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Monday, December 11, 2006 Katie convinces Henry to help her break into Carly's house to steal her diamond, in an attempt to prove that she and Simon stole it from Vienna. Today’s episode was directed by Greg Saccaro and written by Richard Culliton.
Transcripts from TVMegasite Henry: You want me to -- you want me to break into Carly's house and steal the diamond? Katie: Right. Now listen, all we have to do is -- we start by making a map of Carly's house. Henry: A map? Katie? Katie, crooks use ground plans when they're breaking into some place that's heavily guarded. You know, like a museum or a bank, not Carly Snyder's living room. Katie: You are so knowledgeable about these things. Henry: Of course I'm knowledgeable about these things. Before I sign onto this glorious adventure, can you give me one conceivable reason why I should? Katie: To save my marriage. Henry: No, honey. No. That's why you want it done. That's not why I would do it. And by the way, when did I become the go-to guy for breaking and entering, huh? Is there a big sign on my back that says, "will break law for neurotic blondes"? Katie: I'm not neurotic. Henry: Oh, please. Plea -- if you want to save your marriage, you should not have written about sleeping with Simon in the first place. Katie: I was just trying to purge my guilt. Henry: Have you heard of the delete key? Purge, delete. Purge, delete. Katie: Oh yeah. That's a good one. That's so funny. The worst thing that's ever happened to me just happened and you're making jokes. That's good. Henry: And you plan robberies. Katie: Because I want Simon in jail. We steal the diamond, we show it to jack -- Carly and Simon go to jail and I get Mike back. [ Henry sighing ] Henry: Forgetting just for a second that this plan is idiotic, why would I risk jail time to steal something that I don't even want in the first place? Katie: You don't want the reward? Henry: The reward? Katie: Yeah. Yeah, I think they said something about millions of dollars in reward money. Something like that. Henry: Okay, yeah. Let's see. Carly's door is here, yeah? And the living room is here, of course. Then we have the stairs.
Katie: What now? Henry: Off the top of my head, I say we wait until the house is empty. Not a good idea to have Carly see us steal while we're stealing her diamond. Katie: It's not her diamond, it belongs to the people of Leonia. Henry: Hear ye. Hear ye. Katie: What if she wears it when she leaves the house? Henry: We wait until she comes back. But I don't think she's going to wear a million dollar necklace out to some soccer mom event. Katie: Oh, right, yeah. We all know how Carly worries about being ostentatious. [ Car door closing ] Jill's mom: And remind thyme to remember her stencils. Jill: Sage! Jill's mom: Whatever. [ Knocking ] Jill: My mother said to tell you to bring your stencils. Carly: Well. Nice hello to you too, Jill. Sage has her stencils. She's got everything she needs. She's all set. Sage: I forgot my crystal! Jill: She always forgets something. Carly: My, my. You're getting more and more like your mummy every day. Sage: You never saw my magic crystal. Carly: That's all right, honey. We'll have time later. I don't want to keep Jill's mom waiting. You girls go ahead. Have fun. There's nothing more fun than working on a science project. [ Car doors closing ] Katie: Is she ever going to leave? Henry: How dare she dawdle while we wait to rob her house. Katie: I should have brought a book or something. Carly: I changed my mind, I'll meet you there. Simon: You sure? Carly: Yeah, well, I figure there's much less chance of me throwing something at you if we're in public. Simon: Okay, fine. I'll see you soon. Katie: No necklace.
Katie: You know, for future reference, the next time you're breaking and entering, you might want to try to take less time picking the lock. Henry: Oh, really? You try doing it quicker. And you might -- you might, when a friend is doing your bidding all day and donning ridiculous costumes, risking arrest, you might want to show a little gratitude, Katie. Katie: Wait, wait. Shh! Did you hear that? Henry: What? Katie: I heard something. Where is it? Henry: The diamond? Katie: No, her recipe for deviled eggs. Henry: That's it. Katie: No, no, where are you going? Where are you going? Henry: I'm going away. I'm going far away, okay? Katie: No, no, no, no. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I get mean when I'm nervous. Henry: You better be much, much nicer to me, okay? Or this is absolutely the last time I break the law with you. Katie: Okay. Henry -- sweet, sweet, sweet Henry. Henry: Oh, give me a break. Katie: Where do you think Carly keeps her diamond? Henry: Well, a normal person would keep it in a safe, but this is Carly we're talking about. So, I say we check the bedroom for a jewelry box. Katie: What would I do without you?
Henry: I cannot believe you got me into this. Katie: What, you're giving up? Henry: I'm giving up! Katie: What about my marriage? Henry: Sweetheart, I know that you think that Mike will forget all and forgive all if you send Simon and Carly to the big house, but that's just stupid. Katie: No, he will forgive me. He has to. Henry: He wouldn't have anything to forgive if you hadn't written what you wrote. Katie: Henry -- Henry: More to the point, if you hadn't jumped into the sack with Simon in the first place. Katie: Henry -- we got it! Henry: Hello, gorgeous! Katie: Oh, Simon, you are so going down.
Katie: Isn't it just like Carly to keep a priceless gem down her sofa? Henry: Oh, you don't want to know what else is down there. Katie: Now we take a little trip to the police station. Simon: This is turning into a great afternoon after all. [ Carly giggles ] Carly: Can you just wait a minute? I do have neighbors, you know. Simon: Oh, yes, that's right. I'm now totally respectable citizen, and totally crazy about you. Carly: Ah, where are my keys? Katie: What a perfect, perfect, perfect day.
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