Wednesday, June 20, 2001
In today’s show, Katie and Henry come face to face with
Mango Man Cooley, and he tries to make a deal.
Katie is day-dreaming and talking to the coconut she’s
pretending is Simon. “Come find
me Simon. Please, come find me.
What are you trying to do, make me suffer for loving you too much?
Okay, fine. I've suffered.
I've suffered 
enough.
Please, just get here any way you can.”
Henry walks into this little scene and says, “Look, I hate to interrupt
yet another intimate moment with the coconut.
But do you think that you could put your personal angst on hold and help
me with the plane – “ “Oh, stop it, Henry. Stop
pretending you know the first thing about fixing a plane,” says Katie.
“At least I'm giving it the old college try.
What's your contribution, huh? Mental
telepathy with your useless husband who didn't care about you when you were
right under his nose? That's some
good work, Katie,” says Henry sarcastically.
“Sometimes I really hate you,” snarls Katie.
“Would you just wake up?” pleads Henry.
“The koala king is probably overjoyed that we are gone.
Now I hate to kick you out of your fantasy world, but you gotta grow up
sometime.” “Thank you, but no,
thanks. I don't need your
interpretation of my life. In fact,
Henry, I don't need you, period,” says Katie confidently.
“Yeah, that's what they all say -- at first.
You'll come to your senses.” He
takes his martini case and leaves. “I'm
not wrong about us, am I? I mean,
after everything I've done for you -- is this how it ends?” Katie asks the
coconut.
Henry comes back to camp and finds Katie lying next to the
coconut. “Katie, I think it's
time you've shed that unrequited love you have for a fruit and make yourself
useful around here.” “He's not
a fruit. He's a nut,” argues
Katie. “No, no, sweetheart.
That's where you're wrong. You
are a nut. That is a fruit. I know these things.” Katie puts the coconut down in the corner,
disheartened. “Hey -- hey, it's
gonna be all right. Uncle Henry's
gonna make it all right, all right? If
we ever get back to Oakdale, we're gonna find you someone new.
No more nuts or fruits or stable boys or gigolos – “ “I am not giving up on Simon,” says Katie fiercely.
“I am just sick to death of wearing moldy rags and bathing in salt
water. And these rats on this
island are looking more like a main course than a menace.”
“Well, buck up, little cheerleader.
You forget that we have our jungle man for company.
He's probably lurching about in the palm trees right now. So before he materializes and makes a meal out of us, why
don't you sit down and have a little liquid civilization, hmm?” offers Henry
as he begins to unpack his martini ingredients.
“I'm not gonna feel civilized until I have my all stuff with me, where
it belongs,” says Katie. “Well,
you'll think of something insane and impossible.
You always do,” reassures Henry. “Okay.
How does a civilized
woman get an uncivilized man do what she wants him to do?
I have to give him something that he can't get on this island that he
really, really wants,” plans Katie. “Well,
let's see. Hot meal -- decent shower -- sparkling conversation with
witty repertoire -- TV satellite – “suggests Henry.
“What?” asks Henry as Katie begins to eye his bottle.
“I don't know how we missed it,” she says, pleased.
“Missed what? Katie?”
wonders Henry. Katie grabs the
liquor bottle out of his hands. “Hey,
hey, hey -- whoa! Rule number one,
now -- do not Bogart the booze,” protests Henry.
“You are a lifesaver, Henry,” says Katie.
“Katie, Katie, Katie -- just put the bottle down and back away,”
pleads Henry. “Who would have
ever thought that one of your vices would someday be our saving grace?”
wonders Katie. “Just give me --
okay, okay. Just give me the
bottle, all right, and I promise I will not kill you, okay?
Look, we're all friends here,” reasons Henry. “Exactly. And
my new little friend here is gonna get us our trunk back,” says Katie as she
runs off with the bottle. “Katie!”
calls Henry, chasing her.
Henry has gotten the bottle away from Katie and she demands
he give it back. ”Forget about
it. If you want to take down the
abominable sandman, you go ahead. Be
my guest. But I am not gonna
sacrifice my martinis to come guy who wants to have me for dinner, if you know
what I mean,” says Henry. “Oh,
don't you think if he wanted to eat us, he would've at least taken a bite by
now?” points out Katie. “ Oh,
that's a very comforting thought, Katie, thank you,” says Henry.
“Listen, Henry -- we need to get our stuff back to regain our momentum,
so by the time Simon gets here – “ “He
is not coming! Will you give up this fantasy, please?!” begs Henry.
“He must have gotten side-tracked. 
Something must have come up,” explains Katie.
“Yeah, or someone, like wife number six,” suggests Henry.
“He will be here any day now, okay?
In the meantime, we need to show our little island neighbor what happens
when you mess with Katie Frasier.” “Katie,
do you understand what you are proposing?” asks Henry. “Uh-huh. Survival
of the fittest,” answers Katie. “Listen,
listen -- okay, we've survived just fine without that trunk. At least we're alive!” says Henry, 
sipping
his martini. “Listen, okay,
Henry? Haven't you dreamt about a
clean change of clothes, soap, toothpaste, a razor?” tempts Katie. Henry begins to waver. “Yeah,
okay. I would like to look a little less disreputable, but, Katie, come on, do
we have to sacrifice what's good and right and proper in a civilized society?”
asks Henry in dismay. “I promise
you'll have enough left over for cocktail hour,” says Katie reassuringly.
“There's gotta be another way!” begs Henry.
“Come on, Henry. Please.
Please? Come on.”
Henry gives in and hands the martini case over to Katie like it’s his
first-born child. Suddenly her mood
changes and she is all business. “All
right, we have work to do. Let's
go,” she says as she runs off into the bushes with the case.
Henry runs after her.
The martini ingredients are all set up like a trap for
Cooley. It works.
He approaches the spread saying, “Is that -- oh, no, it couldn't be --
oh, my. Nectar of the gods.
Mother's milk. Oh, I haven't
wet my whistle since the flood took the stash that I got from that Snyder fellow
last summer. Oh my!
Look at you. Thar she blows. Oh,
that's a sight to make strong men weep. Oh,
I knew -- I knew I had a job for you babies.”
He sets the jar of martini olives next to the other ingredients.
“You sit right there and you be good, okay.
And I'll be right back. Ahh.
Oh, my. Oh, let's see.”
He kneels on the ground a few feet away and looks at the spread, then
begins to make his martini. Suddenly,
Katie and Henry jump out of the bushes with a parachute.
“Now! Get him!” calls
Katie as they knock him down and cover him with the
parachute. “Hold still!” orders Henry.
“Don't let him get away!” yells Katie.
“You got him?!” asks Henry as he gets up. “Yeah, I think so,” says Katie, struggling to hold him
down. “Glory hallelujah! My martini olives!” says Henry, picking up the jar and
eating the olives. “What are you
doing? You're supposed to be
helping me!” cries Katie. “Oh,
come on, Katie. You're doing a
bang-up job all by yourself,” says Henry, continuing to eat his olives.
“I can't just hold him like this forever!” says Katie.
“Don't cut yourself short there, Peretti!” says Henry.
“Henry, would you help me and shut up!” demands Katie.
“Hey, this was your plan. Don't
tell me you don't have a step two,” says Henry.
“I just really didn't think that far ahead.”
“Well, good thing I did!” counters Cooley as he gets out from under
Katie and pins her to the ground. She
screams and calls out for Henry to help her, who stands there in shock.
Katie is struggling with Cooley and calls out to Henry,
“I can't exactly argue with you now, Henry, right now! Just do something!” “Like
what?!” wonders Henry. “Like I
don't know -- anything, you moron! Get
this freak off of me! Henry, hurry!
Hurry!” Henry picks up
Simon on a stick and hits Cooley across the back.
“How about that?!” he asks proudly.
Katie jumps up and says, “It took you long enough!
What were you doing? Enjoying
the show? I could've died!” “Yeah,
well, thanks to me, you didn't,” says Henry.
“Look what you did to poor Simon!
Look, you almost ruined him!” she says, caressing the coconut.
“You're welcome, by the way, for saving your life!” says Henry.
“Oh, yeah. Way to run to
my rescue, Romeo. Get a clue!”
says Katie, ungrateful. Cooley
recovers from the blow and asks, “Are
you two looney tunes? You almost
broke my rib, my nose!” “Yeah,
and I'll finish the job if you don't -- you better make one move and I'll –
“ threatens Katie. She grabs a
bottle and 
breaks it as
Henry screams. She holds it out
threateningly, taunting, “Come on. Come
on, you ready to go?” “What
have you done?! Are you out of your
mind?!” cries Henry. “Come on,
old man,” says Katie. “That was
the last bottle of vermouth!” says Henry.
“That is for putting a dent into my husband,” she says to Henry. Turning back to Cooley she threatenes, “All right, one move
and I will scar your face.” “A
sweet little thing like you?” teases Cooley.
“Come on! You want to take
me? Come on!” yells Katie.
“Is she for real?” Cooley asks Henry.
“Hey, don't talk to me. Sweet
little thing started this fight. Sweet
little thing can finish it. Rage
on,” says Henry as he sits back to watch the show.
Katie strikes her fighting pose.
“All right. Okay,
where’s the trunk?” demands Katie. “What
trunk?” asks Cooley. “Oh, come
on. The olives were in the trunk.
You had the olives. Don't
leave until you tell us where they are,” demands Katie.
Cooley laughs and
begins to walk away. “Watch it,
he's getting away! Go get him,
Katie!” says Henry. Katie jumps
on his back, saying, “I told you not to leave!”
“Get her off of me! Get
her off of me!” begs Cooley. “All
right, you ready to talk? Or do I
rip your nose off?” asks Katie. “All
right! All right, all right!
Anything you want!” promises Cooley as Katie gets down.
“Hey, those are her favorite words in the language,” says Henry.
“What is it with you tourists? I
mean, you drop in, you drink up all my hooch and try to poison me, set fire to
my house and home -- now I gotta put up with a parachute princess trying to
break my nose! What'd I ever do to you?!” asks Cooley. “You stole my clothes.
You took our trunk with everything in it,” answers Katie.
“Hey, I'm just trying to survive here,” says Cooley defensively.
“So are we. So give me
back my clothes and take us to our trunk!” demands Katie.
“Okay -- for a price,” agrees Cooley.
“What price?” asks Henry. “I'll
give you what you want if this lively young lady gives me what I want,” says
Cooley. Katie makes a face as it
dawns on her what he means.
Today’s episode was directed by Ellen Wheeler and
written by Lynn Martin.
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