. Hyatt's future has not been decided, but we would love to have you come back and do our show. In fact, we'd love to have you be a regular. Henry: Regular what? Kim: Our audience enjoyed your appearance on our show so much, they have been responding in droves. I honestly think you have a future in television. Henry: Oh, that's so flattering, Ms. Hughes. I think that's out of the question. Kim: You're not interested? Henry: No. I mean, I don't know. Kim: Oh, Ms. Swift, I would so love to have you be part of our WOAK family. Now, you don't know me, but I can be very persistent, and I rarely take no for an answer. Henry: Well, thank you, but I'm afraid I can't take you up on your offer. Kim: You know, you're gonna hear from me again, Ms. Swift. I'm not giving up. Henry: No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. It's not pos-- [Speaking in normal voice] Oh, my God. What have I gotten myself into?
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