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Thursday, September 29, 2005 Katie's secret admirer strikes again, and she tells Henry it has to stop. He denies being behind it, and then orders Maddie to call off Byron. But it's too late - Byron, aka BJ, is in town and determined to get close to Katie.
Having received a very special bottle of wine with no card, Katie marches over to the Lakeview to confront Henry. "Henry, we have to talk," she says, putting the gift bag down on the bar. "Bubbles. What a surprise. And you brought your own. How sweet. Although, I don't think they'd like that here. It is a bar," says Henry. "You sent this," accuses Katie. "I did? I must have very good taste," observes Henry. "Henry, it has to stop. I don't know what else to say to you except for that Mike and I are very happy," says Katie. "And I'm happy that you're happy. A brunello di montalcino? I can't afford this. What was I thinking?" asks Henry as he takes a closer look at the bottle. Katie tells him to look at the date, and Henry reads that it's a 1993. He gets out his phone and Katie asks, "What are you -- who are you calling? I'm trying to make a point here." "I'm trying to make a point, too, to my credit card company. Would you mind taking this back for me, please? Because I'm already way over the limit," says Henry. "Then why did you get it?" asks Katie. "A coma? A blackout? A crossed wire?" suggests Henry. "What are you saying?" asks Katie. "I'm saying, honey, that if I could afford this beautiful bottle of wine, I would shower you in it, but -- check that, I would shower me in it, considering the state of our non-marriedness," says Henry. "Okay, you're actually trying to tell me that you didn't me this?" asks Katie. "Yeah, I may be a fool for love, sweetheart, but I am not stupid. Even I know how far to push Mr. Plastic," says Henry. "But you're the only person I told about that trip," says Katie. "Remind me?" asks Henry. "My mother?" prompts Katie. "Your mother? Yeah, and that you -- right, you took a trip," says Henry, still unsure. "She took me to Italy my junior year of high school. We went to all the regular places -- Venice, Rome -- my favorite was Montalcino because it was the most beautiful little town I had ever seen, and I've told you this before, and you're the only person I've told," says Katie. "High school? Listen, I know you don't want to believe a word I say ever since the pink sweater, but I swear to you on my gimlet glasses, I did not send you this bottle of wine," says Henry. "Then who did?" asks Katie. "That, I can't say. Was there a card with it or anything?" asks Henry. "If there was a card, I would know who sent it, I would know if it was you," says Katie impatiently. "Got it. Enough said," says Henry. Katie takes her wine and leaves, and Henry pulls out his cell phone to call Maddie. At the TV station, Maddie picks up the phone and says, "She's mad, I know, but it's not my fault." "Madeline!" says Henry sternly. "Uh-oh," says Maddie. "No, no. We're way past uh-oh. I want you to get your laptop and get right over here to the Lakeview," orders Henry. "I have to work," protests Maddie. "Now!" insists Henry.
Maddie arrives at the Lakeview and Henry leads her over to a table. "Well, the good news is, she didn't tell Mike," says Maddie. "And that would be good news because?" asks Henry. "Because she's hiding things from him already after one day. I call that progress," says Maddie. "You think she didn't tell Mike about that very expensive bottle of wine to protect me? When the wine came from some geek -- high school geek that you found through the web. That's progress?" asks Henry. "He is not a geek. How could you say such a thing? Why? Because he can I.M.? Computer literacy is very sexy. And he is the same age as Katie. They went to school together," says Maddie defensively. "That's great. That's great. You know what? You can put that on my tombstone when Mike runs over me with a backhoe," says Henry. "But that's just it. Mike doesn't know. Katie didn't tell him. Why?" asks Maddie. "Because he doesn't to spend the next 25 years in jail, that's why," answers Henry. "No. Because she still loves you. She does. You are her perfect match. She knows that deep down inside. But, you know, fine, I'm not going to say anything else because I know how it upsets you," says Maddie. "I thought we said you were gonna put a halt to the e-mails, hmm?" says Henry. "I tried. He's very persistent," says Maddie. "Henry: Really? I wonder why, k-k-k-Katie," says Henry. "Look, k-k-k-Katie wrote him saying that she can't write for a while, but he kept writing her. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Be rude?" asks Maddie. "Turn it on," says Henry. "Why?" asks Maddie. "Turn it on!" orders Henry.
"Dear Byron," types Maddie. "I am sorry to have to tell you that our entire correspondence has been a misunderstanding. I am not the Katie you knew in high school. In fact, Katie doesn't know anything about this. She hasn't asked about you, she doesn't care about you," Henry dictates to Maddie. "That is really harsh," says Maddie. "She has not expressed any interest in renewing a friendship with you," says Henry, "Is that better?" He continues with the letter, "Now, I am sorry for the misunderstanding, and I hope I haven't inconvenienced you too much." "Inconvenienced?" asks Maddie. "You led him on, Maddie. It wasn't nice," says Henry. "Inconvenienced it is," agrees Maddie, continuing to type the email. "I will never talk to you again, and I must insist that you not reach out to Katie again," finishes Henry. After Maddie types it, Henry grabs the computer and hits send. "Whoa, I didn't even get to spell check that," protests Maddie. "I'll buy you a dictionary," says Henry. "Mail sent. You satisfied?" asks Maddie, taking her computer back. "Very," answers Henry. Over at WOAK, new co-owner BJ reads his email. "I am not really the Katie you knew in high school," he reads. "Well, that's not surprising. I'm not really the Byron that she knew either, but -- so k-k-k-Katie, whoever you are -- thank you," smiles BJ.
Today’s episode was directed by ? and written by ?.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Katie: Henry, we have to talk. Henry: Bubbles. What a surprise. And you brought your own. How sweet. Although, I don't think they'd like that here. It is a bar. Katie: You sent this. Henry: I did? I must have very good taste. Katie: Henry, it has to stop. I don't know what else to say to you except for that Mike and I are very happy. Henry: And I'm happy that you're happy. A brunello di montalcino? I can't afford this. What was I thinking? Katie: Look at the date. Henry: It's a 1993. Katie: What are you -- who are you calling? I'm trying to make a point here. Henry: I'm trying to make a point, too, to my credit card company. Would you mind taking this back for me, please? Because I'm already way over the limit. Katie: Then why did you get it? Henry: A coma? A blackout? A crossed wire? Katie: What are you saying? Henry: I'm saying, honey, that if I could afford this beautiful bottle of wine, I would shower you in it, but -- check that, I would shower me in it, considering the state of our non-marriedness. Katie: Okay, you're actually trying to tell me that you didn't me this? Henry: Yeah, I may be a fool for love, sweetheart, but I am not stupid. Even I know how far to push Mr. Plastic. Katie: But you're the only person I told about that trip. Henry: Remind me? Katie: My mother? Henry: Your mother? Yeah, and that you -- right, you took a trip. Katie: She took me to Italy my junior year of high school. We went to all the regular places -- Venice, Rome -- my favorite was Montalcino because it was the most beautiful little town I had ever seen, and I've told you this before, and you're the only person I've told. Henry: High school? Listen, I know you don't want to believe a word I say ever since the pink sweater, but I swear to you on my gimlet glasses, I did not send you this bottle of wine. Katie: Then who did? Henry: That, I can't say. Was there a card with it or anything? Katie: If there was a card, I would know who sent it, I would know if it was you. Henry: Got it. Enough said. [ Phone rings ] Maddie: She's mad, I know, but it's not my fault. Henry: Madeline! Maddie: Uh-oh. Henry: No, no. We're way past uh-oh. I want you to get your laptop and get right over here to the Lakeview. Maddie: I have to work. Henry: Now!
Maddie: Well, the good news is, she didn't tell Mike. Henry: And that would be good news because? Maddie: Because she's hiding things from him already after one day. I call that progress. Henry: You think she didn't tell Mike about that very expensive bottle of wine to protect me? When the wine came from some geek -- high school geek that you found through the web. That's progress? Maddie: He is not a geek. How could you say such a thing? Why? Because he can I.M.? Computer literacy is very sexy. And he is the same age as Katie. They went to school together. Henry: That's great. That's great. You know what? You can put that on my tombstone when Mike runs over me with a backhoe. Maddie: But that's just it. Mike doesn't know. Katie didn't tell him. Why? Henry: Why? Maddie: Because -- Henry: Because he doesn't to spend the next 25 years in jail, that's why. Maddie: No. Because she still loves you. She does. You are her perfect match. She knows that deep down inside. But, you know, fine, I'm not going to say anything else because I know how it upsets you. Henry: I thought we said you were gonna put a halt to the e-mails, hmm? Maddie: I tried. He's very persistent. Henry: Really? I wonder why, k-k-k-Katie. Maddie: Look, k-k-k-Katie wrote him saying that she can't write for a while, but he kept writing her. I mean, what was I supposed to do? Be rude? Henry: Turn it on. Maddie: Why? Henry: Turn it on!
Maddie: "Dear Byron." Henry: "I am sorry to have to tell you that our entire correspondence has been a misunderstanding. I am not the Katie you knew in high school. In fact, Katie doesn't know anything about this. She hasn't asked about you, she doesn't care about you." Maddie: That is really harsh. Henry: "She has not expressed any interest in renewing a friendship with you." Is that better? "Now, I am sorry for the misunderstanding, and I hope I haven't inconvenienced you too much." Maddie: "Inconvenienced"? Henry: You led him on, Maddie. It wasn't nice. Maddie: Inconvenienced it is. Henry: "I will never talk to you again, and I must insist that you not reach out to Katie again." Yep. Maddie: Whoa, I didn't even get to spell check that. Henry: I'll buy you a dictionary. Maddie: Mail sent. You satisfied? Henry: Very. B.J.: "I am not really the Katie you knew in high school." Well, that's not surprising. I'm not really the Byron that she knew either, but -- so k-k-k-Katie, whoever you are -- thank you.
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