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Thursday, August 9, 2007 Henry and Vienna are broke, and Vienna is convinced they can live on love. Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar and written by Peter Brash.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Vienna: Which one? Henry: Her stocks in Sweden? Her Swiss accounts? The pied-a-terre in Paris? I see -- thank you. For nothing. Honey, Honey, I thought we were going to put a break on the high-end high heels. Vienna: Shopping makes me happy, Henry. Henry: That's what I used to say about eating -- when we could afford it. Vienna: So what did my financial advisor say? Will Franco wire us the money we need to rebuild our spa? Henry: I think -- I think we should sit down for this. Vienna: What's wrong, Darling? Is it bad news? Henry: That's an understatement. I hate to be the one to tell you this, 'cause you know I never want to hurt you. Vienna: Well, spit it up. Henry: Out. Vienna: You want me to go? Are you leaving me, Henry? No! Henry: No, no, no! I'm not going anywhere without you, Darling. Except maybe debtor's prison. Vienna: Prison? Why? We didn't do anything wrong! Henry: Yeah. Remember how much fun it was being filthy rich? Well, the party's over, Sweetheart. You are broke.
Vienna: So, which one? This one or the strapless one? Henry: How do you say bankrupt in Swedish? Vienna: I can't be bankrupt. Henry: With a capital "B." It seems that Franco, your esteemed financial guru, made a number of questionable investments on your behalf. Yes, Franco, he broke the bank-o in Paris, Milan, Geneva. He nearly ruined your entire life's savings. Vienna: Don't be ridiculous. I have far too much money for any accountant to keep track of. I myself haven't even added it all up! Henry: Yeah, that might be part of the problem, Sweetheart. Nevertheless, your bottom line has fallen through the bottom. The final straw was that little fortune that we lost on the spa when it got blown to bits before got the insurance. Vienna: Don't worry, I still have my jewels. Henry: Not the ones that aren't spoken for. No, Franco, he had the rest of them hocked. Your baubles aren't worth bupkis -- I'm sorry. Vienna: You're serious? Henry: All we can do now is count the pennies -- Vienna: But that's not many pennies! Henry: No, it's not many nickels and dimes either. When you convert it to euros, it's practically an IOU! I am sorry, liebchen. I was starting to get used to the life of gold bullion and caviar. And we just can't afford to live that kind of lifestyle anymore. Oh my God, I can't believe I'm actually going to say this, but if you need to find some balding hedge-fund zillionaire. Then, please, feel free to go and gold dig. I can't hold you back. You deserve the best. Vienna: No, no, no. I have everything I want right here. And I don't intend to lose it. Henry: What did I do to deserve you? Vienna: We'll manage, Henry. You'll start driving the limo again and I'll be working too -- I'll turn my magic-massage fingers into a money making machine! As long as we have each other, we'll be fine. Henry: You really mean that? Vienna: Yes! As long as I have you, everything feels good. Henry: I love you -- even poor -- I really love you.
[Cell phone ringing] Maddie: Ooh -- hang on. Sorry guys. Henry? Vienna: Hello. It's Vienna. I'm very worried about your brother. Maddie: What's wrong? Vienna: Well, we've had a financial setback. And men can be very insecure about money. But I'm sure if he could just see his darling little sister, he'll be right back up on top. Maddie: You want me to come over? Vienna: Yes, as soon as you can. Thank you, Madeline! Maddie: Well -- sorry, Guys. But family crisis. Sorry. But you guys are on your own tonight. Have a fun swim.
Vienna: Henry, we have to eat, don't we? Well, I have a surprise for you. Come down and see. Okay, bye. Maddie: Hey, I came as quickly as I could. Are you and Henry really having money problems? Vienna: It's too dreary to get into details. But uh -- bad investments, shifty accountant. Money, poof, gone! Maddie: All of it? Vienna: Most of it. But it's okey-pokey. Henry and I, we're economizing. Bartender: Your champagne, Ms. Hyatt. Vienna: Lovely! Maddie: This is economizing? Bartender: Would you care to wait for your other guest? Vienna: No, you can go ahead and open it now. Bartender: Very good. Henry: No. No, no, no. Don't -- open that.
Vienna: Smile, Henry. I invited Madeline for a family meal, just to cheer you up. Henry: Did you have to spring for something so pricey? Vienna: Well I didn't order the vintage royal reserve. Tonight we drink like peasants! Henry: The teeming, huddled masses should be so lucky. Maddie: Okay, if you guys are having money problems, I can just give up my room here. I know it's really expensive. I can crash on a friend's couch. It's not that big of a deal -- Vienna: Don't be silly. We're not going to put you out on the street. Henry: No, we're not going to do that. And besides, you're going off to Wesleyan here very soon. And thank God, your room and board is paid for by the scholarships. You know, she and I might actually have to pitch a tent in your dorm room closet! Maddie: Okay, that's fine. I don't have that many clothes. Henry: Clothes. How much would your couture collection get on e-bay do you think? Vienna: Henry, you can't sell my Valentino's off my back! Maddie: Okay, am I -- am I -- hey. Am I here to referee? Because I can go upstairs, I can get my bathing suit, and I can go meet Luke and Noah and go swimming. 'Cause that's what I'd rather do. Henry: That's great, that's great. Desert me in my hour of need. Maddie: If you really need me to stay, I will stay here for you. But I really think you and Vienna need to hash this out on your own. Besides, you won't have to pay for an extra meal. Henry: Ah! Maddie: Ah! Henry: Have fun, Sweetie. Maddie: Sure, bye! Vienna: Bye, Angel. You know, it wouldn't break the bank in Monte Carlo to buy a meal for your little baby sister. Henry: Well, it would at Lakeview prices. Look at what Lisa charges for lobster. Vienna: Seems reasonable. Henry: Per pound? Vienna: You're right. This is freeway robbery!
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