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Monday, September 9, 2002

Today was one of the best Henry days in a long time.  It's great to have our loveably devious Henry back in top form!

The day opened with Henry in Katie's hospital room again begging her for money to go find the diamond, saying that he hates Oakdale.  Margo comes into the room with Tom and says, "Too bad, Henry, because you're under arrest."  Henry protests that he's innocent of everything.  Margo reminds him that he was charged with breaking and entering at Lucinda's office and he jumped bail.  "That was weeks ago, I don't even remember what I was trying to steal," argues Henry.  Margo says they'll refresh his memory, and asks Tom to call the station for back up.  Tom refuses to do anything until Margo gets back in bed.  "Yes, did you get my flowers?" asks Henry.  "I heard about the operation, I was very concerned about you."  Margo tells him to put his hands against the wall and asks Katie to call the station.  She says she agrees with Tom, Margo should wait until she feels stronger.  "You know, I think the little sprite is right," says Henry.  "You just had surgery.  I know what that's like, believe me!  Hey, it's Robert Goulet!"  He points behind Margo and when she turns to look, he runs out of the room.  Unfortunately for him he runs right into Simon.  "Henry!"  "Leave me alone!" says Henry.  "Just the man I wanted to see," says Simon pleasantly.  He starts to lead Henry away.  "Where are you taking me?" he protests.  "You're coming with me," states Simon.

Simon drags Henry to Lucinda's office and tells him to wait, Lucinda will be here soon.  "You have no right to hold me against my will," says Henry.  "What are you going to do about it?" asks Simon.  Henry takes off his jacket and stands up, motioning that he wants to fight, "Let's go, it's on!"  "I didn't think you had it in you," says Simon, amused.  "Oh yeah?  I saved your butt in Avanya, I'm gonna kick your butt right here in Oakdale.  C'mon, let's go!" threatens Henry.  Just then he hears Lucinda approaching and runs to hide behind Simon.  "You're afraid of her?" asks Simon.  "With you I just get a broken jaw, but with her the pain is endless!" answers Henry.  Lucinda walks in and Simon pushes Henry forward, saying, "Surprise!"  "Lucinda, hey!" says Henry cheerily.  "Good to see you, but don't speak again until spoken to," responds Lucinda.  Henry says that he'd love to stay, but he's late for a function.  "Do as you're told, Henry, it's good for you," orders Lucinda.  "I was going to tutor underprivileged children, but I guess that can wait," answers Henry.  Lucinda commends Simon for finding Henry so fast and agrees to pay him now.  She opens a safe behind her desk (while Henry closely watches) and takes out several bundles of cash.  She tells Simon how much she appreciates him, and he responds that he appreciates her too.  "Do you two want to be alone?  I can wait outside," offers Henry.  Lucinda walks Simon to the elevator and tells Henry to behave himself while she's gone.  Henry looks at the safe and says, "That would be too easy."  He hesitates a moment, then goes over to the safe.

Henry opens the safe, having observed Lucinda and remembered the combination.  "Wait, this could be a trap, but a lucrative one.  Who needs a diamond when you have cash?  Don't be greedy, Henry, put this one back," he says as he takes out a few bundles of cash, then puts the last one back.  He's heading out the door when he runs into Lucinda.  "I was just coming to find you," he tells her.  Lucinda doesn't believe him, he was skipping out on her.  She tells him she's going to teach him to be an honest worker.  Henry tells her he doesn't think it's going to work out.  "I have made plans to go on a raft trip down the Colorado, and it's tomorrow.  If I'm not there they take off without me, they go rapiding without me!" says Henry.  Lucinda tells him that's the worst excuse anyone has ever had to listen to.  Henry starts to leave, telling her to look for him in the white water.  He opens the door to find a police officer named Sean, and Lucinda tells him to fork it over.  Henry begins to explain how they got off on the wrong foot, but Lucinda tells him to zip it.  "Fine," says Henry.  "Is he going to hover like that?"  "Presumably, indefinitely," answers Lucinda.  She tells him that they had a bargain.  She was going to teach him about business in exchange for all the zeros he wanted.  Henry asks to see the paperwork for this deal, and Lucinda says it's not in writing, and don't interrupt!  She tells him to live up to their original agreement or Sean will take him down to the police station for breaking bail.

Henry asks if they can take a pause and maybe wait six months.  Lucinda tells him he must decide now.  Henry agrees to "join the establishment" and hands her back the money.  He tries to keep one but Lucinda catches him.  "You can't blame a guy for trying," says Henry.  He sits down, puts his feet up on Lucinda's desk, and asks to talk about benefits, dental is particularly important to him.  He agrees to work maybe 17 or 18 hours a week.  Lucinda goes on about how it's her task to teach him an appreciation for hard work.  Exasperated, she suddenly gets an idea and says, "We're out of here."  "I haven't had my coffee break yet," protests Henry.  Lucinda tells him that the first rule in corporate etiquette is "When the superior says go, you just go.  Do you want to know the second?"  "I'm dying to know, I'd love to know, what is it? says Henry sarcastically.  "It is get those feet off the boss' desk, especially if the boss is in the room," says Lucinda as she pushes his feet off her desk.  Henry complains that she cut his leg with her fingernail, and she orders him to open the door.  "Is it always going to be like this?" asks Henry.  "This is the honeymoon!" answers Lucinda.

Across town in a quaint but rundown little cottage in the woods, Simon is making a list of all the improvements that need to be made to his and Katie's new home.  There's a knock on the door and Simon calls out that the door is open.  Lucinda and Henry come in.  "This young man is lazy and undependable, but he's all yours to do with as  you so designate," says Lucinda.  "What makes you think I want him?" asks Simon.  Because he needs to spruce the place up for Katie, explains Lucinda, and Henry can help.  "I'm not good with power tools," protests Henry.  Lucinda explains that she will pay Henry, all Simon needs to do is teach him hard work and respect for authority.  "I'd do a lot for you, but I can't take on the impossible," says Simon.  Lucinda says that the place really needs some work, and Henry is able-bodied and committed.  Simon agrees, but "No backtalk and no bellyaching!"  "Don't let him get away with anything, not bloody anything," says Lucinda as she leaves the two men alone together to work on the house.  Henry tries to make some kind of agreement with Simon, but he just hands him a hammer and tells him to go up on the roof and remove the shingles.  "What if I get a splinter?" asks Henry.  "You can yank them out yourself, or I can remove them with an EPP," answers Simon.  "An EPP?" asks Henry, frightened.  "An enormous pair of pliers," explains Simon as he hands Henry the EPP.  "Construction humor, I love that.  You have such big tools," says Henry.  He just looks at Simon, and Simon looks back at him.  [This is a case where a picture speaks a thousand words!]  Henry walks out the door to start working on the roof, and Simon looks as if he wonders what he got himself into.  

Today’s episode was directed by Scott McKinsey and written by Craig Heller.

Transcripts from ATWTweekly

[ Memorial Hospital - Margo & Katie's Room ]
>> Henry: Katie, I will pay you back -- with interest. Please! I can't stay here in Oakdale knowing the diamond's out there waiting for me. I hate Oakdale.
>> Margo: [ walking in the room ] Well, too bad, Henry, because you're under arrest.
>> Henry: I'm innocent of everything.
>> Margo: No, you were charged with breaking into Lucinda Walsh's office, and you skipped bail. So I'm taking you in.
>> Henry: Well, no -- that was weeks ago. I don't even remember what I was trying to steal.
>> Margo: All right, well, we'll refresh your memory. Tom, you wanna just call the station and get backup? 'Cause I have a feeling that Henry here is not gonna cooperate.
>> Tom: Yeah, well, I'm not, either. I'm not doing anything until you get back in bed.
>> Margo: Please, just --
>> Henry: Yes, did you get my flowers? 'Cause I heard about this operation. I was very concerned about you.
>> Margo: Both of you please -- just turn around and put your hands up against the wall.
>> Henry: Okay, okay. All right.
>> Margo: Katie, get on the phone. Honey, please -- get on the phone.
>> Katie: Uh -- I don't know if that's such a good idea. I mean, maybe Tom's right. You should wait till you're a little stronger to do something like this.
>> Henry: Yes, I think -- you know, the little sprite is right there? You've just had surgery. I know what that's like, believe me, and -- hey, that's Robert Goulet! [ Henry runs out of the room ]
>> Margo: Henry -- Tom! Would you call security, please?
>> Tom: No. I want you to get back in bed, Margo, now.

[ Hallway Outside ]
>> Simon: Henry!
>> Henry: Will you leave me alone?!
>> Simon: Just the man I want to see.
>> Henry: Where are you taking me?
>> Simon: You're coming with me. You'll see.
>> Henry: Oh, come on!

[ Worldwide Offices ]
>> Simon: That's it. Sweat over here, Henry. She'll be here soon.
>> Henry: You have no right to hold me against my will.
>> Simon: Yeah? What are you gonna do about it, huh?
>> Henry: That's it, that's it. I've had it. What am I gonna do about it? Come on. Let's go, me and you. It's on. Come on.
>> Simon: Well, Henry, I didn't think you had it in you.
>> Henry: No? I saved your butt in Avanya. I'm gonna kick your butt right here in Oakdale. Come on, let's go.
>> Lucinda: We'll work on the Brussels project, Dan.
>> Henry: That her, that's her, that's her. Come on.
>> Lucinda: I mean, if they're gonna play hardball, we play with them.
>> Henry: Just hide me.
>> Simon: What, you're afraid of her?
>> Henry: Yeah, I'm afraid of her. With you, I get a broken jaw. With her, the pain is endless.
>> Lucinda: Hello, Henry.
>> Simon: Lucinda? Surprise.
>> Henry: Lucinda, hey.
>> Lucinda: Good to see you, Henry.
>> Henry: Yeah.
>> Lucinda: Um, but don't speak again until spoken to, please.
>> Henry: I'd love to stick around, but I have -- oh, I'm already late for this function, and so, if we could just table this for another day --
>> Lucinda: Do as you're told, Henry. It's good for you.
>> Henry: Fine. I was going to tutor some underprivileged children, but that can wait, I suppose. Why not?
>> Lucinda: Well, darling, I guess that was easy. You did it very fast. Good job.
>> Simon: And now to the matter of my compensation plus bonus.
>> Lucinda: Absolutely. Oh, god. Ah! Okay. Cash.
>> Simon: Cash?
>> Lucinda: Cash.
>> Simon: Cash I like.
>> Lucinda: Always cash, cash, cash, and you deserve every single dollar.
>> Simon: All right.
[ Lucinda laughs ]
>> Lucinda: You know, darling, it's funny. We started rockily, didn't we? But somehow, we've developed into a splendid team. You're a man I can depend upon, and I -- it's hard to say it. I even have admiration for you, and affection.
>> Henry: And I admire you, too, Lucinda, which is why I'd work for you anytime.
>> Lucinda: Hey.
>> Henry: Do you two want to be alone? I can wait outside. I'd be happy to do that.
>> Lucinda: I think I'll just walk you to the elevator.
>> Henry: All right.
>> Lucinda: All right. Henry, possess your soul in patience, please, and behave yourself.
[ Door closes ]
>> Henry: No, that'd be too easy.

[ Worldwide Offices ]
>> Henry: Oh, wait, idiot, this could be a trap. It'd be such a lucrative one, though. Okay. Ahh! Okay. Yeah. Who needs diamonds when you've got cash? Yeah. All right, don't get greedy, Henry. Put this one back. Throw you back to where I found ya. Okay. Lucinda! Hey. I was just comin' to find you.
>> Lucinda: Yes, Henry?
>> Henry: Yeah.
>> Lucinda: You were?
>> Henry: Mm-hmm.
>> Lucinda: No, you weren't, Henry.
>> Henry: What?
>> Lucinda: No. You were skedaddling -- takin' a powder on me.
>> Henry: Now, wait, to be honest here --
>> Lucinda: "Honest"?! You don't know what the word "honest" is. You don't know what it is. You don't know anything about it.
>> Henry: Easy, easy, easy.
>> Lucinda: And we're gonna work on that together, you and I. We're gonna talk about your future very calmly.
>> Henry: Uh, look -- okay, let's just -- yeah, let's talk calmly. I know that you think that I have something to offer this company. But -- to be honest, I just don't think it's gonna work out.
>> Lucinda: Honestly? Why -- why is that?
>> Henry: Because I have -- made plans to go on this rafting trip down to Colorado. And it's tomorrow. And if I don't get there, then, whoosh! They just take off without me. They're rapiding without me, you know?
>> Lucinda: Henry, that is the worst excuse that anybody has ever had to listen to --
>> Henry: Be that as it may, I am leaving, okay? So if you don't hear from me, tell 'em to look for me in the white water. Okay?
>> Lucinda: Um, Henry, this is Sean. Sean, this is Henry Coleman, the young man that I mentioned to you.
>> Henry: Oh, you're good.
>> Lucinda: Fork it over.
>> Henry: Listen -- I know we got off on the wrong foot here.
>> Lucinda: Zip. Zip it up.
>> Henry: What? Is he gonna hover like that?
>> Lucinda: Presumably, indefinitely. Darling, you and I had a bargain. I was going to teach you how to be of use to my company here at Worldwide. And in return, you were gonna get all those zeros that you hunger for!
>> Henry: Did I -- did I actually agree to that? 'Cause I don't remember any paperwork or --
>> Lucinda: It isn't in writing. And please don't interrupt me.
>> Henry: All right.
>> Lucinda: As I see things today, this is it, dear. Either you live up to the original bargain that we made and do it today, or else Sean -- this very charming, smiling guy -- is gonna paddywagon you down to the police station because you skipped bail. All right? That's it. Those are the choices. Pick one and stick with it.

[ Worldwide Offices ]
>> Henry: Look, why don't -- let's just take a pause. Don't look at your watch. Can we take about six months here, and then maybe talk about it? Please?
>> Lucinda: Today, Henry. Today. Is it gonna be me or the Oakdale police station?
>> Henry: Oh -- all right, all right! You win. Here, I'll join the establishment.
>> Lucinda: Good, you won't regret it, I assure you. You won't. Darling, come on. Come on!
>> Henry: You can't blame a guy for tryin'. Here.
>> Lucinda: Thank you, Sean.
>> Sean: Anytime, Mrs. Walsh.
>> Lucinda: Smiling Sean. I hope your wife really enjoys that picture. Okay. Ah! Henry, where were we?
>> Henry: Let's talk about benefits. Dental's very important to me. And you know, I -- fine, I agreed to it. I'll join the establishment. I think I can work 17 or 18 hours a week.
>> Lucinda: Uh-huh. Okay, so my task here is to try to teach you an appreciation for true work and -- [ sighs ] oh.
>> Henry: "Oh."
>> Lucinda: Mazda. We're outta here. Let's go.
>> Henry: What?
>> Lucinda: We gotta go.
>> Henry: I haven't had my coffee break yet.
>> Lucinda: Ah, darling, the first thing in corporate etiquette is, when the superior says, "go," you just go.
>> Henry: Okay.
>> Lucinda: You wanna know what the second thing is?
>> Henry: I'm dyin' to hear. What is it? [ Lucinda laughs ] I'd love to know.
>> Lucinda: You wanna know what it is? It is get those feet off the boss' desk! Ha! Particularly if the boss is in the room. Okay? Let's go. Come on.
>> Henry: You cut my leg with your fingernail.
>> Lucinda: You can recuperate with the receptionist. Come on. Open the door!
>> Henry: Okay, okay! Is it always gonna be like this?!
>> Lucinda: This is the honeymoon!

[ Frasier Cottage ]
>> Simon: Strip the floors, stain them a little lighter. Once I'm done with the roof, of course, which is gonna take at least a month.
[ Knock at door ] come in, it's open.
>> Lucinda: Oh. So it is! Hi! Hello again. Come on in. Come on in.
>> Simon: All right.
>> Lucinda: This young man is lazy and undependable. But he's all yours to do with as you so designate.
>> Simon: Are you kidding? What makes you think I want him?
>> Lucinda: Well, I mean, don't you wanna get this place spruced up for Katie by the time she comes back from the hospital? Henry's going to assist you.
>> Henry: I'm gonna what? No way. Are we talking about manual labor here? I'm not good with power tools and things like that.
>> Lucinda: I will be paying him handsomely. And all you have to do --
[ Lucinda chuckles wickedly ]
>> Simon: No.
>> Lucinda: Yes. All you have to do is teach him hard work and how to respect authority.
>> Simon: Lucinda, listen, I'll do a lot of things for you, but I can't take on the impossible.
>> Lucinda: Yes, you can. I mean, this place really needs some work. I offered to paint with you, but here's Henry -- able-bodied, committed. With Henry's help, you can do it.
>> Simon: Ah. Fine, fine. No back talk, no bellyaching, all right?
>> Lucinda: That's the spirit. Don't let him get away with anything. Not bloody anything.
>> Henry: Um -- hey, listen, why don't we just do a little side arrangement here? I will give you half of my --
>> Simon: There's a ladder leaning against the house. Get on the roof and remove the shingles.
>> Henry: The roof?
>> Simon: Yeah, the roof. It's up there.
>> Henry: That could be very dangerous. Okay, okay. Okay. Um -- what if I get a splinter?
>> Simon: Well, you can yank them out yourself, or I can use an E.P.P.
>> Henry: An E.P.P., What?
>> Simon: An enormous pair of pliers.
[ Both chuckle ]
>> Henry: That's construction humor. I love that. You have such big tools.

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