Wednesday, June 27, 2001
Katie accomplishes her goal – she finds the diamond!
Unfortunately, as soon as she finds it she loses it again.
This was the last straw. Our
invincible, ever determined and optimistic Katie has given up hope!
Katie has just emerged from the ocean in her scuba gear and
presented the Rose of Sharon diamond. “In
all my born days, that is the biggest, baddest, shiniest rock I’ve ever
seen!" says Cooley. "It’s
not a rock, you slob! It’s a
beautiful, shimmering, faceted, precious diamond.
Simon’s diamond, and my 
entire future,” says Katie, admiring it.
“You know, that’s impossible, Katie, you did not just strap on some
scuba gear and doggy paddle out to some sand bar in the Atlantic and pick up
some diamond out of the ocean. What kind of trick are you playing on us here?" asks
Henry in disbelief. "It’s
fate, Henry, or luck. Call it
luck,” answers Katie. "Yeah,
that’s not exactly the word I’m looking for,” says Henry.
"Well, call it whatever you want, but it’s true.
Oh, Simon wandered three continents looking for this beautiful diamond
and I am the one that found it for him,” says Katie proudly.
"Three continents? There’s
Australia, the US and…?" questions Henry.
"Here!” answers Katie. Henry
begins to laugh and Katie says, “OK, let’s not get caught up on geography,
all right? All I know is that the
minute that Simon sees this he is
going to fall so in love with me he won’t
care anything about geography. Well,
except for maybe mine. Oh, he’s
finally going to realize I am woman. I
am his woman. I am his goddess. I am invincible!!” Katie
holds her arms out in triumph. Just
at that moment a large bird swoops down and plucks the diamond out of her
outstretched hand. “No, no, stop,
get back here. How could that
happen? Get back here,
please!" calls Katie as she runs after the bird.
“What was that she was saying about luck?" asks Cooley.
"I don’t know but I, I think it just flew the coop," answers
Henry.
Katie walks slowly
back into the clearing without the diamond.
“It got away. I chased it
half way to the cliffs and back and I was like this [she holds out her cupped
hands] the whole time just waiting for it to drop the diamond and it didn’t. I lost it! Simon’s
never gonna love me now,” says Katie dejectedly.
Henry looks genuinely concerned about her and tries to lighten the
situation. "Well, look on the
bright side, uh, with a rock that size in it’s beak, that bird has a very good
chance of becoming the sixth Mrs. Frasier.
Maybe it’ll invite you to the wedding to be a maid of honor,” he
says, trying unsuccessfully to cheer her up.
Katie looks hurt and Cooley jumps to her defense.
“Hey,” he says, “Leave the kid alone, she had a rough break.
Can’t you see she feels bad enough as it is?”
“You are such
an opportunist, you’re only sucking up to her because
you want us to dig you out of that hole,” accuses Henry.
“Oh go ahead Henry. Start
digging. Just set Mr. Cooley free,
OK? There’s no need in keeping
him buried anymore,” says Katie. “What,
Katie, what are you kidding? He’s
only being nice to you because he wants to get out of there.
And once he does there’s nothing to stop him from boiling us in a pot
with a bunch of mangos!” says Henry. "Hey,
now listen, I can, I can
find that bird if it flies back over this island and I
can track it to its nest too,” offers Cooley from the hole.
"Yeah, I’ll bet. Yeah,
that same bird is gonna come back to this same speck of sand with that same five
pound rock in it’s beak. No, I
don’t think so. Face it, Katie,
that bird is half way to Myrtle Beach right now, all right?
When it gets there it’s gonna use that rock to get 100 acres of
beachfront nesting," says Henry. “Just
set Mr. Cooley free, OK? Just let
him go, let him fly away. Let him
do whatever he wants. It doesn’t
matter anymore. It just doesn’t
matter anymore,” says Katie, hopeless now that she thinks she lost the only
shot she had with Simon.
Katie has dug Mr.
Cooley out of the hole and he stands up, brushing the sand off.
“Man, you never really appreciate what you’ve got until it’s
gone,” he says philosophically. “I
didn’t pay much attention to these old arms and legs until I couldn’t use
them.” “Hey, hold up there now.
I’ve got some fire ants right here in case you get any smart ideas,”
warns Henry. "Shut up, Henry.
He knows that there aren’t fire ants in there.
Stop threatening him, it’s selfish,” says Katie.
"Selfish!" says Henry in surprise. "Don’t you realize that that is what got us into this
mess in the first place?" says Katie.
"My overwhelming desire
to, to trap someone that doesn’t love me
by traveling hundreds of miles to take a diamond out of the ocean?
That’s what got us into this mess, and that was all you, Material
Girl,” says Henry defensively. "Yes, I have been selfish in the past.
It’s true. That’s why I
urge you: don’t make the same mistakes that I have,” advises Katie.
"Okay, okay, whoever, whoever you are, I want you to release the
real Katie at once," says Henry, not believing what he’s hearing.
“No, I’m serious,” says Katie.
“All my life I have only wanted things for myself.
That’s all I ever cared about - new clothes, room service, stardom.
And I ruthlessly went after those things without even a second thought.
But this time was so different. I
was thinking about Simon. I just
wanted to make him happy. I 
just
wanted to see that look on his face when I gave him that diamond.
And I was so close. I had it
in my hand. And at that very moment
that is when the universe decided to get even with me.
Somebody up there really hates me and I don’t blame them.
The only person I have to blame for all of this is myself.
I’ve been such an awful, awful person.
So all of this is karma. Karma,
with a capital K." “Hey,
come on. Hey, snap out of it,
Katie, come on. Get up, we have
work to do,” encourages Henry. “Work? No Henry, I am giving the rat race,” says Katie quietly.
“But this is temporary, right? I
mean, tomorrow morning you’re going to launch revenge against the entire bird
population, right?” says Henry. “Why?
Birds are our friends,” says the new Katie.
Henry backs away
and whispers to Cooley, “She’s losing it!”
“I’ll say, what she needs is protein,” agrees Cooley.
“What? What?
What? Is that the point?
What?” asks Henry, confused. “Yeah
I’ve seen what you two eat around here. A
mango here and there, a leaf or two. She’s
half-starved, she;s got no nutrients to her brain.
She needs animal protein, I mean, a fish or something like that,” says
Cooley. "Ah, this is great,
we’re getting nutrition lessons from a hermit who lives off his stash of
Vienna sausages and who thinks that Aqua Velva is an aperitif,” says Henry
sarcastically. "Hey, I was
offering to give you some help now there, big shot.
I was gonna go get some food while you
stayed here and cheered her up.
But I’ll tell you what I think, I think you’ve got the wrong kind of
energy to be around this little girlie right now,” says Cooley protectively.
"Oh, really? Well, who
are you? The survivor island
swami?" asks Henry. "Oh,
you be very careful, wise guy,” threatens Cooley.
“All right, OK, OK, OK, OK. What
do you want me to do?” asks Henry. “I
want you to go out and get her some real food or she’s not gonna make it,”
says Cooley. “Fine. I’ll go
play Davy Crockett and leave you here with Katie.”
Henry begins to walk away, then turns back to Cooley, alone with Katie,
and says, “But Cooley, I’m warning you…”
He gives him a threatening look and leaves the clearing to find some
food. Cooley sits down next to the
quiet, sad Katie and says, “You know something? In all the 27 very odd years I’ve spent on this sand dune,
I thought I’d seen all there was to see.
Till you showed up. You –
you can’t give up, little girlie, OK? You’ve
gotta not give up.”
Cooley puts his
hand over Katie’s to comfort her but she pulls away. “I
hope everything’s OK with Henry. He’s
been for gone such a long time,” worries
Katie.
“Oh he’s fine. He’s
probably out there trying to talk a fish into jumping onto his hook,”
reassures Cooley. "What if
today’s the day Henry’s karma decides to catch up with him?
There aren’t any bears on this island, are there?" asks Katie.
“Well, none with a taste for a guy like him,” answers Cooley.
“You know what’s really sad? Henry
is my only friend in the entire world. He’s
all I have left now. Well, of
course I’ll always remember Simon,” says Katie, gazing fondly at the
coconut. “But that’s all I have
now, just memories. Mr. Cooley,
have you ever been in love?" asks Katie.
"Love? Huh.
Well, there was that
tag team in Bemidji, Minnesota.
Now, boy, those girls were really something.
I mean, they could sure hold their liquor, you know?
And oh for a hot minute there I had a fantasy about that other girl from
the mainland who showed up here. But
love - I don’t know. I don’t
know,” says Cooley. “You know,
I didn’t really even know what life was about until I fell in love,” says
Katie. She yawns and Cooley says,
“Oh, now you’re pretty wiped out there.
Maybe you oughtta lie down, get a little shut-eye before your friend
comes back.” “Yeah, I think
that’s a good idea. I’m kind of
tired,” agrees Katie. She lies
down with the coconut. “Well I
guess maybe I’d better start looking for that bird,” says Cooley.
“You won’t find it. It
was never really a bird, you know. It
was a lesson,” says Katie as she closes her eyes.
Cooley pauses to cover her up with the parachute, and then leaves to hunt
for the bird.
As Katie falls
asleep she begins to dream – of Simon, of course.
The whole scene plays like a soapy melodrama.
She is dressed in an outfit similar to the parachute one she’s been
wearing, only nicer. She hears
Simon calling for her, 
“Kathryn! Kathryn!
Katie!” He suddenly
appears, dressed in aviator gear like the Red Baron.
“Simon? I can’t believe
you’re finally here,” exclaims Katie happily.
“My plane - it went down in the Atlantic.
I had to swim for miles but nothing – nothing could keep me from
getting to you, my love,” says Simon dramatically.
“Wow, you’re not even damp,” says Katie, feeling his sleeve.
“You look incredible. Cotton
twill?” she asks. “Gabardine,
my love, it’s drip 
dry,” answers Simon.
“Like my tears. Do you
know how desperately I’ve been searching for you?
I have been mad with worry. Why
- why would you run off on me like that?” asks the dream Simon.
“I told you in my note. I
wanted to be the one to find the diamond, and I did too! But then I lost it. A
bird swooped down and took it away, along with any other chance that I ever had
of winning your love,” says Katie melodramatically. “Silly goose,” says Simon, borrowing an expression from
Katie. “You don’t have to win
my love. It’s always been
yours,
right there for the taking. I was
just too stubborn to realize it. I
don’t care about any diamond, all I care about is you,” says Simon as he
kisses her. Katie wakes up kissing
the coconut, asking, “Simon?” She
realizes it was just a dream and looks around foolishly.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Coconut. I
never meant to use you. I guess you
are just a reminder that some dreams never come true.”
She gazes off into the distance, completely without hope.
Katie tells Simon
the coconut, “From now on I guess I know I just have to let you be you.”
Henry comes back carrying a fluffy white rabbit.
In a French accent he says, “Bon appetite, mon cherie! 
Now
I do not know any palate tingling recipe for what the French call ‘Lapin,’
but I am sure the chef will have some inspiration, no?" "That’s
what you got for dinner?" asks Katie.
"With my bare hands. He
was so fat and slow I was actually able to corner him, huh?" says Henry
proudly. Katie begins to pet and
talk to the bunny, "Hi, bunny." "Mmmm,
it’s gonna taste good!" says Henry hungrily. "Hi, bun-bun. Hi,
Cottontail. I can’t eat a
bunny!" says Katie. "Oh,
no,” says Henry. "Especially
not a slow, fat bunny!" “This
from the same Katie Peretti who, only a year ago, was ready to serve up her own
mother on toast points if it meant she’d stay alive for one more day?” says
Henry. “Well, this time last year
I wasn’t in love with Simon
Frasier,” declares Katie.
“Fine, here, take it,” says Henry, handing her the bunny. “You can name it and sing nursery rhymes to it. I’ll
go find something else to keep us alive.”
He storms off to find something less cute to eat.
Katie watches him go and sits down with her new friend the bunny.
“That was awfully sweet of Henry, wasn’t it?” she says to the
bunny. “I guess he shouldn’t
bother. Now that I’ve lost Simon,
there’s not really much to be alive for.”
Katie seems to have given up on her dream, something we thought we’d
never see!
Today’s episode was directed by Larry Carpenter and
written by Judy Tate.
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