Thursday, July 25,
2002
Henry has just discovered the "real" Simon in an
Avanya jail cell. Simon tells him he never thought he'd be happy to see
"that simpering smile." Henry tells him he smells awful, and
speaking of stink, his double is homicidal! He could ask Cooley that, if
he dug him up! Simon says he knows he's bad news, he was just here and he
took Joe, who was very sick. Henry asks if he knows where Joe is, but
Simon doesn't. Henry assures him they'll find Joe, but first they have to
get Simon out of jail. Simon asks about Katie, and Henry says she's
"furious but fine." Simon asks if Donovan has hurt her or
touched her, "You know what I mean!" "I can't believe
this!" says Henry. "You're stuck in this Avanya hell hole and
your evil doppelganger is wreaking havoc on us, and you're worried about whether
Betty's been kissing Reggie? Let me tell you something,
Archie..." "Listen up, Jughead," interrupts Simon,
"You tell me right now, has that counterfeit reject been doing anything
improper with my wife?"
Henry assures Simon that that is not the case. "What
are you crazy? She saw right through him. For some unfathomable
reason she's crazy about you. I don't understand why. She adores
you, she's memorized every part of you." Henry sounds a little
jealous. He tells Simon, "We're done with this installment of 'Avanya
Confidential'," and they need to work on breaking him out. Henry
suggests breaking through the bars on the window, but Simon says he's already
tried that. Henry says he's out of ideas, good luck, and starts to walk
out. Simon tells him if he leaves he better run for his life,
"because I will hunt you down!" "Only joking, you
moron," says Henry. He comes back and asks Simon if he has any
ideas. Simon asks Henry if he's found Paul, and he says yes. Simon
says to tell Rose that Joe is all right, and find some explosives to blow up the
jail. "Me savvy G.I., bring TNT, make jail go boom," says Henry
in some weird accent. Simon looks at him like he's crazy, but yet grateful
he's there. He tells Henry he's counting on him, "and that scares the
hell out of me." Then he tells him to get out of there!
Meanwhile, Donovan has told Lucinda, Katie, Paul and Rose that
they have 24 hours to deliver the provenance AND the diamond to him, or Joe will
die a slow and painful death. He leaves them and they are hanging out in
the hotel lounge, trying to figure out what to do. Henry walks in saying,
"What does a guy have to do to get a martini around here?" They
all pounce on him asking questions about Donovan, Simon, and Joe. Henry
assures them that he followed Donovan to a jail, where he found Simon.
Katie begs him to take her to her husband. Henry tells her the last thing
Simon needs is "his hysterical little wife" running through the
jail. Katie asks if he sent her a message. Henry said he sent two,
one to Paul and one to Rose. He turns to Paul and says, "Paul, Simon
says, and I'm paraphrasing, 'get some dynamite, blow up the jail.' He
wants out."
Henry goes behind the bar and starts to make himself a
martini. "I don't know where in this god-forsaken Banana Republic
we're supposed to find explosives," he says. Paul says there should
be some gasoline at the motor shop nearby. "You can make
explosives?" asks Henry. "Young Mr. Stenbeck, I don't want to
know!" Paul tells the women to search the hotel for the diamond and
anything to make explosives. Lucinda suggests ammonia from the cleaning
room and fertilizer from the garden shed. They all leave and Katie asks
Henry about Simon. He assures her that he's fine. He's healthy and
strong, and the first thing he did was ask about her. Katie thanks him,
and he leaves to help search for the diamond.
Today’s episode was directed by Christopher Goutman and
written by Judy Tate.
Transcripts from ATWTweekly
[ Avanya - A Jail Cell ]
>> Simon: I never actually thought I'd be happy to see that -- that
simpering smile.
>> Henry: Oh, yeah. 
You
smell awful. [ Henry laughs] You know, speaking of stink, your -- your double,
Donovan Curry, he has a little penchant for homicide. I don't know if you knew
that. You can ask our old friend Cooley if you have the stomach to dig him up.
>> Simon: Look I know he's bad news.
>> Henry: Mm-hmm.
>> Simon: He was just in here. He took Joe with him.
>> Henry: Any idea where they went?
>> Simon: No, I don't. All I know is that Joe is sick, Henry. You've got
to find him, get him to a hospital.
>> Henry: Yeah, we'll find him, we'll find him. But now that I've found
you, um, how the heck do I get you out of here?
>> Simon: How's Katie?
>> Henry: Uh, she's furious, but she's fine.
>> Simon: That man, has he -- has he abused her at all?
>> Henry: Hmm?
>> Simon: Has he hurt her, Henry? Has he touched her?
>> Henry: What? Oh, you mean has he -- has he touched her?
>> Simon: You know what I mean, Henry.
>> Henry: Oh, dios mio. Man, I can't believe this. You're stuck in this
Avanya hellhole, and your evil doppelganger is wreaking havoc on us, and you're
worried about whether Betty's been kissing Reggie? Let me tell you something
you, Archie --
>> Simon: Listen up, Jughead! You tell me right now. Has that counterfeit
reject been doing anything improper with my wife?
[ Avanya - A Jail Cell ]
>> Simon: All right, so you're telling me she doesn't --
>> Henry: Yes, I'm telling you. What are you? What are you, crazy? 
Of
course. She saw right through him! For some unfathomable reason, she's crazy
about you, all right? I don't understand why. She adores you. She's memorized
every part of you. So if she can't see through some impostor, who could?
>> Simon: All right.
>> Henry: All right. That's what makes her so irresistible. Now, if we are
done with this installment of "Avanya Confidential," let's get back
into getting you out of here, okay? All right. How about the window? Can you --
I don't know. Can you pull the bars out of the wall?
>> Simon: I've already tried that. The jailers cemented it stronger than
ever, so now it's a no go.
>> Henry: Well, uh, I'm out of brilliant ideas, so good luck. Let me know
how it works out.
>> Simon: Henry, if you walk out of this jail, you'd better run for your
life, because I will hunt you down!
>> Henry: I'm only joking, you moron. I gotta tell you though, I am --
well, I'm in the dark here. I got nothin', so if you have any contributions --
>> Simon: What about Paul? Have you -- have you found Paul?
>> Henry: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He caught up with us yesterday.
He's a little beaten and battered. I -- I think the Avanya welcoming committee
found him.
[ Sighs ]
>> Simon: All right, look, uh -- go back to the El Capitan. 
Tell
Rose that Joe is no longer here, but do not tell her how sick he is.
>> Henry: Yeah. That's not gonna work. Have you ever been the bearer of
bad news to that woman?
>> Simon: After that, um, you're gonna have to get me some explosives.
>> Henry: I'm gonna what?
>> Simon: Yeah, you heard me.
>> Henry: Okay. Yeah, that's fine. I saw some dynamite laying around at
the fiesta lounge. No problem, Simon.
>> Simon: Black market, Henry. Use your brain. They'll sell anything
there. They'll sell their own mothers. Find some kids with some cherry bombs,
whatever. Just bring back something that goes "bang." All right, you
got it?
>> Henry: Okay, yeah, me savvy GI. Boom. TNT make jail go boom. Okay.
[ Simon laughs ]
>> Simon: I'm counting on you, Henry. And I tell you what, it scares the
hell out of me. Get out of here! Go!
>> Henry: All right.
[ Avanya - El Capitan Hotel Lounge ]
>> Henry: What's a guy got to do to get a martini around here?
>> Rose: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey! Did you find him?! Did you follow him
out of here?! Where did he go?! Where did -- the guy, the guy, the other Simon?!
>> Katie: Did he -- did he lead you to my Simon?
>> Lucinda: What about Joe?
>> Paul: Yeah, what about -
>> Henry: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. 
One
at a time here! Yes, yes, I followed the impostor all the way from El Diabolito
to what can best be described as a jail, and that's where I found Simon. The
real Simon.
>> Katie: Is he okay? Tell me. You've got to lead me to him. You've got to
take me to him. He needs me.
>> Henry: No, no. I'll tell you what Simon needs, and it's not his
hysterical little wife running wild in that jail, all right?
>> Katie: Did he leave a message for me?
>> Henry: Oh, yeah, two messages -- one for Rose, and one for Paul. Paul?
Listen, Simon says, and I'm paraphrasing here, "get some dynamite, blow up
the jail." He wants out.
[ Avanya - El Capitan Hotel Lounge ]
>> Henry: Now, I don't know where in this god-forsaken banana republic
we're supposed to find explosives, but --
>> Paul: All right. There's -- there's a motor p here. 
There's
got to be some gasoline somewhere on the premises.
>> Henry: You can make explosives? Oh, young Mr. Stenbeck, I do not want
to know.
>> Paul: All right, Rose, Lucinda, start a search of this place. I want
every room checked, every inch of this place checked. I'll talk to Desi, see if
he can put his hands on some materials that can get Simon out of jail, all
right?
>> Lucinda: You go to housekeeping, look for ammonia. I'll go to the
garden shed, look for fertilizer.
>> Paul: Okay.
>> Lucinda: Are you ready?
>> Rose: All ready um, are you okay?
>> Katie: Yeah. We're both gonna be okay.
>> Rose: Come on, come on. Go.
>> Paul: All right, be careful.
>> Katie: Henry, what was Simon's message for me? 
>> Henry: He's fine.
>> Katie: The truth?
>> Henry: That is the truth.
>> Katie: You swear on your life?!
>> Henry: Yeah. He's healthy and strong, and the first thing he asked
about was you.
>> Katie: Really?
>> Henry: Mm-hmm. I have the bruises to prove it.
>> Katie: Thank you, Henry.
>> Henry: Yeah, I'd better help them find that diamond.
>> Paul: Hey, Katie, we're gonna get Simon out of that prison, all right?
Simon, Joe, diamond, home, okay? It's all gonna happen, all right?
>> Katie: Simon, Joe, diamond home.
>> Paul: Got it.
>> Katie: Thank you. Simon, Joe, diamond, home. Simon, Joe, diamond, home.
Simon.
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