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Wednesday, July 30, 2003

The show opens with Henry sitting at a table in the Lakeview Lounge drinking a bloody mary for breakfast, instead of his usual martini.  An excited Katie sits down at the table and asks Henry if he's ready for some great news.  "Ah, the government has lowered the penalty for mail fraud?" Henry guesses.  Katie tells him that she got the time off she requested.  "Oh, well, that is cause for a celebration. Uh - tap water all around!" says Henry sarcastically.  Katie explains that since she already took time off to go to Montana, if she didn't get the time off it would've ruined her plans.  Henry clarifies that she's referring to her plans to go to Australia to find Simon.  "Yes.  And now that I know I'll have a job when I get back, Mike and I can leave anytime," says Katie.  "That's - that's great.  That's - that's wonderful," says Henry unenthusiastically.  Katie asks him what's the matter.  "Look, I - I know why you're going out to find Simon.  You love him, okay?  That makes sense.  But what does Kasnoff have to do with this, huh?  Why does a man go chasing halfway around the world to help a woman find her husband?" asks Henry.  "That's easy, Henry.  It's because he - no, it's because ... " Katie can't finish the sentence, and Henry nods knowingly.

"You know, Henry, sometimes I wonder why I stay friends with you," says Katie.  "Oh, only sometimes?  Well, now, I consider that a major victory," says Henry.  Katie tells Henry not to be so cynical, Mike is just helping her because he's her friend.  "Fine.  Katie I'm not saying that he's a bad guy.  I'm just saying, what's gonna happen when you do find Simon?" asks Henry.  "You mean after I break his neck for running out on me?" replies Katie.  "Right, well, that goes without saying," smiles Henry.  "Well - I'll put my arms around him and never let him out of my sight again," says Katie dreamily.  "Right.  So then Mike turns around, and he goes back home with nothing to show for his trip," says Henry.  Katie says he'll know she's happy.  "Well, that's sweet.  That'll work on mother Teresa, but not for any man worth his boxers," says Henry.  "You think that Mike's thinking of me in a more-than-friendly way, don't you?" asks Katie.  "Well, I mean, you know, you're not bad looking, for a woman that's perfect in every way," says Henry.  Katie insists that Mike has no desire to be in love right now because his break-up with Molly was tough on him.  Henry asks her if she's sure, and she says she is.  "Then, I may be wrong on this, but Mike might not be the friend that you think he is," says Henry cryptically.

The waiter brings Henry his second bloody mary.  "There are two reasons why a man would traipse all the way to Australia to help a woman find her husband, okay?  One would be because he is in love, which you insist is not the case," theorizes Henry, gesturing with a celery stalk from the bloody mary.  "Now, the other is for money, which is a lot more reliable," says Henry, holding up the second celery stalk.  He takes a bite out one.  Katie tells Henry he's not making sense, how could Mike make money out of this?  "Because Simon is still a fugitive, all right?  Now, Mike might get some money from the government for turning him in," explains Henry.  "Oh, come on.  Mike is a stand up guy.  He would never double-cross me like that just for a few bucks," says Katie confidently.  "You're right, Katie.  He owns two pairs of jeans.  What more could a person want?" says Henry.  Katie insists that she's right.  "All right, fine, fine, fine.  Maybe it's not about the money.  All right?  Maybe not.  But you have no guarantees that Mike is not gonna blow the whistle on Simon," warns Henry.  "I don't need one.  That's the farthest thing from his mind.  I can guarantee it," insists Katie.  Henry asks if she's discussed it with him, and she says no, why would she?  "To protect the man that you supposedly love.  Because if Mike turns out not to be the hero that we think he is, then you may never spend time with Simon again," says Henry.  Katie looks worried.

"You need to get out more, Henry.  What passes for your mind is starting to play tricks on you," says Katie defensively.  "Zero to ten, Katie.  What are the chances that Mike is doing this for a payday?" challenges Henry.  "Zero.  He would sooner run off and be in the circus," answers Katie.  "Well, then break out the clown make-up, sweetheart, because I have a feeling - wait a second, wait a second, wait a second.  There could be another - there could be another possibility here," says Henry.  "Thank you, Henry.  I was starting to give up on you," says Katie, relieved.  "Now, Mike knows that Simon broke your heart.  So maybe he wants to get Simon put away so that he'll never hurt you again," suggests Henry.  "I just gave up on you," says Katie as she starts to get up from the table.  Henry stops her and says, "No, Katie, listen!  Look, honey, I just don't want to go into this with your eyes closed," says Henry.  "I'm not.  My eyes are wide open.  That's the only way I'm gonna find Simon," Katie assures him.  "But you're not thinking this through.  Unless you're absolutely sure about what Mike will do when you find Simon, you are running the risk that Simon will spend the rest of his life behind bars.  Is that a risk you want to take, sweetheart?  I really don't think it is," says Henry gently.  The look on her face says he's right.  Just then Mike arrives, after having a similar conversation with Lily and assuring her he only wants to help Katie the way she helped him when he found out he wasn't Sage's father.  "Thought I'd find you here," says Mike.  "Hey!  Actually I was just leaving," says Henry, getting up from the table.  "I'm late for a appointment with my astrologer."  He bends down to whisper in Katie's ear, "Don't take any chances, okay?  You'll never forgive yourself if Simon spends the rest of his life in prison, okay?"  Standing up he says to Mike, "Ah, let's see here, Mr. Kasnoff.  I am thinking that you are a Leo with a Capricorn rising.  Yes, I have a sixth sense about this sort of thing."  He leaves the lounge and Mike sits down.  Katie breaks the news to him that she doesn't want him to come with her to Australia.

Today’s episode was directed by John O'Connell  and written by Craig Heller.

 

Transcripts from TVMegaSite

Katie: Are you ready for some great news?

Henry: Ah, the government has lowered the penalty for mail fraud?

Katie: No.

Henry: No.

Katie: My supervisor gave me the time off I requested.

Henry: Oh, well, that is cause for a celebration. Uh -- tap water all around!

Katie: No, you don't understand, Henry. I already took time off to go to Montana. So she could've said no and ruined all my plans.

Henry: Plans? Your plans to go to Australia to find Simon.

Katie: Yes. And now that I know I'll have a job when I get back, Mike and I can leave anytime.

Henry: That's -- that's great. That's -- that's wonderful.

Katie: What's the matter?

Henry: Look, I -- I know why you're going out to find Simon. You love him, okay? That makes sense. But what does Kasnoff have to do with this, huh? Why does a man go chasing halfway around the world to help a woman find her husband?

Katie: That's easy, Henry. It's because he -- no, it's because --

Henry: Yeah.

 

Katie: You know, Henry, sometimes I wonder why I stay friends with you.

Henry: Oh, only sometimes? Well, now, I consider that a major victory.

Katie: Why do you have to be so cynical all the time? Mike is not getting anything out of helping me. He's just helping me. He's a friend.

Henry: Fine. Katie I'm not saying that he's a bad guy. I'm just saying, what's gonna happen when you do find Simon?

Katie: You mean after I break his neck for running out on me?

Henry: Right, well, that goes without saying.

Katie: Well -- I'll put my arms around him and never let him out of my sight again.

Henry: Right. So then Mike turns around, and he goes back home with nothing to show for his trip.

Katie: He'll know that I'm happy.

Henry: Well, that's sweet. That'll work on mother Teresa, but not for any man worth his boxers.

Katie: You think that Mike's thinking of me in a more-than-friendly way, don't you?

Henry: Well, I mean, you know, you're not bad looking, for a woman that's perfect in every way.

Katie: That's not it. That's not it, Henry! Mike is -- has no desire to be in love right now.

[ Henry scoffs ]

Henry: Since when?

Katie: Since he broke up with Molly. That relationship was really tough on him. He's not about to just fall into another one, okay?

Henry: Wait a second, are you sure about that?

Katie: Yes, I'm sure.

Henry: Then, I may be wrong on this, but Mike might not be the friend that you think he is.

 

Henry: There are two reasons why a man would traipse all the way to Australia to help a woman find her husband, okay? One would be because he is in love, which you insist is not the case. Now, the other is for money, which is a lot more reliable.

Katie: You're not making any sense, Henry. How would Mike make money out of going to Australia?

Henry: Because Simon is still a fugitive, all right? Now, Mike might get some money from the government for turning him in.

Katie: Oh, come on. Mike is a stand up guy. He would never double-cross me like that just for a few bucks.

Henry: You're right, Katie. He owns two pairs of jeans. What more could a person want?

Katie: Henry, I'm being serious. You're way off-base here.

Henry: All right, fine, fine, fine. Maybe it's not about the money. All right? Maybe not. But you have no guarantees that Mike is not gonna blow the whistle on Simon.

Katie: I don't need one. That's the farthest thing from his mind. I can guarantee it.

Henry: Have you discussed it with him?

Katie: No, why would I?

Henry: To protect the man that you supposedly love. Because if Mike turns out not to be the hero that we think he is, then you may never spend time with Simon again.

 

Katie: You need to get out more, Henry. What passes for your mind is starting to play tricks on you.

Henry: Zero to ten, Katie. What are the chances that Mike is doing this for a payday?

Katie: Zero. He would sooner run off and be in the circus.

Henry: Well, then break out the clown make-up, sweetheart, because I have a feeling -- wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. There could be another -- there could be another possibility here.

Katie: Thank you, Henry. I was starting to give up on you.

Henry: Now, Mike knows that Simon broke your heart. So maybe he wants to get Simon put away so that he'll never hurt you again.

Katie: I just gave up on you.

Henry: No, Katie, listen! Look, honey, I just don't want to go into this with your eyes closed.

Katie: I'm not. My eyes are wide open. That's the only way I'm gonna find Simon.

Henry: But you're not thinking this through. Unless you're absolutely sure about what Mike will do when you find Simon, you are running the risk that Simon will spend the rest of his life behind bars. Is that a risk you want to take, sweetheart? I really don't think it is.

Mike: Thought I'd find you here.

Henry: Hey! Actually I was just leaving. I'm late for a appointment with my astrologer. Don't take any chances, okay? You'll never forgive yourself if Simon spends the rest of his life in prison, okay? Ah, let's see here, Mr. Kasnoff. I am thinking that you are a Leo with a Capricorn rising. Yes, I have a sixth sense about this sort of thing.

Mike: Let me guess -- Henry said something to upset you.

Katie: Pretty good.

Mike: Anything I can do to help?

Katie: I'm sorry, Mike, but I don't think so.

 

Katie: Oh, um -- Henry is just starting another scam of his, and, um -- he's bound to get in trouble. I'm just so sick of it -- I'm sure that's what you picked up on.

Mike: Whatever. That's his problem. You're not gonna be in town much longer, anyway.

Katie: I'm not?

Mike: Nope. Our trip to Australia is all set. I have our itinerary right here. You wanna take a look at it?

Katie: No, um -- I don't think that'll be necessary, Mike. Actually, I was thinking of changing some things.

Mike: Okay. Like what?

Katie: Leaving you home.

 

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