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Wednesday, October 12, 2005 Henry and BJ are at Java when Mike approaches them. BJ introduces Henry as his new assistant. "Henry's working for you now?" asks Mike in surprise. "And doing a phenomenal job, I might add," says Henry. "Yes he is. Henry, I need a minute with Mike," says BJ. "And I need to check on my investments. Right over there," says Henry, going over to Maddie who has just walked in. "Don't you look chic?" admires Maddie. "New wardrobe for the new job," smiles Henry. "What are you doing over there with B.J. And Mike?" asks Maddie. "Working," says Henry smugly. "You're working for Byron Glass? No. Henry, no, no, no!" cries Maddie. Henry shushes her.
Maddie warns Henry, "He's dangerous, Henry. BJ...." "...Is here. Hey, you remember my little sister Maddie?" says Henry to BJ who has just joined them. "Yes, of course. I don't think of her as your sister, though, I think of her as an amazing, new intern who's an incredible addition to our staff," smiles BJ. "Thank you," says Maddie. "Henry, I'm going to take Mike over to the new project," says BJ. "Right, just let me know when you're done, I'll get the rest of day wired," says Henry. Mike and BJ leave, and Henry says, "I got a million things to do." "To wire, you mean?" says Maddie. "Exactly," says Henry. "Henry, what's a mainframe server?" asks Maddie. "A burly waiter?" replies Henry. "An ISP?" "A lisp without an L," jokes Henry. "What are you doing in this job? You are no way qualified to be Mr. dot com's assistant," says Maddie. "It's a perfect fit, Madeline. He needs help getting organized, and I need an outrageous salary," says Henry. "He needs you to keep things quiet for him, okay? He doesn't want the world knowing that B.J. Green used to be some poor schlub named Byron Glass," says Maddie. "So what? So what?" replies Henry defensively. "It's creepy, that's what. For all we know, he has some shrine locked away," says Maddie dramatically. "What?" asks Henry. "Poster-sized pictures of Katie, prom pictures where Byron glued his head over Katie's date's head so it looks like he was her date, and candles, and a tissue from when she wiped her lipstick off with ten years ago that he took out of the trash after she walked away. And he has a list of, you know, all the times that Katie talked to him, and what she said and what he said," theorizes Maddie. "That's it, that's it. Big breath. Take a big breath for me, will you? There you go. You've been watching too many victim of the week movies, you have," cajoles Henry. "Oh, come on, you don't see that he has 'stalker' written all over him?" asks Maddie. "No, I see a successful businessman who's gonna make a big change in your life and in mine," says Henry. "How?" asks Maddie doubtfully. "Well, see, you skipped over the part about the outrageous salary, huh? Did you notice?" asks Henry, waving a wad of cash around. "That's like two months' donut-slinging, right there," says Maddie. "That's two days' salary," states Henry. "He pays you each day?" asks Maddie, "So he doesn't have a trail behind? So he can disappear at any minute with Katie as his unwilling love slave." "Oh, love slave -- oh, honey, come on. Give -- would you look at this, all right. This is our ticket out. This will get us a place of our own. So you won't have to stay with Tom and Margo anymore. Yeah, I thought that would appeal. So lay off of my new boss, okay?" says Henry. "Okay, getting away from Casey Hughes so totally appeals to me that I am losing my judgment," admits Maddie. "No, you're not. You're losing your wild imagination," says Henry. "Bryon is still creepy," says Maddie. "I know some real creeps, and this guy at best is an amateur," reassures Henry. "Oh, come on. Byron shows up here, with this..." "Because you opened the door, remember?" Henry reminds her. "Okay, yeah, I got him thinking about Katie again. But he knows now that Katie's not the one that's e-mailing him. And why is he even here, anyway? He uses a fake name and then make's a beeline right to Katie?" asks Maddie. "B.J. Green is his legal name," Henry defends him. "And he's involved with Mike and Katie's life, and he's not owning up to who he really is. It's bizarre, at best. But really, it's just creepy. Mega creepy," says Maddie. "All right, yeah, it's a little creepy," agrees Henry. "Ha, see? You're worried, too. You're afraid that he has some weird agenda planned for Katie," says Maddie. "Actually, I'm not," says Henry.
"So what if B.J. Is still interested in Katie? So what if he is making a play for her? It's not gonna hurt her or Mike," says Henry. "What if he does mess things up between them? He's a smart guy. Maybe he could do it," says Maddie. "Katie is a grown woman, she will be fine," insists Henry. "You know, I just -- I wish that you said that you took this job so you could keep an eye on him. Protect Katie if she really needed it," says Maddie. "How do you know that's not what I'm doing, hmm? Anyway, it doesn't matter, because Katie won't ask for help," says Henry. "Unless there really is a shrine in this guy's basement," says Maddie. "Oh, come on. What -- wait, where did this come from? You were the one that wanted to break up the happy couple. Now, are you telling me that you're now a Mike Kasnoff fan?" asks Henry. "Oh, bite your tongue. I only tried to break them up so you can get back with Katie," says Maddie. "I know, and it was a sweet gesture, even if it was misguided," says Henry. "And now it's all backfired," sighs Maddie. "It hasn't backfired. Anyways, the thought that counts. Unless -- unless it's an incredibly expensive, incredibly hip new outfit," smiles Henry as he takes out a Fashions bag. "You didn't!" says Maddie. "Only for you, kitten," says Henry, handing her the bag. "Is this a designer outfit?" squeals Maddie. "It's a new designer. Someone so cool that only the hippest people know the name. And then, they only whisper it in awe," says Henry. "You are the greatest!" says Maddie. "I know, I am, aren't I? But just so that we understand each other. Keep B.J.'s secret to ourselves. His identity stays between you and me. Only," says Henry.
"This is like -- I don't even care if anybody talks to me if I walk around in this thing," says Maddie, holding up her new outfit. "Everybody's gonna talk to you. You're a star," praises Henry. "I can impersonate one in this outfit. Only, don't do it again," says Maddie. "What?" asks Henry. "I don't any need more clothes. We need a place to live. So I can keep an eye on, you know, you and that geek," says Maddie. "We'll both keep an eye on him. Don't worry about him. He's harmless," smiles Henry. Today’s episode was directed by Michael Eilbaum and written by Melissa Salmons.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: Keep an eye on the bags over there, please? Mike: Hey. B.J.: You know my new executive assistant? Mike: Henry's working for you now? Henry: And doing a phenomenal job, I might add. B.J.: Yes he is. Henry, I need a minute with Mike. Henry: And I need to check on my investments. Right over there. Maddie: Hey, Henry. Henry: Hey. Whoa -- Maddie: Don't you look chic? Henry: New wardrobe for the new job. Maddie: What are you doing over there with B.J. And Mike? Henry: Working. Maddie: You're working for Byron Glass? No. Henry, no, no, no. Henry: Shh --
Maddie: He's dangerous, Henry. B.J. -- Henry: -- Is here. Hey, you remember my little sister Maddie? B.J.: Yes, of course. I don't think of her as your sister, though, I think of her as an amazing, new intern who's an incredible addition to our staff. Henry: Huh. Maddie: Thank you. B.J.: Henry, I'm going to take Mike over to the new project. Henry: Right, just let me know when you're done, I'll get the rest of day wired. Mike: Later. Maddie: Bye. Henry: I got a million things to do. Maddie: To wire, you mean? Henry: Exactly. Maddie: Henry, what's a mainframe server? Henry: A burly waiter? Maddie: An ISP? Henry: A lisp without an L. Maddie: What are you doing in this job? You are no way qualified to be Mr. dot com's assistant. Henry: It's a perfect fit, Madeline. He needs help getting organized, and I need an outrageous salary. Maddie: He needs you to keep things quiet for him, okay? He doesn't want the world knowing that B.J. Green used to be some poor schlub named Byron Glass. Henry: So what? So what? Maddie: It's creepy, that's what. For all we know, he has some shrine locked away. Henry: What? Maddie: Poster-sized pictures of Katie, prom pictures where Byron glued his head over Katie's date's head so it looks like he was her date, and candles, and a tissue from when she wiped her lipstick off with ten years ago that he took out of the trash after she walked away. And he has a list of, you know, all the times that Katie talked to him, and what she said and what he said. Henry: That's it, that's it. Big breath. Take a big breath for me, will you? [ Maddie sighs ] There you go. You've been watching too many victim of the week movies, you have. Maddie: Oh, come on, you don't see that he has "stalker" written all over him? Henry: No, I see a successful businessman who's gonna make a big change in your life and in mine. Maddie: How? Henry: Well, see, you skipped over the part about the outrageous salary, huh? Did you notice? Maddie: That's like two months' donut-slinging, right there. Henry: That's two days' salary. Maddie: He pays you each day? Henry: Mm-hmm. Maddie: So he doesn't have a trail behind? So he can disappear at any minute with Katie as his unwilling love slave. Henry: Oh, love slave -- oh, honey, come on. Give -- would you look at this, all right. This is our ticket out. This will get us a place of our own. So you won't have to stay with Tom and Margo anymore. Yeah, I thought that would appeal. So lay off of my new boss, okay?
Maddie: Okay, getting away from Casey Hughes so totally appeals to me that I am losing my judgment. Henry: No, you're not. You're losing your wild imagination. Maddie: Bryon is still creepy. Henry: I know some real creeps, and this guy at best is an amateur. Maddie: Oh, come on. Byron shows up here, with this -- Henry: Because you opened the door, remember? Maddie: Okay, yeah, I got him thinking about Katie again. But he knows now that Katie's not the one that's e-mailing him. And why is he even here, anyway? He uses a fake name and then make's a beeline right to Katie? Henry: B.J. Green is his legal name. Maddie: And he's involved with Mike and Katie's life, and he's not owning up to who he really is. It's bizarre, at best. But really, it's just creepy. Mega creepy. Henry: All right, yeah, it's a little creepy. Maddie: Ha, see? You're worried, too. You're afraid that he has some weird agenda planned for Katie. Henry: Actually, I'm not.
Henry: So what if B.J. Is still interested in Katie? So what if he is making a play for her? It's not gonna hurt her or Mike. Maddie: What if he does mess things up between them? He's a smart guy. Maybe he could do it. Henry: Katie is a grown woman, she will be fine. Maddie: You know, I just -- I wish that you said that you took this job so you could keep an eye on him. Protect Katie if she really needed it. Henry: How do you know that's not what I'm doing, hmm? Anyway, it doesn't matter, because Katie won't ask for help. Maddie: Unless there really is a shrine in this guy's basement. Henry: Oh, come on. What -- wait, where did this come from? You were the one that wanted to break up the happy couple. Now, are you telling me that you're now a Mike Kasnoff fan? Maddie: Oh, bite your tongue. I only tried to break them up so you can get back with Katie. Henry: I know, and it was a sweet gesture, even if it was misguided. Maddie: And now it's all backfired. Henry: It hasn't backfired. Anyways, the thought that counts. Maddie: Mmm. Henry: Unless -- unless it's an incredibly expensive, incredibly hip new outfit. Maddie: You didn't. Henry: Only for you, kitten. Maddie: Is this a designer outfit? Henry: It's a new designer. Someone so cool that only the hippest people know the name. And then, they only whisper it in awe. Maddie: You are the greatest. Henry: I know, I am, aren't I? But just so that we understand each other. Keep B.J.'S secret to ourselves. His identity stays between you and me. Only.
Maddie: This is like -- I don't even care if anybody talks to me if I walk around in this thing. Henry: Everybody's gonna talk to you. You're a star. Maddie: I can impersonate one in this outfit. Only, don't do it again. Henry: What? Maddie: I don't any need more clothes. We need a place to live. So I can keep an eye on, you know, you and that geek. Henry: We'll both keep an eye on him. Don't worry about him. He's harmless.
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