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Thursday, September 10, 2009 It's James Stenbeck's funeral. The Colemans and the Ryans show up to pay their respects, or not. Audrey and Barbara get in a fight because Barbara is convinced Audrey is responsible for James' death. At the reading of James' will, it's confirmed that Henry is the sole heir. Audrey wants the money, and Vienna thinks Henry should give it to her to get her out of their lives. Today’s episode was directed by Habib Azar and written by Leslie Nipkow.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: You think a black armband would be too much? Vienna: Don't go overboard with it. Henry: Well, I'm about to inherit my father's entire estate. I need to look suitably grief-stricken. Anything else would be unseemly. Vienna: Your obsession with James' money is the only thing that is unseemly. You promised me, Henry, once the will is read and you get the money, you give it all to Audrey, right? Henry: Yeah. When you say "All" -- Vienna: Every single penny! It's the only way we can get rid of her, and, quite frankly, I can't live with you anymore with you being under her influence. Henry: Oh, Sweetie, you don't mean that. You don't mean that. Vienna: I do. I do. You have to make a choice. The money and your mother or you and me and the way we used to be. Henry: Oh, Baby. I choose you, always. Vienna: Oh God! Henry: Always. Vienna: Thank you.
Audrey: Henry, it's time. Henry: I'm sorry. Vienna: Yeah. Things will never be the same as long as she's here in Oakdale. Audrey: You know, I really think we should all go to the funeral together as a family, and that way we present a united front, not to mention the fact that then we can all be together for the reading of the will. Henry: What? They're reading the will today? Audrey: Yes. Why wait? Vienna: Oh, by all means. Let's get it over with, in case he wakes up again. Audrey: No. That's not going to happen. Not this time. Vienna: No. You would know. Henry: Okay, okay. All right. Let's just -- we got a funeral to go to, all right? Audrey: It's just so sad. You know, I just got my Jimmy back, and just to lose him again. Henry: Oh, don't waste your crocodile tears on us, please. You didn't lose him. You dispatched him, and he was trying to pin it on me. Audrey: Yeah, that was a mistake. Vienna: Yeah, I'll say. Henry: Okay, you know what? Let's just have a truce until after the funeral. Is that okay? Vienna: I'm not promising anything. Audrey: Okay. I am going to be on my best behavior. I promise. Vienna: So, who's paying for all of this, anyway? Because just because Henry is James' son doesn't mean he owes him anything. Audrey: No worries. Big brother Paul is going to pay for the whole thing. You know, he's paying for the tombstone and the casket. In fact, he actually invited all of us over to a little reception at Fairwinds. It's very considerate of him, considering James didn't leave him a dime.
Audrey: I'm -- I'm the widow Stenbeck. Well, technically, I'm not, but in our hearts, we really were. Henry: Ignore her. Audrey: And this is James' son, the one he actually liked. What are you doing? Henry: What do you think I'm doing? It's not like he hasn't risen from the dead before. Vienna: Well, he looks extremely dead to me. Audrey: Well, you know what? You never can be too sure. Let's just get the show on the road, shall we? Funeral director: Will there be any other mourners? Barbara: We're not mourners, but we're here. Paul: Is that him? Funeral director: I certainly hope so. Paul: Is that supposed to be some kind of a joke? It's funny. It is. I certainly hope so, too. All right. Let's make sure the old guy's really dead. Emily: Yeah. He's serious. Emily: Excuse me. Yeah. He's definitely not breathing. Paul: He's really dead this time. Emily: How you feel? Paul: Like doing something completely inappropriate. You want to join me? [Laughing] Emily: You bet. Audrey: Oh. Doesn't he look so handsome? Funeral director: Would anyone like to share a memory of the departed? Paul: I guess not. Let's put the old guy in the ground. Audrey: Oh, Jimmy! Jimmy, Jimmy, Jimmy! My Jimmy! Oh, baby! [Audrey crying] Audrey: Oh, Jimmy!
Audrey: Jimmy, come back! Oh, my Jimmy! [Audrey crying] Barbara: What are you crying about? You killed him! Audrey: Hey! Don't you touch the merchandise! Barbara: Hey! Audrey: Oh, you want some more? Come on! Henry: Enough. There's a dead body here. Paul: Bro, relax. Pop loved a good catfight. Audrey: You do not besmirch my Jimmy's good name. Barbara: At least slander's not fatal. Audrey: I happened to love that man with all my heart. You wouldn't know about that, because you don't have a heart, do you? What do you run? How do you stay alive? Batteries? Barbara: You only love James' money, not him. Audrey: Ah, no. I also loved him in bed. He was the best. We could go at it hour after hour. Henry: For the love of God, Mother, are we to be spared nothing? Audrey: Oh, Henry, stop being so fussy! I have seen your costume collection, right, Sister Vienna? Emily: That's what does it for you, Henry? Nuns? Paul: Oh, nuns are hot. Barbara: Paul. Paul: It's true! Audrey: You know, if you two boys had only inherited half the talent in the bedroom that your dad had -- Henry: Oh, my God! Make it stop, please! Audrey: Come on, ladies. You know what I'm talking about. Vienna: I never slept with James! Audrey: Well, that is a shame. Emily, come on. Go ahead. Tell her all about him. Emily: No, no, no, no, no, no. Don't you drag me into this. I'm here to support Paul. Paul: Okay. Enough reminiscing. The caterer's waiting. Audrey: Oh, come on. Come on. You come say good-bye. Say a proper good-bye to your daddy. Say it. Henry: What do you want me to do, kiss him? Audrey: Say it! Come on! Barbara: This is enough, all right? Audrey: You really want to fight, don't you? Barbara: Bring it, bitch. Henry: No, no, no, no, no. No bringing! No bringing! [Women screaming]
[Women grunting] Henry: All right, all right! [Others shouting] Henry: Come on! Come on! Paul, what do we do now? Paul: I guess we bury the guy! Emily: Maybe we should put a stake in his heart just to make sure. Barbara: Does that thing lock from the outside? I think we're good. Henry: Are you coming? Audrey: Yeah. Just give me a minute to freshen up. It's show time.
Paul: To the demise of James Stenbeck. Barbara: To the end of the reign of terror. When I think back, everything James did to me all of these years, how he gas lighted me, he drugged me, had me locked up in an insane asylum. I could go on and on. But the worst thing that he did was try to make my son hate me, and yet here we are. We're all together, and he's dead, soon to be forgotten. Paul: Right. Selective amnesia. Emily: I tried for a really long time to get James out of my mind, but sometimes if I ate a little too much before bedtime, I'd have dreams of him choking the life out of me. I swear, if you hadn't shot him, he would have killed me. Paul: I should have aimed higher. Vienna: What, you shot your own father? Paul: Are you kidding? In my family, that's like bonding. He's tried to kill me. He set me up for murder. He's pitted me against my mother for my entire life, and don't forget, when he couldn't take me out, he had a microchip installed in my brain. He figured, if he couldn't kill me, he could get me to destroy my own life, and then, when the doctors finally took it out, everything was empty. He couldn't kill me. He had me erased. Emily: It was temporary. Paul: Dad, if you're listening -- thanks for messing with my head. I've never been happier. Henry: I thought my mother was bad. Vienna: Where is Audrey, anyway? Barbara: Miss her? Vienna: No, but she said she was right behind us. Audrey: Gather 'round. Kids, time to read the will.
Hansen: I leave my estate to my illegitimate son, Henry Coleman. Henry: Yes! This is so unexpected. Barbara: It is criminal, and it won't hold up in court! Paul: There won't be any court. Henry, you're welcome to the money. I hope you enjoy it. Best of luck. Vienna: We have all the luck we need, don't we? Audrey: That is so sweet. Henry: We have so much to talk about, Sweetheart. We have a lot to talk about. Audrey: Oh, wait a minute. Hang on. We have a lot to talk about, too! Hansen: Ditto!
Audrey: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Where are you two going? Henry: Home. Audrey: Uh, no. We have unsettled business. Vienna: Oh, please. Henry just buried his father. Audrey: Oh, good grief! Don't give me that sob story. You both hated Jimmy. Henry: We don't have the money yet, Mother. It was a will, not an atm. Audrey: Okay. No problemo. Let's see, let's see. I'll go get some stationery out of the desk, and then you can draw up a sworn statement, telling me you're going to give me all of it free and clear. You pay me, I pay the lawyer, I get lost, quick and dirty. Henry: No, no. My money, my terms. I give you enough to take care of the lawyer, and then you can take care of Ray Zuma, and then we'll see. Vienna: No! We won't see! You told Audrey she would get it all. "All" means all, the whole amount, Henry. Please don't tell me you're changing your mind. Henry: No, no, no, no, no, no! Sweetie, no! I'm having second thoughts, that's all. Audrey: Second thoughts? You were born. That is it. I did all the real work. Henry: I wouldn't advertise that if I were you. Audrey: Oh, son. So, you want to fight, is that it? Okay. I'll tell you what, you go to the police, and you tell them that I killed Jimmy. Well, there's no evidence. It's your word against me. By the way, that's automatic reasonable doubt. Henry: Maybe I kept the murder syringe. Audrey: You wouldn't dare. Henry: No. Henry Coleman wouldn't, but Henry Stenbeck, that's a whole other matter. I would count your lucky stars there, Mom, okay? You don't have to run from Ray anymore, but if I were you, I'd skip town before Barbara figures out a way to charge you with murder. Audrey: Oh, son, you know you're not going to get rid of me that easily. Henry: Come on. Vienna: No! You said you were choosing me, not the money! Henry: I'm choosing both, Sweetheart! Look, it's just money, Liebchen. It's a means to an end. Why can't we give Audrey enough to satisfy her and then keep the rest for ourselves? Vienna: No, because Audrey won't be satisfied until she gets it all, and until then, she is going to make every single day of our lives a nightmare, which is why I said the money is cursed. We got to get rid of it, otherwise it's going to ruin our lives. |
